Weak but Strong

Today is day (I can’t remember) of post covid sickness.

I’ve been so sick in body the past 2 weeks, that I’ve ALMOST been defeated. The key word in that statement is ALMOST. I keep hearing Jesus tell me, this sickness isn’t unto death but rather for my glory.

I hate medicine. All types. For the longest time after Christ recovered me from addiction, I couldn’t even take two extra strength Tylenol without smothering out in fear; much less anything else. It wasn’t because I was afraid overdosing on it, or getting addicted back to anything, my brain automatically processed all medicine as bad and not for me after my addiction crisis. I’m having to learn the hard way that this isn’t the case.

I’ve had a few melt downs and a few breakthroughs over the years, the first was me saying “I have to take Tylenol, it’s not going to hurt me, I weigh too much for 250MGs of Tylenol to be enough for a headache. Then it was with Amoxicillin, with the many ear infections in my left ear drum that I face, this was no easy defeat. Upon taking the first pill, I’d immediately go into watch mode, looking for any type of allergic reaction symptom, especially those that point towards anaphylaxis shock syndrome. In my mind I was sure to die upon taking medicine. Why? The answer is FEAR. I believe at times God gave me no choice but to press through it. I’m not saying he caused the sickness, but I’m saying he used it for his good.

Recently I’ve recovered from Covid, only to take a backset to something. God only knows what this is. It’s not pneumonia, I’ve had a chest x-ray. It’s not blood clots, I’ve had ultrasounds done. Your guess is as good as mine. Yesterday, I was forced to go back to work, I didn’t want to go. Per policy of the facility that I work at, my covid release was up, and I’m still under my 90-orientation probation period, and I wouldn’t be able to use sick days even if I had them accrued; Policy is policy. I prayed and said “God if it’s your will, I’ll go.” Sure enough, I had to return to work. I trust Jesus to show me which paths to take, even when it comes to my writings and what to write and what not to write. I’m learning that there is a time and purpose to everything, (even if the time and purpose doesn’t make sense to us; his word tells us about purpose and timing) …And he also tells us that all things work for the good of those that are called according to his purpose (or reason).

This backset has melted me down without recognition. Not only am I forced to go to work sick and rely upon the strength of Jesus to carry me though the day, but by the time I’ve pulled into my driveway each day, I’ve been in tears because of the body aches, and pains. Miserable isn’t the word for it. I’d describe it as more on the verge of death, only to be kept alive by my Savior. My left ear is in so much pain that the left side of my face is almost numb. My throat hurts so bad. I’ve kept a close eye on my O2, I do not want to eat or drink. My heart is racing, and the top number of my blood pressure is higher than normal. My heart hurts at time. And all I see before my face is the silhouette of Christ. I see him with me. I know he’s with me. I may not feel like his touch is upon me, but I know he’s here. And I know he’ll go all the way with me even until the end of the earth. He tells me that in my weakness, his strength is made perfect. I may not like my current circumstances, but if this is what it takes for his strength to be perfected within me, so be it.

Today, I went to the doctor, I was expecting them to give me my normal amoxicillin for this sickness, but instead they gave me a Zpack. I didn’t want this medicine, no I’m not allergic but I just don’t like medicine, nor do I like climbing these endless mountains that keep appearing before my face. By the time this is all over with, I’ll be able to run the hills like an athlete. ❤ An athlete for Christ! A Warrior for Christ. He knows what he’s doing even if it doesn’t feel good, I assure you he knows.

I will lift his name upon high. He’s a good God, and he’s never failed me, and he won’t fail me ever. Though my flesh is raging war within itself, Jesus is still on my side and he’s on your side to. He doesn’t want us to lean on our own understanding but rather lean upon his understanding. He doesn’t want us to seek our own will, but his will. I promise you his will and his purpose for our lives as individuals and as the whole body of Christ, are greater than anything that we ourselves could ever accomplish on our own freewill. That’s why it’s so important to follow his plans even if it doesn’t feel good. YES, they hurt sometimes. I’ve had to do some of the most gut-wrenching things and say some of the most gut-wrenching things to people (even people that I love dearly) that I never wanted to say on my own, but my obedience to Christ means more to me than my own very life. He’s the love of my life, and he’s, my forever. I’m going to make it to Heaven someday, whether near or far, I’m going. I hope you’ll join me to in this process of becoming who Christ is calling you to be.

If you need anything don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I’m praying for you all, whether I know you personally or whether it’s just someone who may come across my writings, I’m praying that Jesus touches you and helps you.

If you ask me how I know Jesus is real. It’s simple, he leadeth me. He speaks to me; I have a more personal relationship with him than I do anyone. He comes before my Husband, my children, my loved ones, and especially myself. One day, I’ll be exactly who he’s called for me to be, but right now I’m Becoming. and I know my potter has his hands upon me.

Invite Jesus into your heart today. The bible says we have no promise of tomorrow. I know that if I left this world today, I’d be in the arms of the one who made me, but would you? Would he allow you to enter in, or would you be cast into that place called hell where the worm dieth not? How does your garment look? Is it spotless, or is it filled with the stain of sin? You see, I know we all sin daily, but we have a forgiving god that says if we do sin that Jesus himself is our advocate, all we have to do is ask for forgiveness and instantly he cast our sins as far as the east is to the west into the sea of forgetfulness, never to be brought up again. Now, this doesn’t mean that we can purposely sin. Purposely sinning is like saying “Jesus your death wasn’t good enough the first time, let me kill you again with my own bare hands.” I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to kill my Jesus, I want to lift him up, and love on him as much as I can and show my adoration to him, and how precious he is towards me. He’s perfect. He’s my best friend. He’s my resurrecting power. He’s my King, Hes my strength and my portion forever. He’s my healer, he’s my breath, he’s, my life. He’s my Husband, he’s my everything.

Loving my Jesus, showing my scars, telling my story of how Mercy can find you where you are. And I want the whole world to see the desire of my heart. To love on Jesus and tell you about Jesus. His goodness, his mercy, his grace.

He didn’t have to love us, but he chose to. He knew some people would reject him, even unto their death, he knew the ones who would reject them. And did you know that if Judas himself would have asked for forgiveness, I believe that Jesus would have forgiven him, instead he chose to die in sin. Forgiveness is free, and Sin comes at a cost. Choose ye this day, whom ye shall serve. We can’t serve God and the Devil both. You are either all in or you’re all out.

Revelations 3:16 says because though are lukewarm and neither hot nor cold, I will spue thee out of my Mouth.

If you are hot and on fire for Jesus it radiates, and others can clearly distinguish who you belong to. If you are cold, it’s obvious that you are a sinner, but if you are lukewarm, you tend to blend in with whatever crowd you are hanging around with whether it be the hot ones or the cold ones, and it makes you unprofitable. That’s why we are to make a choice. I pray you make the Hot choice.

I want to be so on fire for Jesus that when I walk into the room, people know something is different before I even speak. I want people to feel him, I want people to know, wait a minute she’s different. I want people to know him whom I serve, I want you to know him whom I serve, and I want you to know that the same Jesus I serve is just waiting on you to say, “God here I am, use me, mold me, show me, lead me, guide me, but most importantly save and forgive me.”

I love you ❤

Jesus loves you most ❤

If you need me message me! ❤

❤ Christie.

“Dry bones in the valley, come alive”

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