For His Glory

Somedays, I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of a tornado, waiting on the storm to pass.

Somedays, I feel like I’m dancing and spinning around on cloud nine, on top of the world, just me and Jesus, dancing that beautiful dance.

Other days, and most days, I feel like I’m dancing in the middle of the tornado, fighting with every breathe in me to make it out, while surviving the storm, and not allowing myself to be overtaken by the obstacles, and objects that have become intertwined within my storm.

My storm is within my mind and my struggle is my own. Only I’m not fighting my own battle, Jesus fights it with me, I only need to be still.

Being still is the hardest part. Do you feel me? Making ourselves stop and say, “No God, I’m no longer taking things into my own hands, but rather I’m leaving everything in your hands according to your timing and your ways”, this alone is often one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face.

Letting Jesus equip me for the battle in my stillness, makes me lean, makes me putty in his hands, makes me humble, makes me less arrogant, and it show’s him I love him more. I love him more than my very own breathe.

I am not superhuman, I am super tired. I’m super exhausted and I’m super over reactive, and arrogant at times. But I desire more of his grace, and I desire more of him.

I’ve not been well for some time now. I’ve gained weight, (yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re not that big, I’ve heard all the comments, but still for me to put on excess body weight, requires me to go overtime to get it off, counting calories, more water, more fruits and more veggies, less red meat, more chicken, more taking care of myself, and less neglecting myself).

Mentally I’m in a struggle, I wonder when God, I know God you’re faithful, but when God. You say soon, I hear, but when God.

I recently found out one of my close friends died. I had just thought about her and her child that morning, only to visit a cemetery and see her last name, and then her first name on a tombstone. It was so surreal that I had to double check the tombstone, thinking that it was pre-purchased and placed there in advance, only it had a date of death. When I got home that day, I checked obituaries and sure enough it was as real as it gets. She was gone, not only that but, she had been gone for almost two years. I can’t believe it has been that long since I last talked to her.. Get this, earlier that day I saw the first butterflies of the season. Funny how that worked out that way. My heart still aches. I don’t know if its because I had just thought about her that morning or if its the initial shock of finding out she’s gone, and not knowing the cause, and you know what, I don’t even want to know. All I know is that, it affected me.

Life is short. Very short. We are here a short time and then we go. Those that live to be a ripe ole age will tell you the same, life is short. You blink and then you’re older and you blink and then you’re in the arms of our creator.

All these years I’ve lived my life in hopes of these promises, that Christ made me years ago, but in reality, Christ is the ultimate promise. He was that promised child, sent of God to die for the remission of sins for the world. And he is enough for me. All these years, I’ve been chasing promises instead of chasing the promise. All these years I’ve been living life for the wrong reasons instead of walking in the light of the reason. He’s my reason, he’s, my purpose. Will I fail, I have so much I cannot count, but one thing is certain I know if I search after him and I seek him, I’ll be found of him.

I’ll never know if my friend made it home, and that bothers me. I’ll never know. All I can do is hope and pray she made it into his arms and that he accepted her as one of his faithful servants. All I can do is pray and push and do everything in my might to make sure I make it home and that I am one of his faithful servants. I’m not doing this for my husband, my family or my friends. I’m doing this because I love Jesus. And I love him because he first loved me.

Yes, I feel pain, no, I don’t understand everything, yes, I’m confused a lot. I’m often lost in my own little world. I’ve isolated again. I still feel people, but I’m back to my small circle of people. There’s an exception to my small circle, the exception is, I know these people would never hurt me. I know they’re my ride or dies, I know they’re my backbones in Christ. They love me enough to tell me the word of God, even if it means crushing me, and they love me enough to hold me when I’m down, pray for me when I’m sick, and listen to me throw toddler temper tantrums when life is hurling hailstorms in my direction. I will say I love these people, and me using the love word was an obstacle that Jesus alone took my hand and lead me to overcome. Love doesn’t hurt with them, and I praise Jesus for that.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8-To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. A time to be born, and time to die, a time to plant, and t time to pluck up that which is planted, a time to kill, and a time to heal, a time to break down, and time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones, and time to gather stones together, a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to get and time to lose, a time to keep and time to cast away, a time to rend and time to sew, a time to keep silence and time to speak, a time to love and time to hate, a time of war and time of peace.

This season, I’m growing. I’m learning to trust Jesus like I should have been trusting him from the beginning. I’m believing bigger, and I’m standing still. I feel like I’m dancing in the middle of that tornado. And I’m not about to stop now!!’

As beautiful as the morning lily, as soft as a rose, as strong as a warrior, as fierce as a Lioness, and as bold as a grandmother, who has raised all of her children including half of her grandchildren, Elsie Faye you are just that.

The backbone of a family of 5. A woman, who in her younger days held her family together by raising 4 children, tending to the garden, and house, all while repairing meals, and making sure all chores where done.

While most of the grandkids may have memories of papaw, (whom they all show favor too) mine are all of you.

The times I used to fight with the others over who loved you the most, while you bounced us on your knee, arguing over who was Momaw’s girl.

The times you used to call my house at all hours of the day and night while I was in school, the times you used to call just to see how I was doing even when I didn’t feel like talking, the persistence of your love, the magnitude and depth of your love, the gratefulness in your heart, the devotion and sincere emotion and feelings you contained within your soul is unmeasurable, to any human in the physical form in this life. The mercy you show others, when they don’t deserve it, (even with your touch of added sassitude; yeah, I made that word up, She’s a sassy one!) The way you always stood by myside when no one else would. The way you loved me when I was an addict, and undeserving of love, the way you took me in an gave me room, board and bread, when everyone else shut, locked and left me alone, the way you reached out your hand when others washed theirs, the way you stood by me when no one else was within site, the example you set by being your fancy little self, when the world says blend in… All of these are the ways you stand out and have pierced my heart with arrows that I never mentioned to you.

Your cancer sucks, but the mere thought of losing my only grandmother, is breath taking, and damaging. I’m undone. I’m lost in a world of why. But I’m left with Jesus promising me that he’d never leave me comfortless even if this doesn’t feel comfortable. I’m left trusting my creator to honor the prayers of my great-grandmother, that you are saved before your departure, and I’m left trusting that my Jesus will get the Glory from your cancer one way or another.

The pain hurts, the emotions hurt, the suffering hurts, seeing you without your hair hurts, preparing to see you in the hospital hurts more, preparing to see you in that casket is something I cannot do, so I’ll just breath it all in and trust him to get me through one day at a time. I’ll never be ready for your last breath, but I am ready to face your sickness. I’ll never be ready for your final departure, but I’ll be by you until then, if not in the physical then heart to heart.

I feel my heart bleeding today. With every deep breath I try to stitch it up, and it breaks back open. I’ll bleed it out, cry it out, and pray it out. I’ll look to god’s word and find comfort in him and the signs.

This is all a result of the shattered time capsule.

I still feel, I still feel everything, and everyone, especially those I care about. I put on a great show of fake numbness, but in reality, my heart beats heavier than it ever has, and it loves truer with guards and hedges in place. My heart is open to those I love and closed to those who have betrayed me. My heart is a fortress, at the very core is my breath. Very few people dare to enter into my core,

Jesus has use you Elsie Faye mold my very core.

Last night I had a dream about my precious grandmother and was told in the dream “it’s worth taking off work for” and then being told the bad news today, only to actually take off work for a day and a half. I’m not sure what God has instore, but I pray the Father’s will be done, not according to my desires but according to his direction, his purpose, and his glory.

I’ll praise him in the storm.

For I know the precious Flowers are about to bloom, and I know harvest is near!!!

The anchor holds, though the ship is battered
The anchor holds, though the sails are torn
I have fallen on my knees, as I faced the raging seas
The anchor holds, in spite of the storm.—-(Ray Boltz)

In a perfect world pain and death do not exist.

In a perfect world, people love without hate, and the living live forever.

In a perfect world, people are never angry, the only emotion that exist is love itself, and it stands alone, shining bright as the sun.

In a perfect world, people are kind, always humble, and helping their neighbors, and never at war within themselves, or with anyone else.

In a perfect world, people serve Christ, and him alone do they serve. (I’m not one sided, every aspect and characteristic of a perfect world that I have described above is listed in the bible.)

Revelations 21:4 :  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away,

Now, do me a favor and take the image of a perfect world that I’ve just painted you, and shatter it. Take the largest gavel you can find– one like a judge’s gavel and shatter your perfect image of a perfect world. —

Romans 5:16 And not as it was by one that sinned, so is the gift: for the judgment was by one to condemnation, but the free gift is of many offences unto justification.

Let me paint you another picture, like an artist with a canvas, so are my hands for the potter, I’m not really sure where this is going, let come what may come. —

The world we now live in is depicted in Roman’s 5:16–

Judgement and condemnation came into the world, through sin, when Eve fell for the lies of Satan. But Grace, and Mercy came back into the world though Jesus, when he died on the Cross on Calvary.

This world we live in isn’t going to get any better. It’s going to get worse and worse, and that alone should be a wakeup call to people. Instead, people are seeing the world get worse and worse, and somehow, they’re fueled to live harder, faster, and more disastrous. People are fueled by the phrases “You only live once,” and “Live fast, Die faster.”

Truth is, nobody wants Jesus anymore. Because of social media, and false doctrine, and this world of cultural systematic standard that says “Believe whatever you want to believe, and if anyone opposes, we’ll call it Hate” the world is going to hell in a handbag. Satan has the world in a pouch just like Judas had the coins in his hands, and he’s carrying it away to hell.

We the Church are allowing it to happen. — OUCH! Oh, my teeth gritted on that one. Wow. Ok God, get your message out. My intentions for writing this morning were to write about my grandma, and me bargaining God for her well-being, this does not sound like a please spare my grandma blog. –Breathe in and breathe out. — Eyes wide open, just let it flow.

The Church – I myself, included, and you too, if you profess to know and be a part of the living, fire breathing, truth speaking crowd, are allowing Satan to take our families, loved, ones, strangers, and all those who he can with him to back to the pits of hell.

What’s it going to take to get them back?

BOLDNESS, TRUELY BELIEVING, FAITH, & REFUSING TO TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!

When we are bold, we are willing to take the risk, no matter the consequence. As believers in Christ, we have to be willing to take the risk. Think about the apostles; they done what Jesus told them to do, even after his death, and then after Pentecost, being filled with the Holy Ghost and Fire, they done whatever the spirit told them to do, and they knew Jesus had their back, even if it costed them their lives. They didn’t count their lives dear to them. See, we as humans count our lives too dear to us. It’s one thing to never want to die, (no one wants to die.) But it’s another to be so coward, – (ouch Jesus that’s harsh), that we refuse to do what Jesus is telling us to do, because we are simply afraid of who it may offend, or what’s going to happen to us, or our loved ones. We are to love Christ more than we love anyone, and to know the difference in the spirit leading us, how do we know, we get into his word. We dig in and we pray, and we ask for directions, we trust him to lead us and guide, us, and we live with the mind state that Jesus had when he was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane “Father, not my will, but thy Will.”, You see, when he was up against the world, just like we as the Christian nation are, He prayed, “Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” -Luke 22:42 It’s not our will, but the will of the Father’s that we are to seek, especially in the days that we are living in, unless we just want to throw the lost in the pits of hell and leave them there. Our mission is simple, and it was stated in the great commission, Mark 16:15-18-¹⁵ And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.¹⁶ He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.¹⁷ And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;¹⁸ They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover,-– We are to go after the lost, and show them the love of Christ, even if it means delivering harsh messages sometimes, and know that he who loves us and gave himself for a ransom for us, is very near at all times, and until it’s time for us to go on to be with him, no devil in hell can make that happen. Remember faith over fear.

To truly believe, means to believe without any seeds of doubt being able to come and uproot your belief and what you stand for. It means to stand when the world is shaking you, it means to be still, and know that God is working out all things for your good even when you can’t see any progress from your end. It means to not budge, when everything is shaking and you’re the only one that is standing. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s so easy to believe for others, just like praying for others is easier, but how much do we believe for ourselves? How much do we as individuals believe that Jesus moves through and for us upon our own individual needs and behalf? It’s hard isn’t it, when you see everyone around you getting blessed, and you’re thinking when God me, when Jesus is it going to be my turn? It almost down right sucks, when your trials and tribulations keep rolling in like the waves on an ocean, and other people get pricked by a thorn or two, and then land the biggest blessing of their lives, and they keep on praising Jesus. It kind of makes us think, what am I Jesus, chopped liver?” But that isn’t the case. See the trying of our faith, it more precious than that of silver or gold, and the bible tells us many are the afflictions of the righteous, not just a few afflictions, but many. We don’t know the struggles that perfect person is going through behind closed doors. We are not to compare ourselves to others, we are only to truly believe without wavering.

Faith- Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen for if we hope for the things we see, then its not faith. I can say I have faith in what I see, but scripture tells me that faith is the evidence of things not seen. Our faith is what we are hoping for and what we are standing on, even when the world is pushing us to conform to their system. Faith is believing the impossible is possible, even when the storm is saying otherwise. Faith is believing the impossible is still going to happen, even when the world is saying it’s not going to happen. Faith is knowing God can, and God will. How strong is your faith? When you pray for someone, often we pray please lord, instead of I know you will lord. When pray we are to pray and believe that whatsoever, we believe and ask according to Gods will is going to happen.

Now, when your boldness, belief and faith start growing, the devil is going to start throwing bigger stones and bigger darts, and you better be prepared to fight. You better be prepared to fight for your life and for the lives of your family. You better be prepared to fight the good fight, knowing Jesus is with you, for you, and that he’s not against you. You better be prepared to stand and take your place for Jesus, because he took a stand for you when he was beaten without recognition, nailed to your cross, and hoisted above the earth, where the spear was shoved into his side after he was dead, and the blood and water then became mixed.

I SAY STAND.

STAND LIKE DAVID,

STAND LIKE A WARRIOR

STAND IN THE ARMOUR OF THE LIVING GOD

AND KNOW YOUR REDEEMER DRAWETH NIGH.

THE HARVEST IS COMING, THE HARVEST IS PLENTY, BUT THE LABORORS ARE FEW.

❤ I love you.

❤ Jesus loves you most

❤ Christie

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

See Grief it’s like glitter, it’s hard to brush away, bright light and it still shimmers, like it was yesterday, and it falls like confetti, its sweet and it’s bitter and it falls like glitter–Patrick Droney

February 21st, 2015.

7 Years ago, on this day my World stopped spinning.

7 Years ago, you took your last breath, and gave up your ghost, and went on to be with my first true love, Jesus himself.

Today is the day, I’ll feel every emotion, that life has yet, allowed me to feel. The grief, the love, the loss, the pain, the gain, the gratitude, the anger, the rage, the chaos, the thankfulness, the remorse, the victory.

Today, I’ll miss you a little more, as I slowly heal, even though this is year 7, it’s more like year one, being numb for so long, my grief process stopped, while your forever healing was always there.

As I struggle to get ready for work, I can’t breathe, the anxiety is in high drive, mixed thoughts, and emotions eradicate my mind, not just about you but about others too. – My mind itself is like a cataclysmic field, where my brain itself is the center orbit, and all the thoughts, emotions, and issues of life, are in orbit with no set course, some thoughts and feelings cut though one side like a closed dagger, opening up, upon contact, cutting though the other side taking flesh, bones, blood, heart and soul with it upon exiting. Some thoughts enter in only to be extinguished, by a fire within my soul. The cutting thoughts and the extinguished thoughts, makes no difference, as I am no longer numb living in this mundane society.

I feel people again. I love people again. I love true, and truer, and pure and purer. I may not show it, but I do love.

Today, Daddy, I’ll love you, tomorrow, Daddy, I’ll love you, forever Daddy, I’ll love you. Jesus was my first real love in this life, and you my world, was my 2nd. No one or nothing can, nor will erase our bond, or memories. I do not need sympathy. I am pretty self-sufficient, and have become very hardened to people’s false actions, as I see through those now. I’m not numb, but I also refuse to be victim of anyone else, false “I care or love you”, shrine. Daddy, I know those that care, whether they’re family or friends, I know and I feel them. I feel them when they don’t talk, I feel them when they don’t speak. I feel them when they pray. I feel them when they speak my name in the midnight hours. I feel their wondering minds, I feel their insecurities, and I feel their wondering anxious thoughts. All I can say is “Pray and say, be still, God knows what he’s doing, even when we do not.”

Today, I’ll lift, my head, and conquer the world, one chart at a time, marking the usual, thinking of you, and thinking of your ever so true love, a love of a dad, who stepped up to the plate of a child who never was his. Today, I’ll stand be thankful that Jesus only took the best, so he could lead me to the best. Jesus knew that you needed to be healed, and that I would have never turned to him ever with you here, and I’m ok with that. It’s a double win, double sad situation, but I get it, and I’m at terms with it. He took the best, so I could and would receive the best that this world had to offer, he himself. Bittersweet, but because of his relentless, love, I’ll see you again someday. I’ve said it before, as soon as I hug Jesus, I’m coming straight for you. To look you in the eyes, and just stand there. That eye contact. That hypnotic dance between the souls. The dance, that speaks more words in silence, the glaring of the pupils, the dancing of the inner soul. The dancing in the stars. I’ve prayed so many nights, God just take me home, but today I pray, God just lead me on.

I have a work to do for Jesus, and my journey has only begun. Stepping into his light and letting him lead my dance, starring into his soul and letting him stare into mine, starring into world, and allow him to rock mine, stepping out on my faith, and crushing every thought of what my life should look like from my own perspective lenses. Walking with Jesus, and all of his shame. This world is going to hate me and the messages, that I must give, this world is going to hate me because it first hated him, but those that love him, will receive these messages with gladness of heart, for he prayed for them from the beginning of time.

With your last words you told me, “Christie, I love you, you have a lot of growing up to you, I’ll see you tomorrow”

I’m still waiting for my tomorrow, and I hope today, you’d be proud of the woman that Jesus is making me. I hope that you could say, keep it up, and I’m waiting up here with Jesus, waiting for you to make it home. for this world is not your keeping, it’s only the journey, the journey, one must take to where they’ll spend the rest of their lives. “

Listen people, I don’t know what you’re facing, but today I face year 7. The mark of completion, while I do not feel complete, nor will I feel complete, until that last puzzle piece is in place, I am walking with Jesus, and he’s not failed me yet. I can assure you whatever you are facing, Jesus is with you, and I am here for you, I may not understand your pain, but I’ll dance with you through your darkest hour, and help dry your tears as the sun begins to shine again.

I’ve saw the pieces for months sliding into place, with ever tear and set back, with every heart break, and deep breath, I’ve had to step back, and let Jesus arrange my pieces, and realize that I’m not God, not that I ever thought I was, but I have to let God be god, and just know that he is faithful, and to enjoy the lives that are around me, and love them a little closer, and purer.

God’s timing, God’s purpose, God’s way,– NOT OURS

As, I enter into year 7, I pray Dry bones in the valley come alive, I pray Jesus pour out your boldness upon me, take my life and let it be what you would have it to be, even if it’s the little old woman who lived alone, in a shoe. Take my life and breath, your breath and fire within my heart and soul. Give me a love for your word, for people, even those that hate me (not an easy task, I’m a don’t let the door hit you, type of person, especially today, sorry not sorry.) I pray Jesus, go after the lost sheep, I pray Jesus send the latter rain, I pray Jesus, Here am I send me!

LET IT RAIN!

TAKE MY HAND AND LET’S DANCE–I’LL TELL YOU OF THE MASTER’S LOVE, AND OF HIS GREATER PLAN.

If you need me, email me. christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

I love you ❤

Jesus loves you most ❤

Christie ❤

Like the waves of an ocean crashing upon a desolate beach shore, so does the grief in my heart, cry out for you more and more.

The minute that I became alive again, this grief set in.

I miss you more and more with every passing day, words alone cannot express what I feel, and the thoughts that race with every passing wave.

You were more than a Daddy; you were truly by best of friend. Until heaven’s tomorrow, I’ll be holding on without given up or giving in.

I’ll never let you go. Memories are something that will forever remain.

Once numbed in darkness, now the record plays like the composers of the classical period, and at other times the record sounds more like modern rock, and even Christian music. Music is my muse and Jesus is my rock. I thank him for the lyrics, and I thank him for our time. I thank him for our love, and for giving me you, I thank him for healing you, even it meant me losing you.

A memory came in, one of me talking about my many tattoos. I heard you say, “Christie, I may get one with yours and your sister’s name.” I said “Daddy, tattoos are painful.” And you looked up at me with stunned confused eyes, (either you were thinking, I was too high at the time to comprehend, or that I just didn’t understand how painful your life was,) you replied ever so sternly, “I’m dying of cancer.” — Right now, I just shake my head, thinking, I didn’t want you to feel any pain, and yet, at the time, you were feeling more pain that I could have ever comprehended. Not only did you know you was dying, and that you were going to be leaving your family, but you had stage 4 lung and brain cancer. Your pain was real, and your grief was real to.

I remember your smile, and the way you loved me. I remember your last words and how they have stuck with me.

I don’t want to stop feeling this, nor do I plan too ever be over you. In order to keep you, I have to let this grow me.

7 years is quickly approaching, oh how I do not look forward to that day. I think about it often. 7 years marks completion in the biblical world. How could 7 years without you make me feel complete? How could 7 years without my best friend, make me feel complete; with a hole that’s been permanently place from within. You were removed, a place that will never be filled. You were taken from me, so you could be healed.

I know your spirit is with Jesus and your body is a now at rest. I know your heart is full, and somehow, you’re still a part of me, and I apart of thee. I’ve heard people say, that loved ones never leave us, that we just have to look around and watch for the signs, and there we will see them. I can’t see them, but I feel you. I feel you ever so nearby. I feel your love still with me. I feel you hold me as I am still your baby. I feel you let me know that I’ll make in life, and that I just have to try.

Before a butterfly gets its wings, it must transform from a caterpillar, in a cocoon, and in the darkness is where growth and transformation take place. A caterpillar’s body actually melts down, and it becomes all yucky, (metaphorical terms, again) As humans when we feel grief, we experience this melting feeling, and this yucky, I don’t know what I’m becoming feeling. This is growth. — I feel you whisper, (No, I’m not inserting that embarrassing childhood nickname) Instead I’ll say the name God gave me at birth, Christie, its time you come out, come out and let your wings, unfold, and begin to fly.

I feel you telling me, my story isn’t over, and that its only just begun, I’m about to take on the world, one soul at time. I feel you tell me, it’s time to heal. I feel you tell me; you’ve only begun to feel. I feel you tell; I’ll never go numb again, that this awakening, didn’t come from you, but it came from he who made me. I fell you tell me, that you love me still, and if I want to keep you, I have to keep pushing. I feel you tell me, its ok, to let go, and to let God.

If there is anyone in this world I can trust, its Jesus. Man will fail me, but Jesus never will. Man will break my heart, and fail to understand, but Jesus himself will uphold me with his right hand. I feel you tell me; you know that he is the creator of all, and that you have made your way to him, and you never meant for your death to make me fall. I feel you tell me, that it was all a part of his plan to take me deeper and grow me with unbelievable strength. I feel you tell me that truth lies within him and in his word. I feel you tell me, that I was meant to change the world, but I have to first let him change me.

I’m trying, but I know I could do better, again you say, “give yourself some credit” I feel you whisper, you’re never alone in the dark, for he is with you who gave you breathe from the very start. I feel you tell me, he is making all things new, and the first thing my Babygirl was you”

Until heaven’s tomorrow, I’ll be holding your hand. Lead me Daddy, to that land. Jesus is my portion, and my hope for my future. After I hug his neck, I’m coming straight for you. I’ll miss you forever and refuse to let go. These memories are something I’ll forever cherish, ones of who you were, and how you loved me.

Thank you for everything! I’m becoming alive more each day. I’m feeling people now. Their pain, their losses, their love, and their struggles. I’m feeling their hearts beat even when they aren’t near me. I’m feeling their souls, and the longing to be complete. I’m feeling their grief that’s buried deep within. I’m feeling them… I’m feeling them all… And my heart is heavy.

Some words are best left unspoken, and sometimes it’s best to let them vent. I pray God send me the boldness, that you have set upon me from the beginning. I pray God send me the anointing, and the latter rain.

I see you moving God in the midst. Danny’s reading his bible now, and the first promise to be fulfilled. I see it all set in motion, ole, Lord, so pure and true. Prepare my heart my king to fully receive of you and to be pleasing unto you. I worry my Lord, that I’ll never get this right. And as I struggle to catch my breath, I’m holding on to your hem ever so tight. Use me Jesus as you see fit to use, use me for your greater purpose, a purpose for you. Use me Lord to do thy will, even if it cost me everything, Jesus, be it unto me as it is pleasing unto thee. I want my heart to mirror yours, a love so pure, that it gave it all. I want my thoughts to be captivated by your presence, I want my world to shake at the breath, of your spirit. I want my life to be as you would have it to be. I pray Jesus, Lord Here AM I SEND ME!!!

My email is christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

I love you all, ❤

&. Jesus Loves you Most. ❤

Christie ❤

How many of you have heard of one of these puzzles? The term may be a little confusing unless you’re a puzzle fanatic, but I’m sure just about everybody has worked one of these puzzles at one point in their life. How many of you have gotten so mad when working one of these puzzles, that you began plucking the puzzle apart and place it together the easy way? Now, don’t lie, most of us have. I’ll say it myself; I have. Some of these puzzles are just so confusing, hey why not, especially after working on it for hours, or even days, sometimes months or years. –Wait a minute what’s this crazy Jesus freak talking about again? Ahh… You caught me! And so, I’ll begin..

This is the year of fulfillment. This is the year of the promises, what promises; the year of the earthly promises of God to be fulfilled to his Children. The children of God who have walked by faith and not by sight, will see all the promises that have been made at the mouth of Jesus; one by one they will begin to be manifested, and all will be fulfilled; however, this is going to take mustard seed faith. How do I know? Because I see all my puzzle pieces, the ones that were once placed within my hands, and then shoved to the back of my head, have now came into my visual perspective, and I see them all laying out before my eyes in the form of a perfect sliding puzzle.

My problem, I’m unable to work this puzzle on my own. In reality I’ve been grabbing at these puzzle pieces, and looking for them for years, only I never was able to find them all on my own. I had an idea of what they looked like, but was unaware of when they would start appearing in my life, that was until recently, Jesus is bring back every piece that I was told existed, and still, I keep trying to pluck pieces out of place and just move them into position, instead of getting out to the way, and letting my beloved potter himself slide these pieces where they go one by one, piece by piece, perfect timing, perfect placement, perfect peace, with perfection by a perfectionist. You see there is none perfect, but one and that one is Jesus. He is perfect, and we will never get the picture just right unless we take our hands off the puzzle and allow him to maneuver the pieces the way he says they are to move, only then will they come together the way he says they’re meant to come together. Think about those sliding puzzles, again for just a moment, the more we try to force, or move something out of place so many times, into the wrong position, it becomes almost impossible for us to work it, that’s why it’s important, “That one!”, and I speak to myself first, when I say, “One, must yield to the voice of God.”

In this puzzle of life, our flesh gets in the way; can I get a raise of hands. I’ll do it. I’m guilty as charged. I get unhappy, mad and frustrated more than the average human, maybe it’s the ovaries in me (no offence women, but I’m a little irrational; I rolled my eyes at my own self.) I get mad and try to sort things out myself because things don’t work out the way that I want them to on my timing, on my accord. Ouch, that hit someone. Still, we are humans, but we must realize we are not the creator, and we are not the ones in control. Jesus is the creator, and when he gives us such bold promises, and such important pieces, we have to realize that these pieces are only going to fit properly if we take a step back and allow him to work the puzzle. So, what do we do? We have to be willing to move when he says move, step aside when he says step aside, and stay put when he says stay put, or in my case, shut up when he says shut up (Lord, I need duck-tape, with breath holes poked into it, it’s a little hard sometimes, and I can only imagine you shaking your head at me thinking, girl…. corner time, with a dunce hat, time out for you) …

❤ Do you know that God rejoices with us when we are happy, just like he scolds us when he’s unhappy with us? It’s true, he likes to hear from us. The conversations I have with my Jesus, sometimes I just rattle. People probably think I’m talking to myself at times. I’m not, Jesus is listening to me. ❤

Back to my point, oh yeah, the year of fulfillment, — I have had several dreams of this, and I have saw two visions since the new year, plus I see my pieces clearer each day. And God is telling me, come in line with me, and let me move them around, you just have to be willing to move under the sound of my voice. I’ve moved you all your life, and I’ll continue to move you, but take the break off, and let me bring fire to your bones, fire that will quench all the darts of the enemy, take on whole Armour of God, and hold up that shield of faith, and stand still. Don’t move, for I’m making all things new before your very eyes. Yes, you see me moving, and I see your faith is growing weak, but remember in your weakness, I am strengthened, only don’t let go, keep pushing, keep praying, keep communicating, and keep your eyes on me.

What you’ve been praying for is near, but lay aside every sin that is separating you from me, lay aside your own desires, and seek my desires and will for your life, for fire will soon fall soon, from the heavens, its falling to the altars of the saints and its spreading outward, its spreading outward to the nations, I’m raising up a God fearing generation, that everyone will know love the one true God, Jesus of Nazareth. I said in my word, that when the enemy shall come in like a flood, that I’d raise a standard up against him. The Just shall live by faith, and without faith is it’s impossible to please God. For God is a spirit and those that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth. What is truth, the living word of God, and it is no variance. —-

Now I’m not trying to give anyone false hope, but I can only write it as it comes to me, in fact, I’m not really sure what is written, and sometimes that’s just how I prefer to write. I prefer to go back and read it when I am finished or rather when he says I’m finished, and see what Jesus says to me also, not just to you. These messages are for many, and God will lead those to read them that he desires to see them. Often, I do not think when I am writing, I ask him to take over, and lead me under his anointing. I will not quench once it begins to move, only I’ll allow him to lead my hands. It not possession, remember they accused Jesus of casting out devils by Beelzebub, well Beelzebub has no anointing and He most certainly has no authority over me, I know the God I serve, and I know my Jesus, whom leads me and he’s saying don’t fear and don’t doubt only know that I am near, I am near to thee, when thee cry, when they question, why god, why me, why her, why him, why god all these cards, they don’t make sense, why God, why this, why that, why god, why. I don’t get it, I’ve given my heart back to you, give me the desires of it, please God, I’m begging. But…Ouch, now this is going to hurt, the real question is, have we given him our heart because we love him or because we love the ideal of what we may receive. Even my own face, went a little slanted on that one when I went back to edit, and make corrections (not alterations). You, see, there’s a difference and he knows the difference. You see he tells us when we search for him with all of our heart, then we shall find him, not the part if you give me this Jesus, I’ll do that. Don’t act like you’re perfect, I’ve done it too. God, please make this happen, and I’ll do that God. I preach to myself first. Raise of hands. Ya’ll probably giving me thumbs down, but I guarantee this is hitting someone. I’m not hypocritical, I’m being real. He wants us all to know that his plans for our lives are bigger than any fleshly dream or desire, and I don’t’ want, what I want, to get into the way of his plans for my life or your life. I promise you his plans are greater, I’ve saw bits and pieces of the plans he has gotten for me, and a few pieces he has got for a few others, and I can only imagine how great the bigger picture is going to be. (When this perfect sliding puzzle comes together) Smile, it’s close, and only requires submission.

I feel like Job in so many ways, but I’m no Job, I’m more of a Christie. I’m just me ❤ I’m his witness, I’m a child of God.

I love you; I pray I’ve said something to help you, I have no idea what was written, I have to go back and read this one, it was fast, and quick. Usually they take longer to write, but this one was like a whirl wind. Quick it came, and quick it left, just like the wind, don’t we don’t know where it comes from nor do we know where it goes back to, but when God is ready, it will blow our way again, and then return to where it’s to go back to again.

John 3:8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

God loves you more in a one breath than I could ever love you in a lifetime, God loves you so much he wants you to trust him, even when things don’t feel good, and when the puzzle pieces aren’t going as we think they should. Submit yourselves under the almighty hand of God and he shall direct your path.

Think Abraham and Issaac, we all have one of those too, I know I have, (me shaking my head) yes, I have had an Issaac, did I lay it down, yes, will God bring it back, it’s the last promise to be fulfilled, how and where, and when I’ll never know, and neither will you if you don’t let God move the pieces himself. We are not to move them, rather we are supposed to move with God. I will tell you this the more we focus on the Issaac and when it’s coming back, the more we hinder God’s purpose. And I refuse to hinder God’s purpose, I’m so close to home, and I’ve waited so long, what’s one year, (actually, what’s 10 1/2 months?) compared to the time that’s passed. Hold on I say it’s coming… Hold on to Jesus, move when he says move, and press in when he says press in, for he’s glorious, and he shall never suffer his righteous ones to be moved.

❤ Ya’ll pray for me I’m still battling post Covid. (It sucks, but God is greater.)

❤ Dry bones in the valley Come alive, Come alive!

❤ I loves you, & Jesus loves you, yes you, Most!!!!

❤ Christie

Today is day (I can’t remember) of post covid sickness.

I’ve been so sick in body the past 2 weeks, that I’ve ALMOST been defeated. The key word in that statement is ALMOST. I keep hearing Jesus tell me, this sickness isn’t unto death but rather for my glory.

I hate medicine. All types. For the longest time after Christ recovered me from addiction, I couldn’t even take two extra strength Tylenol without smothering out in fear; much less anything else. It wasn’t because I was afraid overdosing on it, or getting addicted back to anything, my brain automatically processed all medicine as bad and not for me after my addiction crisis. I’m having to learn the hard way that this isn’t the case.

I’ve had a few melt downs and a few breakthroughs over the years, the first was me saying “I have to take Tylenol, it’s not going to hurt me, I weigh too much for 250MGs of Tylenol to be enough for a headache. Then it was with Amoxicillin, with the many ear infections in my left ear drum that I face, this was no easy defeat. Upon taking the first pill, I’d immediately go into watch mode, looking for any type of allergic reaction symptom, especially those that point towards anaphylaxis shock syndrome. In my mind I was sure to die upon taking medicine. Why? The answer is FEAR. I believe at times God gave me no choice but to press through it. I’m not saying he caused the sickness, but I’m saying he used it for his good.

Recently I’ve recovered from Covid, only to take a backset to something. God only knows what this is. It’s not pneumonia, I’ve had a chest x-ray. It’s not blood clots, I’ve had ultrasounds done. Your guess is as good as mine. Yesterday, I was forced to go back to work, I didn’t want to go. Per policy of the facility that I work at, my covid release was up, and I’m still under my 90-orientation probation period, and I wouldn’t be able to use sick days even if I had them accrued; Policy is policy. I prayed and said “God if it’s your will, I’ll go.” Sure enough, I had to return to work. I trust Jesus to show me which paths to take, even when it comes to my writings and what to write and what not to write. I’m learning that there is a time and purpose to everything, (even if the time and purpose doesn’t make sense to us; his word tells us about purpose and timing) …And he also tells us that all things work for the good of those that are called according to his purpose (or reason).

This backset has melted me down without recognition. Not only am I forced to go to work sick and rely upon the strength of Jesus to carry me though the day, but by the time I’ve pulled into my driveway each day, I’ve been in tears because of the body aches, and pains. Miserable isn’t the word for it. I’d describe it as more on the verge of death, only to be kept alive by my Savior. My left ear is in so much pain that the left side of my face is almost numb. My throat hurts so bad. I’ve kept a close eye on my O2, I do not want to eat or drink. My heart is racing, and the top number of my blood pressure is higher than normal. My heart hurts at time. And all I see before my face is the silhouette of Christ. I see him with me. I know he’s with me. I may not feel like his touch is upon me, but I know he’s here. And I know he’ll go all the way with me even until the end of the earth. He tells me that in my weakness, his strength is made perfect. I may not like my current circumstances, but if this is what it takes for his strength to be perfected within me, so be it.

Today, I went to the doctor, I was expecting them to give me my normal amoxicillin for this sickness, but instead they gave me a Zpack. I didn’t want this medicine, no I’m not allergic but I just don’t like medicine, nor do I like climbing these endless mountains that keep appearing before my face. By the time this is all over with, I’ll be able to run the hills like an athlete. ❤ An athlete for Christ! A Warrior for Christ. He knows what he’s doing even if it doesn’t feel good, I assure you he knows.

I will lift his name upon high. He’s a good God, and he’s never failed me, and he won’t fail me ever. Though my flesh is raging war within itself, Jesus is still on my side and he’s on your side to. He doesn’t want us to lean on our own understanding but rather lean upon his understanding. He doesn’t want us to seek our own will, but his will. I promise you his will and his purpose for our lives as individuals and as the whole body of Christ, are greater than anything that we ourselves could ever accomplish on our own freewill. That’s why it’s so important to follow his plans even if it doesn’t feel good. YES, they hurt sometimes. I’ve had to do some of the most gut-wrenching things and say some of the most gut-wrenching things to people (even people that I love dearly) that I never wanted to say on my own, but my obedience to Christ means more to me than my own very life. He’s the love of my life, and he’s, my forever. I’m going to make it to Heaven someday, whether near or far, I’m going. I hope you’ll join me to in this process of becoming who Christ is calling you to be.

If you need anything don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I’m praying for you all, whether I know you personally or whether it’s just someone who may come across my writings, I’m praying that Jesus touches you and helps you.

If you ask me how I know Jesus is real. It’s simple, he leadeth me. He speaks to me; I have a more personal relationship with him than I do anyone. He comes before my Husband, my children, my loved ones, and especially myself. One day, I’ll be exactly who he’s called for me to be, but right now I’m Becoming. and I know my potter has his hands upon me.

Invite Jesus into your heart today. The bible says we have no promise of tomorrow. I know that if I left this world today, I’d be in the arms of the one who made me, but would you? Would he allow you to enter in, or would you be cast into that place called hell where the worm dieth not? How does your garment look? Is it spotless, or is it filled with the stain of sin? You see, I know we all sin daily, but we have a forgiving god that says if we do sin that Jesus himself is our advocate, all we have to do is ask for forgiveness and instantly he cast our sins as far as the east is to the west into the sea of forgetfulness, never to be brought up again. Now, this doesn’t mean that we can purposely sin. Purposely sinning is like saying “Jesus your death wasn’t good enough the first time, let me kill you again with my own bare hands.” I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to kill my Jesus, I want to lift him up, and love on him as much as I can and show my adoration to him, and how precious he is towards me. He’s perfect. He’s my best friend. He’s my resurrecting power. He’s my King, Hes my strength and my portion forever. He’s my healer, he’s my breath, he’s, my life. He’s my Husband, he’s my everything.

Loving my Jesus, showing my scars, telling my story of how Mercy can find you where you are. And I want the whole world to see the desire of my heart. To love on Jesus and tell you about Jesus. His goodness, his mercy, his grace.

He didn’t have to love us, but he chose to. He knew some people would reject him, even unto their death, he knew the ones who would reject them. And did you know that if Judas himself would have asked for forgiveness, I believe that Jesus would have forgiven him, instead he chose to die in sin. Forgiveness is free, and Sin comes at a cost. Choose ye this day, whom ye shall serve. We can’t serve God and the Devil both. You are either all in or you’re all out.

Revelations 3:16 says because though are lukewarm and neither hot nor cold, I will spue thee out of my Mouth.

If you are hot and on fire for Jesus it radiates, and others can clearly distinguish who you belong to. If you are cold, it’s obvious that you are a sinner, but if you are lukewarm, you tend to blend in with whatever crowd you are hanging around with whether it be the hot ones or the cold ones, and it makes you unprofitable. That’s why we are to make a choice. I pray you make the Hot choice.

I want to be so on fire for Jesus that when I walk into the room, people know something is different before I even speak. I want people to feel him, I want people to know, wait a minute she’s different. I want people to know him whom I serve, I want you to know him whom I serve, and I want you to know that the same Jesus I serve is just waiting on you to say, “God here I am, use me, mold me, show me, lead me, guide me, but most importantly save and forgive me.”

I love you ❤

Jesus loves you most ❤

If you need me message me! ❤

❤ Christie.

“Dry bones in the valley, come alive”

Thump. Thump. Thump…………….

Beeeeeeeeeeeppppp……

Someone call the doctor, her heart has stopped.

(pause)

6 years, 11 months, 1 week, & 2 days later…

Thump. Thump. Thump.

We have a pulse…

She’s breathing, but still sleeping.

5 hours later.

Her eyes are opening, she’s looking around.

She’s been in a walking numb coma…

She begins to question her surroundings, and what she’s feeling. She’s been gone for so long.

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The day I wrote Dear Daddy, I woke up. I woke up from almost 7 years of numbness, almost 7 years of plagues of darkness, 7 years of buried grief, 7 years of anxiety, 7 years of fear of heart ache, 7 years of not being good enough, 7 years of I’ll never be good enough, 7 years of loneliness that was self-inflicted, 7 years of self-entitlement, 7 years of unforgiveness towards myself, 7 years of love that’s been lost.

I’ve been jaded. I’ve been buried within myself. I’ve been stuck in a time capsule. I’ve been so lost in the what ifs, and what nots, and whys, and when’s, and how’s and where’s and who’s, and every possible scenario that could possibly play out in my head. I’ve been stuck. I’ve not wanted to move. I’ve not been able to move. I’ve been motionless while stuck in the non-stop motion picture of my life continuing without me mentally being present. Spiritually, and physically I’ve been present, and living it, but mentally I’ve been in a time capsule.

Losing my Daddy was the toughest hardship I’ve yet to face in my life. He was precious in my eyes’, as most loved ones are in the eyes of their family whether it be parents, children, aunts, uncles, close cousins, distant cousins, or even friends. It’s never easy to lose someone you love. Often, people close up, and enter into darkness. A world where only they understand, because they are the ones feeling the loss, and they are the ones who experienced the loss, even though the lost loved one was loved by many. Individuals feel pain differently. No two people will feel the exact pain for the loss of anyone, although similar, different people will cope different ways. Some cope with solitude, some cope with depression, some cope by venting, some cope with extravagance, some cope with drugs, some cope with Jesus, some cope with gardens, some never cope and simply just turn a page.

Welcome to my world. I never coped; I turned a page. When I first turned the page, I was ok, but as the chapters were written and each page turned, I became someone I was never intended to be. I became broken and whole at the same time. I lived with partial fulfillment. I lived in a partial state of mind. I lived in a half-hearted world. I lived in a fearful world. I lived a life not being able to love or allow anyone to love me, NOT EVEN JESUS. You, read that right, I wouldn’t allow Jesus himself to love me.

The closest I came to loving anyone was a temporary feeling of people’s closeness, and then pushing them out. I done the same with Christ. I’ve done the same with all my family, and friends. I’d love them from a distance. I’d love them from the outside of my heart, and never really the fullness of my heart. I done this because of my loss. I done this because I never wanted to lose again.

After I was led to write Dear Daddy, it was like something inside of me took the time capsule that I was stuck in and began to fling it onto the ground beneath my feet. I can see the picture so clear. That time capsule was placed into my hands and I and began to throw it onto the ground over and over again, from the left to the right. In a violent rage, I shattered that time capsule all over the ground. The slamming, the smashing, the crashing, along with all the anger, hurt, hopelessness, pity, and strife that was left with in me, it was like a fire broke out from within my soul. I can see my hair as if I was in a storm, slamming that time capsule onto the ground in the pouring down rain.

Only it wasn’t me that was throwing the time-capsule it was Jesus.

With every tear that fell, to the ground, my heart began to beat again. Thump. Deep Breath. With every tear that fell from my face, I began to release. Thump. Deep Breath. Thump. Deep Breath. That one hurt. With every tear that fell from my face I began to come alive again. Thump. Deep Breathe. There’s a pulse, but it’s faint. With every tear that fell from my face, I began to emerge from the clay of the earth, that I became buried within. Thump. Deep Breath. Oh my Gosh where did that come from. It hurts God! What’s this feeling? Why is my heart racing? The pulse is now stable, and we have a heartbeat. I was alive again!- And now I live!

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At first, I felt me. I felt anger and rage. I felt the living dead girl breath, I felt unfinished. I felt cheated. And then I felt relief rush in, one that let me know it was ok to be breathing again.

Second, I felt Jesus. A dear friend of mine told, she felt the next time I went to church, that I was going to be healed. All I wanted was Jesus to place his healing hands up me. All I wanted was him to heal my broken heart. All I wanted was for him to make me 100% whole again. All I wanted was for him to hold me.

Thirdly, I began to look around me. I began to look at those in my life, in my small circle. Let me tell you, I have a very small circle. I do not let anyone in, but I’ve known the whole time, those that are in it. And I still know those that are a part of it. I may not know who all God is going to bring into my life, but as for the ones that are there, I’ve began to look at them all. Beginning with my closest of family, and then my church family, and then my closest of friends. They all know who they are, and if they don’t then they’re oblivious to it, or maybe they don’t want to be a part of my circle, and that’s ok to, but I’m still looking at them now through the eyes of this heart that’s began to pump again. And through this heart that’s just been brought back to life, I’ll love them all for the first time in my life. During my numbness, I was born again into the body of Christ. Corinthians 13:13 I had the faith, I had the hope, I knew to love, I just couldn’t feel love, nor show it, past a brink moment.

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I’m now pushing and pressing into this new world of loving people and allowing them to love me. It’s not easy. Sometimes, I can physically hold onto people, sometimes I can’t. It’s still give and take. But I’ll get there. Those that I love, I’m not pushing out anymore, and those that really love me, I keep letting in deeper. I may not want to feel them, but I need to. I don’t want to die out to love anymore, and I don’t want them to die anymore because of my inability to accept their love or show them my love towards them, which is even greater now than it’s ever been.

I’m pressing even harder into Christ and loving him and accepting his love and calling over my life. This isn’t the easiest of task for me either, but I love him so much, and it’s because of him that I was brought back to life. It’s because of Christ Jesus those chains have been broken off me. It’s because of Christ Jesus that I’ve found my voice. It’s because of Christ Jesus that I recovered from a drug addiction that should have taken my life. It’s because of Christ Jesus, that I’m able to pray and reach the holy of holies. It’s because of Christ Jesus that I know that my prayers are reaching the throne room of heaven. It’s because of Christ Jesus, that I’m able to speak and say I know that he’s alive and sitting on the right hand of God. It’s because of Christ Jesus that I’m able to say I that I am now thankful that I have suffered everything I’ve gone through, and I’m blessed have had the experience of a broken person that’s been thrice dead and brought back to life, once as a sinner, once as a prodigal, and once a mentally numb person, for his glory. It’s because of Christ Jesus that I can say, if you help with just about anything, I can help you, and if I can’t, I’ll pray God sends you someone who can. It’s because of Christ Jesus that I can say that I am alive again. It because of Christ Jesus I have peace, and I know that whatever comes my way I can survive it. I now know that he was always with me, and he never left me. It’s because of Christ Jesus I can look to my unknown future and know that he’s already saw it, and all that I have to do is trust him. It’s because of his resurrecting power that I can say, I’m made whole.

I may not know your story, and I may not know your name, but I know a man who does, and that man is Jesus. I know he loves you, and I know he wants to help you. I know he’s there with you in your troubles, and struggles, in your darkness, and in your plagues of life. I know he’s there in your tears, and in all of your questions. I know that he wants to hear from you.

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I’d like to share something with you before I bring this to a close. My first service in church, since being attacked by that devil named Covid, was yesterday. Yes, I had covid, yes it sucked, yes it was sent to weaken me, yes it was meant to harm me, BUT Jesus used that for good. I was able get close to him during my quarantine, it was then that I found where my greatest strength came from, not because I was physically sick, but because I realized that it was him, that had the key to my heart, and it would take him to unlock it for everyone. And it was him that wanted to be in that number one place within my heart. And it was him that kept calling out to me, and him that had his hands upon me during the darkest years of my life. And he’s saying to me right now, and to you too, behold “I make all things new. And this new thing, you’re about to see manifest before your eyes. You’ve barely touched the surface of what is to come for you. Trust me and see, keep yielding yourself to me, you’re going to see the fruit of your harvest. Coming soon I say, coming soon. Many will see. I in thee, and you in me, you are my seed, I shall not leave thee begging for bread, for you will be fed from the table of the master, and you will feed many. You are mine. You are redeemed. You are my blood, and my blood flows through your veins. Seek my word, and you’ll grow. Remember I am found within my word.”-

At church the guest minister was preaching on boldness, and he asked me if he could pray for me, I felt it. This man of God spoke of a boldness coming, and said I had an anointing over me, along with a few other things —This man didn’t know me from ADAM. Out I went, slayed in the spirit. That was the best feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life.

I now look forward to life again. I look forward to doing the will of God, and I won’t back down. I refuse to silence this roar within me, I refuse to not mention the name of Jesus, I refuse to back down from the devil. I accept love, and I’m going to love others with every breath in me, for this is the perfect will of God. I refuse to not pray for the sinners, I will study god’s word even when I don’t feel like it. I will give myself 100% to Christ for his ministry, for his glory. I refuse to stop now. I know my breakthrough is happening, and I know that your breakthrough is coming.

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The third greatest awakening that America has yet to see is coming. Are you ready? Do you want the anointed fire from heaven? Reach out and grab it…..

❤ I love you, (yes, I mean it, yes, I feel it, thanks be to Jesus ❤ )

❤ Jesus loves you most! ❤

❤ Christie. (Don’t lose heart, he’s got your back. He knows your name) ❤

Four-hour naps make for 3am writings.

Here I am God. You and me. My computer, my hands, your leadership, bring it out. Bring out the fire within me, bring out the pain, bring out the words, use it for your gain. Whatever you see fit, put it to words, God I’m your willing vessel, I’m the canvas, you’re the pen, I’m your servant, and I know you live within.

God,

I’m struggling. I’m trying not to complain. Instead, I’ll just vent.

I’m broken beyond words. Some things just don’t measure up. I know there’s patience when the trying of our faith is pushed beyond the limits, and when boundaries are crossed, that don’t involve a finish line. I know there is patience in your eyes that is valued as more precious than Gold, but God this don’t feel good. This doesn’t feel comfortable, so what sounds like me complaining is really me crying out in despair.

I’m reminded through song in this late hour that you know my name and every step that I take. You know every tear that I cry, and when I’m overwhelmed, and you remind me that even though I can’t see the light of day, that I’ll be just fine. –Well, this doesn’t feel fine. This is one of the toughest battles I’ve gone through, but I feel you whispering that victory has gone from being on the horizon to within my presence. I can’t feel it. I must still be numb, but again you’re telling me, “My child you’re going to be just fine. Because I know your name, and you are called according to my purpose, and in order to get to the finest of wines, the grapes must first pass through a winepress, and be pressed beyond measure, and before diamonds are formed under pressure. You are more valuable in my eyes than you know, and this pain is only temporary. Serve your purpose with gladness of heart, and be happy in me, and I in ye, for I know your pain, I see you cry, and it’s me you seek in the midnight hours when all are asleep, when no one awake. It’s me you look to take your pain away. When none can comfort it’s me that you turn to, and when no comfort comes, you still press on. Remember weeping endureth for a moment, but joy cometh in the morning, its written in my Word and I am not a God that can lie. I am a consuming fire, and I shall consume ye, and all that ye come across, shall know that I am in thee, and thee are in me. For I have chosen you to rise for this very occasion and ye are not under any condemnation, but you are under pressure, pressure to break, pressure to fold, but remember it’s me that you are holding on to, it’s not you that is walking, but it’s me that is carrying you. For I love thee beyond words, and my plans to restore thee are at hand, you only have to open your heart and let me in to the darkest parts that say for I am not good enough, for I am not worthy. I thought ye worthy when I died for you, and I thought thee good enough for I died for you. So, continue to speak to the dry bones in the valley and continue to speak to the mountains, and say with full assurance that everything ye are speaking shall soon come to past, for I am walking in the midst of the. I’m about to send the latter rain. I’m about to dry your tears, I’m about to make ye happy, I’m about to move.

I’ll be quite honest, I don’t even know what was just written, I myself will have to go back and read all that. At that moment above I offered myself, and as I began to stumble, I said I can’t and was told to put my hands back on the keyboard so I listened.

I know a few things about me that I can tell you,

1. I’ve been broken. I’ve been broken most of my years, if you go back and read my other blogs you’ll realize the brokenness has been there since childhood. But I’ve always knew that Jesus was present. But I don’t confess to be anything except his child, and I confess to wondering in the desert for so long that I’ve gotten to where I wonder if he’s even there.
2. I know that I am being made whole. I know that my redeemer lives. And even though I’ve been numb for sometime now, he’s showing me that he’s still there. Even though loving is one of the hardest things for me to do, he’s showing me that his love for me is relentless, and it’s worth everything in this life. He’s showing me its ok to love again, beginning with loving him, and accepting his love towards me.
3. I know my heart’s desire is to lead others like myself to Jesus. The broken ones, the drug addicts, the lost, the prodigals, the ones who have wondered just a little bit too far from Jesus (but not quite backslidden), the ones who feel like they’re hopeless. The ones who struggle with wondering is God real (been there done that a whole different blog; example when I was younger, I even dabbled in the occult world of fairies) It’s my heart’s desire to see God move in this lost world. It’s my heart’s desire to see people turn back to Jesus with full assurance that he’s with them no matter what. — And the only way I can do this is to have lived it.

As I bring this blog to a close, I speak to all the dry bones in the valleys, its time to come alive, I speak over the dry bones and say arise, I speak it. I speak it out loud, I say with authority. Jesus says its time. Its time to trust again, its time to breathe again, for he’s going to breathe breath back into you.

❤ I love you

❤ Jesus loves you most & he paid it all for you!!

❤ Christie. Forever his, Forever Chosen

” ❤ I’m tired, I’m worn, my heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve let my hope fail, my soul feels crushed by the weight of this world. And I know that you can give me rest. So, I cry out with all that I have left. — ❤ Let me see redemption win, let me know the struggle ends. That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn. I want to know the sun can rise from the ashes of a broken life, and all that’s dead inside can be reborn. Cause I’m worn. ❤ — I need to life my eyes up, but I’m to weak, life just won’t let up. And I know that you can give me rest, so I cry out with all that I have left. My prayers are wearing thin, I’m worn even before the day begins, I’ve lost my will to fight. So Heaven come and flood my eyes. — ❤ Cause I’m worn ❤ –Tenth Avenue North “Worn, Lyrics”

Covid has stuck me.

Just like Lucifer falling like lightning from the sky, Covid has risen from hell, delivered by Satan himself, to cause me pain and havoc.

Let me explain something to you, I raged war with Satan. I took the fight to him. I went knocking on his door and began to demand that HE turn all the lost souls of my loved ones, friends, co-workers, and sinners near and far loose. In his defense that old serpent, rose up and decided to fight me back, since all the sudden I had become so brave.

As Children of God, our enemy is Satan. The bible tells us that we wrestle not with flesh and blood (we don’t wrestle with our family or friends, even though he uses them as his prime choice of puppets), but we wrestle with principalities and rulers in darkness. We wrestle with the Devil himself. We wrestle with Darkness. We wrestle with the forces of hell itself. But JESUS.. tells me we are made overcomers by the word of our testimony, and by the blood he shed on calvary for us, when he died that day. We are more than conquerors, we are victorious. We are the front liners, in this this war, but we don’t walk alone. We walk with Jesus. He goes before us, after us and he’s on all sides of us.

He never tells us that we won’t suffer sickness, he tells us that by his stripes we are healed and we were healed. It sucks and we may never understand why not everyone gets an earthly healing, some get a healing when they make it home to him. The reason why he calls some home, I’ll never know. But I know his ways are just, holy and his unfathomable love towards us all, is worth whatever may come, and I know whatever comes is for his glory.

My Covid symptoms suck. They could be worse, but they suck. In the easiest terms to understand without turning into dictionary, this sucks. My first symptom was fatigue. I really didn’t even link it to Covid. I attributed my fatigue to starting back working, and just being tired. I only got tested because I found out I was directly exposed to covid, (I thank God for that one, or else I would have been spreading it around like baby oil on a beach filled with plastic skin).

When I went to take the test, it was only for my closure to know I didn’t have it. I was tired, but nothing out of the normal. Employee Health barely swabbed my nose. I didn’t even think they got a good enough swab. I was told to return in 30 minutes for the results. It had been over an hour and nothing back from Employee Health; I knew for certain that I was negative. I mean wouldn’t they have called sooner, if it had been positive? I called to get my results and was told a nurse would be calling me back, another wait period, it was going to be negative, too much of a wait. They finally called and asked if anyone had spoken with me yet, and I told him “NO, but I’m assuming its negative, because ya’ll haven’t been in a hurry.” I could tell my feisty arrogance got the best of me. She proceeded to tell me I was positive for Covid. I think I asked her two or three times if, she was sure. At that moment I just wanted to be sure my job was secure, because I just started my 90 day probation period. We’ll inform HR and you’ll be placed on Covid leave, Okay, so I’m good.

The first day of Covid quarantine, the fatigue got worse. I had to notify my department, and sons’ school, as well as tell family members and anyone who’s been exposed to me, to watch and monitor their symptoms. But I survived it.

The second day of Covid quarantine, the fatigue was worse, my throat appeared to be sore, and I felt awful. The symptoms appeared to be setting in.

Today, is the 3rd day of Covid quarantine, and I feel like a Mack truck as ran me over, backed up, placed it in 18-wheel drive and ran me over again, leaving me lifeless. (18-wheel drive probably isn’t a word, it’s me talking metaphorically, but I’m a child of God raised in the hills of good ole East Ky, and I’ll call it whatever I have to, so you get the point. I’m obviously not illiterate, I just like to write what I feel, and be more relatable to people.) The biggest blessing is I’m breathing well. By body hates itself. I’m jerky, I do not feel well. I’m disoriented, I’m begging for prayers, rest, peace and comfort. I’m crying and whining. I feel like poop. There I said it. I feel like poop. Today, I won’t shower, today I’ll binge sleep, and binge on the computer. BUT TODAY I’LL PRAISE JESUS BECAUSE HE’S STILL GOD, AND TODAY HE’S SHOWING ME HE’S MOVING.

If my pain can bring him glory, then, Jesus bring the pain. If my pain can bring him praise, then, bring the pain. Without rain, flowers won’t grow. Without rain, the dry seasons won’t disappear, without rain, wind, and turbulence, we may never find out where our greatest strength comes from.

I will look to hills from whence my help cometh from, my help cometh from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth.

Before I close, I must remind you all of something. It’s heavy on my heart.

The Story of the Seven Sons of Sceva in the bible.

Acts 19:14-16King James Version

¹⁴ And there were seven sons of one Sceva, a Jew, and chief of the priests, which did so.¹⁵ And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are ye?¹⁶ And the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, and overcame them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.

The reason I felt lead to share this is with you, is because if you’re going to rage war with the Devil and his army, you have to be sure you have the good to overpower it. And I say Good because that good is the HOLY GHOST! You need to be filled with that same spirit that rose Christ from the dead. The same spirit that quickens us for battle.

I will not rejoice because such spirits are subjected unto me, the bible tells us not to. The bible tells us to rejoice because our names are written in the Lambs book of life.

❤ I love you.

❤ Jesus loves you most!

❤ Christie, Warrior for Jesus

I can count a million times people asking me how I Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through. The question just amazes me, Can circumstances possibly Change who I forever am in You.
Maybe since my life was changed, Long before these rainy days, It’s never really ever crossed my mind. To turn my back on you, oh Lord My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times Bring me joy, bring me peace, Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory, And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain, But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty