For His Glory

May 20,2023-

A day I had not looked forward to for so long. You hate me, but I love you.

Today was your birthday, but not just any birthday, my precious pain, you turned 16! I’m so thankful to be your mother. You’re simply amazing, and I think you’re so handsome. That blonde hair, (shew, I pay big bucks to fry mine that color), but you, you’re a natural. I know you’re going big places in this life, and it’s not the places the road you’re on says you’re destined for. I know because I have hope, and faith in your future. I know because I refuse to give up, and I know because I refuse to stop praying.

You see, you can walk away, but you’ll never stop me from loving you. Until my heart stops beating, I’ll love you, and even afterwards I know the very prayers I requested, and the ones I prayed myself, will continue on. I know because I am a child of God, and a praying mother is a force to be reckoned with.

Sometimes I like to think, I’d go back and change it all, but we can’t live in that world, we have to live in the now. We are past then; we are in the now. Then hurts us, now hurts us, but the future is here, and we are to embrace the now, so our future is fruitful.

I feel like I’m catching myself holding onto the pain of losing. The pain is all I’m used to, if I let go of the pain, does that mean I let go of you? NO, that means I heal. I’ll never let go, but the memories of the anguish, the memories of the turmoil, the reliving of the ripping of the scabs, it’s time for all that to stop.

Today was very hard day for me, but as for you my precious pain, I can imagine you had a blessed day. But for me, I cried, I relived the pain, the reason why, and my feelings in the present. I relived the pain of your letter, and I relived the pain of losing you. BUT one of these days, you’ll know, and you’ll see: Son I’m right where you left me! I’ll be waiting patiently for you. I won’t be pushy, I’ll wait, and when the time comes like father waiting for the prodigal to return, so will I meet you afar off and wrap my arms around you and walk with you hand in hand.

I know you’re a young man, you have to live and learn, and I respect every ounce of that. While you’re busy living and learning, I’ll be busy fighting for you in spiritual warfare. — That’s my job. –To pray you through.

No one really understands broken until they experience the pain of losing children, or having children walk away. This pain I’ve been writing about over my pride and pain, its gut wrenching, and at times it mentally drains me. Years ago, the depth of my pride and pain almost cost me my life, this time around the depth of my pride and pain is taking me closer to Jesus. No, I don’t think I am where I am supposed to be with Jesus, but I know I am his and I’m sheltered by his arms. Truth is everyone could probably use a closer walk with Jesus, I’ll raise my hand. This has been one of my darkest seasons yet, and it’s getting even more challenging. Everything is in circles, obstacles, I’m smothering.

-1. My pride and pain walked away.

2. My pain wrote me off (days before Mother’s Day)

3. Eli got his eye cut in the center of his vision, swelled bloodshot looking eye for a few days, with several trips to the optometrist.

4. The school sent me a bad email about my financial aid, (one God quickly fixed)

5. I’m now sick, my throat hurts, my head is stuffy, and I have no voice. The upper respiratory panel showed negative for all, and my strep test was negative. Maybe its allergies, maybe it’s some other virus not detected by the panel, I have no idea, all I know is I feel like poop — just saying.

6. My surgery got moved up two weeks, so now it’s at the end of June

7. Please Lord don’t let there be a 7th

I just got to breath. I could mention a 7th, but on the 7th, Jesus rested, and I’m just going to rest and know he’s still good no matter what may seem, or how troubled my present seems, because Jesus is God and he is always righteous, there is no flaw in him, and no matter what this life brings Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. He’s God and he’s it for me.

I spent today with my family driving back from Ohio. Jesus knew I didn’t want to be alone today, not only did he walk with me in the darkness, but he made sure I was surrounded by the ones who love me dearly and who call me theirs. I recall telling my husband, that I’m no longer alone in my darkness, I have people who are with me. I know Jesus is there, but having my family makes me whole again. To know they won’t walk away, I’m just so undeserving, but I’m thankful. They didn’t birth me, but let me add that because of Jesus using them, they are birthing a love in me that’s out of this world. I’m alive. I’m alive, I’m alive, and I’m learning to love. That perfect love of the Lord, I feel it and I feel in my family. I can only pray I’m half the wife, mother, sister, friend that my family is to me. As I walk through life’s valleys, I’m surrounded by angels, and I think some of my angels have feet. –The Justice Family, you are them. Thank you.

I could rattle and rant, but I’m just broken, but he’s making me whole.

Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us

Jesus, keep making me into who are calling me to be, make me pure, and make me holy, help me to love all those you have placed in my life without hesitation, and to forgive all those who have ever wronged me or hurt me. God it’s not my desire to throw pain back on the ones who rendered me pain, but rather Lord let them surrender to you, because really, they just don’t know what they’re doing. God, you say vengeance is yours and not mine, father I plead for salvation for lost souls, and for your vengeance to come on the enemy himself. I pray you separate these that are held captive in my genetic blood line and wash them in your royal blood line (all of them, not just my children, but all my biological family). I pray Lord shake them, let them surrender, in your perfect timing. If this tilling, plowing, rain, and pruning, is what brings fruit, then so be it to me as you see fitting Jesus. Strengthen me in you Lord. Give me a hunger and thirst for you like I’ve never had before, Lord, make me whole again in your eyes. Also, father, everyone that’s suffering unknown prayers, or things they don’t tell anyone about touch them too. Send deliverance to their lives. They need you! Amen

I pray I’ve said something to help you all, and even if I haven’t thanks for reading my ramble.

I love you, and Jesus loves you most!

Place him first and watch him move. He’s a jealous God and doesn’t want to be second. He’s all or none! Let him be your all, you’re worthy in his eyes, he loves you so much, you became worthy at his death, nothing you can ever do will make him love you less, and you’re perfect the way you are. Don’t wait for change to come before you come to God, go to him as you are, that’s when he does his best work, in the realness, and rawness!

God Loves you!

❤ Christie

The day was Thursday, May 11th, 2023, I had just gotten off work, and got into my car to drive to church. Prior to leaving the parking lot, I noticed my snapchat went off, the message was from Syrus. Tangling with multitasking, while navigating my way to the four lane, I shuffled, to check it.

Like a wrecking ball, hitting me full force, the wind was knocked out of me. My heart began to race, and tears begin to fall.

“I don’t want to hear from you or the rest of your family I love you to death but don’t text me and most importantly don’t expect me to come to your house or church anymore. You showed me your true colors when I asked for MY PHONE CORD, So like your daughter I’m done with you, and so is Judy”

“I love you”

(screenshot)

“If you want to screenshot it go for it I can careless You’re not in my life so it don’t matter, I’m done BYE!!!!”

“I’ll be where you left me, I felt you needed space so I gave it.”

(screenshot)

&..Just like that my pride and pain are gone again.

With my heart racing frantically, I drove to church anyways. I talked to Jesus begging him just please don’t take Eli from me. God I am strong, but not that strong. In that very broken moment, I decided I wasn’t going to be defeated, the devil himself is a defeated foe, and I belong to Jesus! What the enemy meant for evil, Jesus is going to turn it around for good!

While venting to my church sister, I told her I felt like Jacob. I am now even more protective of Eli. I just don’t want anything to happen to him. I don’t want to see him hurt, and I want to take away all of his pain. He’s all I have left, that’s came out of my body. He’s all that’s left of whom I bore in my womb. I just feel empty, broken, and I’m collapsing.

I felt a dagger go in me that day, it went in full force, it was twisted into my guts, and ripped out!

You know what’s funny, nothing, nothing at all is funny, but me being the fierce woman of God that I am, I noticed something in the message Syrus sent to me, the words “I love you”. God gets the glory in this! I may have gotten the breath knocked out of me, but I refuse to lose. I refuse to stop praying, I refuse to accept this is the end! I refuse to back down!

I will Rise, I will Rise, I will Rise.

I say I’m coming out of this Valley; I am coming out stronger than ever before, but right now, I just got to let go and let God!

My prayer is “God rid me of every characteristic, quality, and hinderance that’s not of you. Clean me God and heal me. I don’t want to be numb anymore. Losing them usually makes me go numb, but how can I heal, if I’m busy masking the pain? How can I let you bear the burden if I give it to you, and in return pick up the pieces and carry them back with me. Jesus, I don’t want to be who I used to be, I refuse to die in this valley, I choose to grow in this valley, I choose to let my roots in you become stronger, and I choose you. Despite my pain and suffering you are still Good and You are still my God”

The day after the incident, I went to work. I felt his comfort and peace around me, and today, I still feel him. This has awakening something in me that’s never been awake before, I can’t explain it, but there is a drive within me, that believes harder, prays more, and just wants Jesus. Jesus over everything. I speak Jesus. I stand for Jesus, I proclaim Jesus, and I’ll fight for my kids through and by Jesus. I’m not fighting for custody; I’m fighting for souls. I’m fighting for their salvation, and I’m fighting for everyone they’ll someday witness to themselves.

Are you wondering, what makes me so sure they’ll be saved? Because God’s word promises me my household, and my Jesus he isn’t a man that he can lie. He’s faithful and he loves me, he’ll see me through it.

In the meantime, I’m collapsing. I know I’ve said again and again, but I just blah. I feel like I’m melting into my Saviors arms, no life in me, Jesus himself is the only life that’s with in me, the emotions of losing your children are real. I feel it. My pride and pain, I’m speechless.

On the upside, my semester is over with! Victory Dance! I praise a big hallelujah to my Jesus again! I passed with a 4.0! Straight A’s– My God is faithful. Over the next three months, I’m going to rest. School starts back in August, and I have to tackle micro medical, (UM, Jesus is it too early to raise my hand for more help? LOL). I also have an update on my surgery, it’s in July, but it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be, instead of a six-hour surgery, it’s going to be about two hours, and the mass isn’t behind my ear drum, it’s in front of it. Bonus, there has been no growth, so it appears that it’s just a huge cyst in my inner ear canal, instead of a cholesteatoma. I really believe Jesus has his hands on my ear too.

I may be going into the fire right now, it’s obvious it seems as though its blazing all around me, (the only break I’ve really caught is school), but rest assure, I’m coming out not even smelling like smoke. If this is what it takes to grow my relationship with Jesus, then so be it.

How does one know he’s an ever-comforting God, unless they fully surrender and allow him to comfort. It’s one thing to say, and beg for comfort, but another thing to say, catch me Jesus, I’m going down. I’m yours!

How do we know him as healer, unless we trust he’s got the bigger plan and he’s able to heal. God not my will but your will. If I die, I’m yours, if I live, I’m yours still!

This life isn’t about walking on our own two feet, it’s about walking in the paths that Jesus leads us, no matter how dark or dim the situations or circumstances around us seem. It rains on the just and unjust. Life happens to all, and no matter what we face we have to keep going.

One of these days, it will all be worth it, when I’m dancing with Jesus on the other side of Jordan. My dad will be there, and you know what, I won’t be crying anymore. — One day, but until then, I’m going to keep on keeping on, preaching and witnessing God’s word, even in this broken state, you know why? Because Just Jesus… He’s worth it!

I love you all!

I pray you heal from all of your wounds you aren’t telling anyone about!

Remember Jesus loves you Most!

❤ Christie

And the spiral begins again.

Poof he’s gone.

Will it ever stop? Highly unlikely, I breathe in, I breathe out, I hold Eli, exhale some more, pray, beg, shake my fist at the sky (it’s not God’s fault) I just wonder why.

Why What?

Why must I endure the never-ending cycle of my pride and pain; this pain goes even deeper now; Eli is being affected by it.

First, I am afflicted and left with battle wounds, and now Eli.

I try to wrap my mind around why she always takes him when she gets upset; that I’ll never know. I keep watching the clock. three years and counting down. They’ll be of age, but then what? They’ve been raised to believe I’m the Jesus pushing enemy, but that’s not so.

My heart, just a bleeding vessel; however, if they knew the pain that laid within it for them would it make a difference? I suffocate. I love them so much. Why am I not fighting, because it’s too late to fight physically, so I war on my knees praying and pleading to Jesus for salvation, reunions, and mercy to be extended to all parties involved. One thing I have learned over the years is, when it comes to custodial battles everyone only see’s their side of the story, rarely is the other parties pain felt by the opposing side. I feel it. I see the why back then, but now, this just don’t make sense. God, make it stop, My Lord please bring them back. I don’t even know if I can handle them, but at least make a way for me to see them. A little more breathing, I’m still alive and I feel the pain.

Incase I’ve lost you while venting, let me explain. My pride and pain are my oldest two children, whom I lost all custodial rights to back when I was on drugs. It is not physically possible for me to get any rights back to these children; I’ve looked into it. For the past 5 years or so I have been at the Mercy of Jesus and their paternal grandmother. God has been so good to me; he always makes a way when there isn’t a way. But, when it comes to her, I feel like a victim, in all actuality the real victim are the kids. Looking at the inside of the picture from the outside, I see shattered lives, innocence, and fragile memories. I see children who were given the best chance at life given the circumstances, but I also see two individuals who loved two kids so much, who were willing to do whatever it took to make sure they were taken care of. Only no one see’s my part. I loved them so much when they were younger and when I was on drugs, that I left them alone with her. I trusted her, I still do. I just don’t understand her. I was never supposed to lose them. I loved her and still do. I’m broken. Why hurt me? Why not come together as a village and raise them? It’s too late for that. Syrus will be 16 soon. Jaylah is 14 and living in Tennessee. They don’t see me as mom, and I get it. They see me as a stranger, I see them as children I bared, and gave life to. I see them as my heart walking away, teenage strangers, and victims. I see them as precious jewels, and bright diamonds. I see them as future leaders, not convicts. I see them as future children of God, and as businessmen/women. I see them as my babies, the ones I love more than myself, but I also see them as numbness.

Every time this scab heals, it is ripped back off and I bleed out more. Only its different, Eli is now being bothered by this. I said it again. My autistic son is being affected by the coming and going of his brother. It’s not preventable. I can shut my door and stay numb, but hearing him ask and wonder why, my heart breaks. I wish I could give them all the world; I wish I could go back and raise my pride and pain the way I am raising Eli. I feel selfish, life isn’t fair. Why didn’t anyone one help me? How did I not know to help myself back then? I destroyed them, myself and now my past choices are destroying Eli.

God help me it hurts. I am yours.

On my way to my adopted moms house today, I began to think about the pain I am in, how I feel so misunderstood, and how I just feel absent. I’m present in body, but mentally, I’m space cadeting. Who needs drugs when you can suit up and bounce off mentally, while holding on by the hem of his garment.

Matthew 9:21 For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole

Jesus, I know you are there. No, I don’t want to do anything rash. I do not have ill thoughts of harm about myself or others. I just hurt.

Do you know what else hit me?

Jesus knows and he physically feels. (I know what you are thinking, blah blah blah, Jesus freak, go on with yourself). But no, seriously hear me out.

Jesus knows. He understands my pain. He felt my pain, and he still feels my pain.

Think about it. He’s real. He was real, and he is still very much alive and real. scripture tells us that, —For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.–Hebrews 4:15-16

Interesting.

But even more so, it came to me that Jesus understands how I feel because he felt the same pain himself. He felt the pain of rejection from his children.

John 1:11 He came unto his own, and his own received him not

He knows what it’s like to have those who he loves reject/not to want him. He knows what it’s like to love someone and not feel loved back, he knows because he experienced it firsthand. He was a peacemaker. For the first time ever today, I felt that Jesus felt me when it comes to all this madness, and I find comfort in it. I find comfort in knowing he overcame the rejection/pain and so will I. I find comfort in knowing that I share that personal experience of love and rejection like Jesus did, and I find comfort in knowing that I may someday lose everyone, but at the end of the day I’ll never lose Jesus. He tells me he’ll go all the way with me, even until the end.

Matthew 28:20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world

His presence is something I can’t explain, but it’s also something I am not willing to sacrifice for anyone.

My life is full of ups, downs, dances, screams, cries, joy, thunders, roars, and stillness.

My life is full of Jesus. In the madness he carries me, in the joy I dance with him, in the sorrow I cry to him, in the manic, I worship him.

Joyful, joyful oh how I adore him, oh how I adore knowing I am understood by him.

Whatever you are facing, I’m rooting for you too.

Whatever you are struggling with, my Jesus is with you.

Whatever you are in need of, feel for him, he’s there, you just got to open up to him.

He’s faithful and he won’t allow us to go through more than we are able to.

1 Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it

Sometimes it seems like things never end because we are facing it alone and in ourselves. Sometimes and often we just need to escape to that mental head space where only Jesus is and be held by him.

Though the storms are many, my anchor he holds me close and steady. Just another mountain to climb, just another valley to go through. In this valley, I’ll find my lily and keep on keeping on.

Strengthen me Lord, for I am yours.

AMEN.

I love you all!

Jesus loves you most!

❤ Christie

Are you stuck? Do you feel like this is lasting forever? Once, again welcome to my world. This chapter / season seems like the longest one of my life. While Spring has now made it here, and a new season has officially begun, the lingering effects of Winter still remain, and however spiritual Winter is wanting to drag out as if the groundhog showed up twice and predicted a double season instead of just 6 more weeks.

A new chapter has begun for me. I started a new job, one I feel like I can stick with until I graduate college, (unless Jesus show’s me otherwise). I now work as a customer service representative for Appalachian Wireless. I get to sit at my desk and help troubleshoot people about these handy little devices that seem to be taking over the world. The staff is the finest I have ever met. They have gone above and beyond to exceed expectations, of how a corporate office should treat their employees, they are bending over backwards to accommodate my hearing disability, and as soon as I walked into my area the signs started appearing. The signs are everywhere.

I live for Jesus, my family, and these signs. I’m surrounded by the love of Jesus, Butterflies, ladybugs, and owls. When I am weak Jesus sends me a sign. When I am questioning, I see a sign. Believe me when I say, I question everything. I question things down to the fine details that people often don’t read, I question. I’m like a child who stomps their feet and shout’s ” I need to know, and I need to know now!” But God’s plans don’t work that way. His timing / direction is perfect, and his timing/direction is the one I’m waiting on.

Spiritually I believe he is strengthening me. I went through a recent decline where I almost let go. Struggles got hard, I almost caved, while I was saying God was still Good, I personally almost fell due to the pain. Marital issues can hurt. I cry silently almost every day begging Jesus to move, to save, to restore, to perform his promises. I’ve always known he’s going to perform that which he promised me, from the first till the last, he’s going to perform, but I’m learning the details I don’t know, and I’m not going to know them. I’m not going to know the when, or where. But I do know the way. The way the promises are going to be performed are through Jesus, and him only. (John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me), WHY, because Jesus is faithful and he’s not a man. (John 1:1;10 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.; He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not.)) God hates liars, and he himself is not a liar. He made several promises, and he himself is lining everyone up. God’s promises are closer to unfolding than what people realize. The problem is we are getting tired in the waiting. Instead of growing tired, we need to be preparing ourselves in Jesus so we can receive what he’s been preparing over the years.

Galatians 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

ME of all people, I almost let my own weary heart knock me out of God’s personal promises to me. I’ve stood for years. I’ll keep standing. He’s making me stronger. I’m gaining battle wounds. I feel like I’m in the fight club. Mentally, I’m battling a battle few understand. I pour myself into Jesus, my mom, my sisters, and best-friend. One of these days, though, Oh! What a glorious day it will be when I cry to the world about the full filling of them all, down to the very last one. That last promise is what helps me to hold on, even when I want to throw in the towel.

Trust in God’s timing, let him prepare you for what you are waiting for. I don’t know all the details, I only know that one day, one by one by one every personal promise that Jesus has made to his children pertaining to their lives will come to past, that is if we cling to him and be obedient to what he calls us to do. You can’t preach to the world, if you don’t first let him preach to you.

While part of the 2nd promise has already began to take place (my family has taken me under their wing, I call them mom, dad, my sisters, etc.) it is waiting on the last three that take my breath away. The first promise has made me want to throw the towel in so many times its unreal. But there’s Jesus and those signs. The sign of the last promise. I cannot express in words, the IMPORTANCE of waiting on that last promise, (In my darkest of dark, we are talking midnight when the thieves break in to steal and kill,) is what’s kept me going when I don’t want to go. I cannot express that I’ve wondered how it will take place, but I will confess I know all I was told is Witness. One day, I’ll bear you witness face to face, and you’ll know I was silent so God could work.

Waiting on the first promise is making my anxiety and PTSD worse. I don’t trust anyone outside my family. I think people of the oppose gender are pretty, but best left alone. One day I feel like I’ll be taking care of my kids with just Jesus, and my family and I’m okay with that. I can’t dare seeing myself ever trust anyone again because of the pain of the first. But I’ll keep holding on and praying. The darkest hour is right before the dawn. When it’s good its good, and when its bad, I’m isolating to my family. I try to shut my mind down, but it wonders like the wind. I shut the last promise out and pray, pray, pray. I speak life and not death. I speak life from the first promise until the last. I speak life and salvation over all of God’s creation. I speak life over my family, over my husband, over my kids who hate me, over Eli who suffers from Autism. I speak life over my family’s family, I speak life over all the darkness that you are battling. I speak life into the darkness. I know Jesus hears me, and I know Jesus wants me to stand, and I know the devil wants me to let go. I am the bridge between my family, and these promises. Sure, it’s hard to believe when I’ve only saw part of one take place, but believing is all I have left to do. I believe because of Jesus, and I believe because Jesus is faithful. I believe because he helps me believe. I believe when I can’t breathe. BUT I won’t go against Jesus not for a minute, even if it would bring the last promise in sooner. I been there done that, and all I done was place a halt on it. God’s timing isn’t like our timing, there’s stuff that he wants us to learn, do in preparation. Pruning sucks, growth is painful. Imagine the caterpillar and the butterfly, what a beautiful transformation, but the middle part where the caterpillar forms a cocoon, isolates in the dark, becomes mooshy and undone, only to be place back together more beautiful than ever before; yep, that ending is the part I’m waiting for. Consider this my cocoon, I am here, but I’m busy being transformed while in waiting.

I am Job, but one day I will be Esther,

I love you all, I pray I’ve said something to help you.

Email me. I’d almost put my personal email on here, but my WordPress email is plenty.

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Jesus loves you most, he wants you to trust him, and get back out to his house. (Sorry, not sorry, that’s what came to me)

❤ Christie

I cry.

In the silence of my mind, I cry. Silent screams the world doesn’t hear, I cry.

God please make it stop. Please make it better. I know you’re there, and I need a breakthrough.

I get silence. More silence. More bitterness. My faith is tested.

I feel like a single strand of twine being stretched farther and farther and farther, when will I reach my breaking point? Soon? Later? or NEVER?

My faith is stronger than this turmoil.

My oldest son is out of control. I mean really out of control. Everything from sex, drugs, rock and roll, and getting in my face.

Jaylah hasn’t spoken to me in almost a year.

Eli is my rising sun, and sunset. He’s so sweet, but rotten also. –I know he loves me. To him I’m the greatest mommy in the world, and to the others I’m just existing in their worlds. Is this a part of life? Do I need more kids to help me stay in that moment of never-ending love, or is it just Eli’s personality? I’d rather it be his personality than a part of life.

I’ve always heard our kids pay us back for all the things we done when we were kids; if that’s the case then heaven help me because I was one hell of a child. I was horrible, lonely, absent, present, and a Renta kid. I was a prisoner in that home, but also an adventurer. I was awful, but awesome at the same time.

I get the world both my pride and pain are living in, I’ve lived it from the inside out, everything from the parental abandonment, and chaos. I see their lives from the window of my younger soul. From this window its void, dark, and empty, but from the outside looking in I see my world walking around as I stand still wishing and waiting for it all to come back together. Two different perspectives, two different angles, three separate lives all living in a parallel universe.

For the past few days my prayer has been Jesus make me stronger, but don’t let me fall. If I have to go through this, make me stronger, but don’t let me fall. Lord help me. I need you. I need you to bring meaning to this journey, and light to light my way. I need you to help because I cannot help myself. I don’t want to read your word. I am not blaming you, I am just in a void, but yet all I crave is your comfort, and freedom. I feel like I’m coming undone is so many ways. — But yet, I stand, and I wait. Jesus you’re still good when nothing around me feels good. It’s not your fault, its merely a reflection of bad choices, chance, and circumstance and those things happen to all. — Just hold me Lord and carry me through. I pray Jesus, turn my oldest son into a reflection of you. I refuse to give up, and I refuse to back down. If you can transform Paul in the bible, then you can transform anyone. — Let it be according to your great will. Nothing is impossible for those who believe. And well Jesus, all I have left to do is believe. It’s who I am. There’s nothing for me to look back to. You before me, the world behind me, even in this world of pain. I plan to become more numb. — Why? Because the pain is mentally killing me. I hate to isolate even more, but I will and guess what I can. Its scary when I isolate, I can be right in front of you, and literally not be present. Few I say few have the ability to keep me open to them. –My watchful eyes, ears, and heart makes it rare for me to trust anyone. But I do, there is a few, and well you get the picture. — I’m watching. I’m broken.

I dream of a day when I am made whole. But that day isn’t today. Today I cry.

I was scrolling through Facebook and saw this after having an episode with Syrus:

For I will fight those who fight you, and I will save your children.
Isaiah 49:25

I’m losing the old me in all this. I’m not who I was three months ago. I’m stronger, and more confident, I’m broken, but I’m not on eggshells. I’m fierce and a force to be reckoned with. I’m Me, I am a child of God and I know who fights for me. I’m not afraid of you or your darkness, on the contrary I am fighting for you in the silence of your darkness. —

Faith, Love and Hope. The Greatest is love!

I love, but I’m broken. I’m learning to love when it’s impossible to love (myself, and others included). I’m learning to love unconditionally when I’m broken and cannot love. I’m learning to love like Jesus, and say I care when the world tries to destroy me.

I will bless the name of Jesus even in this darkness, and when the light rises, I’ll continue to bless him. He’s got more for me. The sun will shine, his promises are true. —

❤ I love you all

❤ Jesus loves you most

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie

I’m in a blank. I’m in a daze. Somedays I can’t focus, and other days I’m feel like I’m wired. God help me I feel like I’m coming undone. Then I hear him whisper “My daughter, I’ve got you in my hands, its ok to breathe.”

I have survived Midterms and have about 7 weeks left of this semester. I’m at that labored breathing stage. ❤

I want to vent.

I want to be loud.

I want to scream!

But I can’t I’m bound to silence.

But do you hear me?

I went to Cato’s today. I bought me a yellow shirt, with ladybugs all over it. ❤

There was a name etched on the stall of the bathroom today, it made me think of owls.

I no longer question God; I just breathe and whisper “Thank you.!”

I made it to my ENT specialist. He decided to do more testing, a follow up on May 1st, and then a decision will be made. I had asked Jesus’ prior, and during the appointment to lead all decisions, so I’m comfortable with the outcome. My doctor is very cautious about jumping into any surgery, and he doesn’t want to add more problem to cause. –To me it was like giving God more time to work his miracle. Again, I’m ok with that. Inhale, exhale. I’m just breathing.

Syrus, my Syrus. I’m smothering out with it, him, and the overall situations. To be completely out of control over a situation and see your soon to be 16-year-old son out of control. What does one say. I pray and pray, and I lean upon the breastbone of Christ to keep me afloat. Syrus is the exact crowd I hope to reach someday. Syrus is the type of individual I want to see freed. Syrus is the type of individual I want to see make a 100% turn around not because he’s my flesh and blood but because everyone thinks he’s headed nowhere fast. Don’t get me wrong I think that too, but I know there is hope for someone like my baby. And I know that very same hope, promises me my household. Syrus is my household. — I caught Syrus was smoking weed tonight. My Mom handled him, my sisters and me lectured him, and I’m left speechless as to how? I see me in him, I see the old me in him, I see the pain, the wondering, the anxiety, and I see the need in him. Faith, love and HOPE. I have Faith, God is going to do it, I have love in him so big that I will never give up, and I have HOPE that someday, Jesus will transform him. So, as much as I want to turn him away, I’m reminded that Jesus don’t never turn me away, and I may be the only bible he is reading. Kudo’s he’s lost his electronics, and FYI, when we take trips, he’ll be searched. It pesters me because he does such dumb stuff, but I remember as I look in that mirror, I done it too. I’m coming undone. Jesus catch me as I fall.

Don’t lecture me on getting him back, he’s about a month from being 16 by the time I fought it, he’d be over age. He stays with me constantly; I just don’t have any legal say over him. I already live without Jaylah. Have you ever experienced being cut with a knife that’s glowing hot. A knife so hot it severs the feelings and cauterizes the arteries to prevent bleeding out as it cuts. Jaylah is that knife. I’m numb. It’s a different type of numbness. One that went into place to keep me from dying. It hurts so bad; I don’t feel it. I’m not good like that, this level of numb takes years to get to. I was that numb with Syrus, but Jesus showed me its ok, to love, hold, mold, and nurture him. Now I’ve went bat crap crazy trying to figure out how to raise a wild child. — I’m not complaining. It’s more of an informative. Roll my Eyes.

But where is Jesus? I’ll tell you where he is.

He’s in this storm.

He’s in this struggle.

He’s in my madness.

He’s there when I want to bounce states to nowhere. He’s there.

Jesus is always with me.

One day, all this will be worth the wait.

In the meantime, I’ll praise him. I’ll love him. I’ll try my hardest to remember him first. I’ll do my homework and remind myself he’s called me to do it. I’ll forgive often and ask him to help me love the unlovable, including myself. GRRR. I grouchy. ❤ Insert smiley.

Rant over.

Psalm 121 1-2 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, From whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, Which made heaven and earth

1 Peter 5:10 But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you

Remember I love you,

&. Jesus loves you most!

If you need me email me christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie

I really didn’t have a topic. A voice kept telling me “Don’t write, don’t write.”

Puzzling…

What do I do? I offer myself to Jesus. I ask him to anoint me, lead me, and open me up to hear what the spirit would have to say. My Lord, guide my hands up on the keys, bringing out the message you would have me to deliver. And Jesus, if it’s not you, take it away.

Here Goes!

You have to let God in. I’m not playing. He’s near to you.

I struggle constantly with this. I’m like Jacob, I wrestle with Jesus. I wrestle with knowing does he really love me? Will he really forgive me, oops did I sin again? Is he turning me away for good this time? Have I gone too far to be forgiven. I do the same old routine. I go to bed. I pray Jesus forgive me, a few other words (to me what feels like blah blah blah) I’m being real with you. I struggle to feel Jesus. I struggle to accept his love for me is more than I can fathom or imagine. I struggle to accept his love for me is worth every tear, all the suffering, and the searching. I struggle to accept that he loves me, and he wants me to accept myself. I struggle with my walk with Jesus. But one thing remains I will not curse him. — I will tell you he is good. I will tell you he loves you beyond reason, and I will push to get you to believe he is good. Although I struggle to straighten out this crown on my head (until I have to lay it at his feet) I am a daughter of a King, so yeah, I wear one. Maybe I’m arrogant, but I glory in Jesus. I glory in knowing he loves you. I glory in knowing he wants you. I glory in knowing and proclaiming he’s righteous. I glory in that name above all names JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, yes, JESUS! I glory in the King. Nothing that we have suffered can be compared to what awaits us if we grab hold and continue to hold on to Jesus.

I’m not saying don’t grieve or mourn. I’m not saying don’t question why the circumstances had to happen the way they did. I’m not saying don’t curse me under your breath, because you probably are. I’m not saying don’t roll your eyes, because you probably did, and you’re probably thinking I’m bible thumping, when I’m not. But what I am saying is let Jesus back in! Maybe I’m screaming it. I just want to kick the door down, and open it myself, but I can’t. I can’t mend your heart; I can’t heal your wounds. But I can tell you of a man who can.

I live like I’m broken. Sometimes I’m in a constant broken state. I’m ran ragged. Its midterms in my second semester of college, my mind is crazy. I’m accepting life as it comes to me. Some stuff I’ll never put on here, there’s a time and place for it. My sisters, mom and Sarah are my keepers. They know everything. I talk to them about all the hard stuff.

I was thinking tonight. I don’t feel you Jesus. I even told my sister I didn’t feel Jesus, and just as I opened up my bible to read a chapter at bedtime, a voice softly spoke, “Turn to Job”, I listened. I opened up to the 1st chapter, verse 20—chapter 3– last verse. As I was reading, I saw were Job lost everything he had, and he still worshipped God. His wife tried to get him to curse God, but Job refused. He maintained his integrity and never once cursed the creator. Then it started clicking. …….

Job questioned God. He questioned WHY. He questioned why things had to happen why they did. He cursed the day he was born. He wished he was never born. Life got painful. He wanted to die. He wanted to give up. He didn’t want to go on. He didn’t feel like he had a reason to go on. Life was physically, mentally, and emotionally painful. But guess what else, I believe it got spiritually painful too. He still believed, but he was hurting with why, and how come he had to lose it all. But he never once said God was bad. He maintained that God was good, even though he never understood why he had to go through what he went through. He kept his integrity in Jesus.

How often do you feel like that. Are you really Job or are you losing your integrity for the Christ because the pain of the circumstances. I know that was harsh. But you see we have a great God who knows and who knew all this would happen. He knew we would struggle to hold on when the storms, pains, tragedy, trials, buffers, and tribulations came. He knew we would need him to remind us how much he loved us daily. He knew we would be on the verge of saying lights out. He knew some of us would walk away completely, but he knew some of us would reach up and grab his hand has we take our last breath. He knew we would gasp for air, as we exhale life, and inhale newness. He knew we would shed tears, shed light and walk back into the darkness just to lead others out. He knew we would need him. Thats why he died for us. — He knew, and he knows. Guess what. He’s not done yet…You just got to let him back in. Even if you hate me for what words are spoken, don’t hold it against Jesus, he loves you, and I’m well. roaring!

 Job 1:20-22 Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.

Job 2 1-10 Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them to present himself before the Lord.  And the Lord said unto Satan, From whence comest thou? And Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.  And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause.  And Satan answered the Lord, and said, Skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life.  But put forth thine hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face.  And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, he is in thine hand; but save his life.  So went Satan forth from the presence of the Lord, and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown.  And he took him a potsherd to scrape himself withal; and he sat down among the ashes.  Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.  But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.

FYI–I feel like JOB. I have lost Syrus and Jaylah, my pride and pain. I made the grandma mad again today because I took up for myself and Syrus, its hard telling when I’ll see Syrus again. I wonder why I keep having to relive the pain of losing them. Jaylah hasn’t spoken to me in almost a year. My heart breaks. I won’t speak of my marriage, it’s not bad, but Jesus don’t want me speaking of it, so I keep it off the radar. He’s good to me, but it is what it is. My health seems like a whirl wind. I go for an MRI this Friday and follow up with an ENT specialist on Monday. I’ll be having 2 circulation test next week; I am following back up with vascular at the end of the month. I struggle with my weight. One minute I’m dieting the next minute I’m eating a half of pizza and pound of lo mien. Chinese anyone? Sometimes I pray for my drive with Jesus to grow, other times I pray to get by. Right now, I’m praying, just to stay afloat, and get through the next few weeks. I anticipate the ENT doctor will want to do surgery. Did I ever tell you I hate medicine, and doctors? Can you imagine the anxiety? Will I go in for a simple ear procedure and not make it off the table? I still trust Jesus, and he’s still good? My integrity still remains! — I won’t curse God!

I hope you got something out of this, as I feel it come, I feel it leave.

I love you ❤ I’m mean ❤

I’M ROARING FOR JESUS ❤

Jesus loves you most ❤

Christie ❤

Email me. I’ll read them.

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

I pray you find Jesus in the midst of this darkness.

I’m still praying, shed the shame, and be held by him!

Do you believe?

I keep preaching it, and speaking it, but do you see it? Sometimes it’s here and we are so caught up in our fears that we cannot allow ourselves to receive it, because we are bound by the madness.

Inhale, exhale. Deep breath. Dance with me. Come into my mind, and I’ll show you the darkness, and madness. I’ll also the light that’s extinguishing everything that’s not beneficial to my wellness. (I’ve been fighting the light, if you follow me closely, you’ve saw it’s a bit of a habit.)

In November I started a new job as a medical receptionist. – In January, circumstances around my job started making me second guess my whole being there. I started closing up. I started isolating (the pattern is omnipresent). I started distancing myself from coworkers and finding myself closed up alone in my own little world. I begin to feel the “I’m not up to their standards feeling” I started wanting to escape. From that moment forward, I begin to watch it all, every motive, every talk, every whisper. I began to pay attention to tone, appeal, and how individuals communicated with me and with each other. I begin to notice, me being out of place, not just in my own head, but in others’ opinions. I begin to be in want of an escape. During lunch I’d splurge to exercising, and music. I’d get as far away from people as I possibly could. There’s just something about displacement and not belonging.

I’ve been suffocating since January. – I have to heal. (Stop thinking, Girl, you have been suffocating since I’ve known you, I have, and I haven’t been. I’m just slowly getting to where I need to be, and so are you).

Between the stress of school, work, health, and me being mentally nonexistent at home I am pooped. I’m taking a break. — A much needed break, before I collapse. I’m quitting work for about a month to focus on Jesus, my health, and my home life. I need Jesus, I have to pass this semester, and my family needs me. Right now, all anyone is getting from me is how I am constantly overwhelmed by some dumb crap at work that keeps throwing me off balance.

But my Jesus, he is healing me. Look at the big picture. I’ve found acceptance with my family, walls are dropping and raising. I am mending. I love those around me, but I’m also protective of myself. I’m learning to trust Jesus even if I can’t see his bigger plan, and my faith is growing more and more.

Today I reached my ledge –with work. I’m jumping. I quit. Jesus, catch me. I didn’t use wisdom, I used the wings you gave me, help me to fly.

Oh, kudos, vascular appointment number two came and went, and you know what? My arteries are clear. God confirmed it twice! He’s so amazing. Guess what else, at the end of the appointment, I looked over, and there it was… a ladybug tattoo on some random person’s arm! I knew Jesus placed that there for me. I find comfort in the signs he gives me. I know he walks with me.

I go for an MRI on my brain and inner ears on March 10th. Then on March 13th, I follow up with an ENT specialist to look primarily at a mass in my left mastoid. I personally think its fluid, it feels like fluid, but whatever it is Jesus has this and he has me. I won’t be shaken. —- I look forward to having this resolved and enjoying my summer with my family and rug rats while chasing rollercoasters, swimming pools, hot tubs, and long road trips.

But right now… I just need to let the almighty physician heal me. Mentally. Spiritually, and trust he also has me physically. He formed me. —

Darkness my friend, –We are breaking up.

Madness, –I’m madly in love with the healing my savior Jesus is bringing to me.

Light, –infiltrate me, pump life into my lungs that have been drown for so long. Resuscitate me. Bring me back to life, surround me with your presence, and never let me go. — Give me thy word, for thy word is life, with it I shall not stumble, but rather I’ll dance on the water and keep my eyes on the promises that lay just ahead.

I’m pressing into this revival that’s here. I want all Jesus has for me. —

I love you ❤

Jesus loves you most ❤

Christie ❤

–Today after venting to my bff Sarah about the chaos at work and life in general, she sent something to me. I know it had to be at the hand of God–

When I arrived at the cliff in the valley, there was no room in my soul for fear, for I knew that God had brought me this far and He would still be with me. And though I am patiently waiting to see what miraculous thing He will do, I hold on to His promise “I know the plans I have for you”

It’s time for healing, time to move on
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong

Time for a milestone, time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything, I surrender

Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly, something Heavenly

Time to breathe in and let everything out

❤

Yesterday, Jesus told me that I needed to start posting videos to my blog.

This is new to me, but whatever he bids, that I want to do.

❤ Remember I love you,

❤ Jesus loves you Most

❤ Christie

If you need me reach out to me.

(2)Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/christie.rogers7373/videos/1649288008837410

I should be sleeping. It’s my day off. But I’m not. I hear a voice telling me “You need to write in the back of my mind.”

While wrestling with thought, sleep, ear pain, and the creeping sleep I grab my computer, a NEHI peach, Tylenol, and my headphones.

Prayers first, music, and hands on the keys– Jesus you take the lead.

The week of February 20th came in this year untamed and very much thought of. Beginning with Friday the 17th, I had to call in work due to flood waters keeping me from getting home the night prior, (causing me and my boys to have to crash at a hotel). Friday, Saturday and Sunday the tensions built daily. Normally I don’t think and normally I don’t allow myself to reminisce. This year was different. –Then I paired the two.

On Friday the 17th, I joined my family in a Karen Peck concert. One of my favorite locals was opening for them (Chosen). Just three days before deadline. Tick tock, Tick tock. —

On Saturday we participated in Kingdom Connection. (Oh, what a feeling, to set at his feet, and press when I can’t feel nothing but fear and what if.) Tick tock, tick tock two days left.

Sunday was church morning. A warrior’s cry for prayer, one day left. tick tock, tick tock. (The clock never stops)–

I’ve begged and pleaded since the news. Jesus, spare my life, I’ll do anything, (Truth be told, I’m so drained of energy, I do well enough to function. Welcome to the truthful part of me)

Sunday night hit me differently. –“Daddy’s been dead 8 years on the 21st, and the day of my fate, (tick tock, tick tock) will mark the 8th year anniversary of when I last saw him alive”—- Coincidence, I think not!

Monday, February 20th,2023 let’s go to Lexington. I get up, shower, attempt to straighten my hair, (humidity you suck; thank you covid, and blonde bleach for the fuzz bucket look). My mom drove, and I was surrounded by my sisters, and niece. –

I want to back track a little; follow with me, I promise there is always a point, and relevance. — In December I celebrated Christmas. This Christmas was different. My Jericho walls were broken. — Every fiber in me now lives and loves (the catch, I’m so guarded, that it takes Jesus himself to show me its ok, when to guard and not guard) it took Jesus years to show me it’s ok to love these people, (note they adopted me in, just like Jesus grafted the gentiles into his Kingdom, and shows no difference, My Mom, Dad, grafted me in. I wasn’t biologically born of them, but they took me and my kids in as if I was and always have been one of theirs. – After celebrating a quick Christmas at home with Danny, Eli and my stepson, Me, Eli and Syrus went to Moms and Dads where we were surrounded by new siblings, my niece and nephews. — I really only thought we was going to and eat, (I always eat with them,) but no, as much as they done for their biological children, they had done for me Eli, and Syrus. But why; I wasn’t theirs. Because they loved me and they accepted me despite my flaws, setbacks, tears, and despite how many times I try to run from Jesus (do you feel me) Mom and Dad took me in. (Mind you, this was part of the promises of Jesus). — They’re coming to past.

Now, fast forward to my fate date and anniversary of the last visit, I had with my daddy. —

God, you take over. — I’m weak and wearisome.

Daddy, I’ll write to you.

I love you, and I miss you. I pray you know I spent that day wishing you was going with me. I pray you know I thought about you the night before and I posted about you on Facebook as the tears fell. I pray you know even though I don’t allow myself to sit and cry daily, I love you, and I pray you know that even though I call them Mom and Dad that no one will ever or could ever take your place or my mommy’s place. I’m hardheaded but not hardhearted. I’m numb, and think people are full of it (including myself,) but I’m not selfish and rude. I love them Daddy and they love me. They accept me, and I accept them. With all the hell I went through as a kid, (I know, I know my mom done her best; but still, I have scars from years ago) The Justice family are my normal, and I’m their adopted daughter/jokester. They can’t take me in a store, or well anywhere without me saying something, even while praying, I’ll throw it out there, (Jesus help me to sing, because I can’t follow a tune.) I make random jokes about loosening people up with mag citrate (just because they’re so tight). I think I get that part from you, but when I say I go overboard, it’s to the deep end where the anchor rest. I’d rather see them laugh than to see them cry. I’d rather keep the mood happy than show the sappy that lays inside me, you know what though, they know the sappy parts within. I talk their ears off, and they know all the hidden details. Mom and my sisters know all the brokenness, and they know things no one else ever will, and they love me. They never let me walk alone. — They are meant to heal me daddy, — Heal me from the brokenness of losing you. Jesus gave you your healing in heaven, and I was left with an open wound, shattered heart, and darkness. –They’re teaching me love don’t have to hurt. They’re showing me its ok to drop the walls. I needed them, they loved you daddy, and they’ll always lead me right daddy. One of these days, you and dad will dance on the shores of Jordan, with Jesus, and rejoice because all 3 of you have been my dad, but for now I’ll praise Jesus with them and dance on earth as we lead people their last mile home. I know you understand.

Now on to Monday February 20,2023. Tick tock, tick tock, the day is here. — As we got to UK, the appointment was in the hands of Jesus. Me and mom went into the clinic, as my sisters and niece waited outside. I checked in and took a seat. My vitals were taken, and I was called back shortly. As I set there, I notified people via messenger of the status (I’m in the back, pray!) I asked Jesus for peace, and for him to lead the doctors. —deep breathe, I’m not alone. I have people who love me and I won’t be scared.

The results were in. Remember– I was diagnosed with 50-69% blockage in both main arteries. —

But my Jesus (insert scene where you see a desk person throw their whole folder all over the floor)….

First, I saw an apprentice, and then I saw the specialist. — I was shown pictures of arteries with blockages, and I was shown pictures of my arteries. —-I was shown a miracle at the hands of the Father. — I WAS SHOWN NO PLAQUE, AND NO BUILD UP, MY ARTERIES ARE 100% CLEAR! I HAVE BEEN HEALED. oh, how I praise his name. My Mom spoke up and said “Christie, that’s because you have gotten in all those prayer lines, the apprentice looked completely confused, but he was given a powerful testimony of Jesus.– Was it a miss-reading from the original results NO! My doctor heard the sound of the arteries, the blockage was there, but I stand to tell you, my Jesus is a way maker, a promise, keeper, a light in the darkness, and he’s making a way in this desert that you feel you are wondering through. — Just hold on his promises are nigh!

He’s so good!

I spend the rest of the day testifying to everyone. The day of Daddy’s death came and went, but mind you, I’ll never forget the Miracle on the 8th Year! — What was supposed to be a day of sadness, turned to Joy because of Jesus. — And your Joy is coming back too! Just a little farther.

OH, random fact, — I have owl socks, I got them for Christmas from my family.

I want you to know whatever you are facing; you are never alone. I am praying. Jesus loves you more in a moment, than anyone could their entire life.

I love you!

Jesus loves you most!

❤ Christie ❤

Give God a little more time. He’s not rushing. –We are.

Random Fact, Jesus led my sister to make me a blanket and have it anointed. it is covered in pictures of the youth group children’s hands, photos from church, and it was anointed- I carry it everywhere. —One particular handprint is pictured below. – I hope you smile.

Isaiah 61:1-3 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;  To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do