For His Glory

Today’s date is Saturday, July 29th, 2023. It’s approximately 11:44PM, and I’m a mess.

At this moment I don’t even know how to express it, it’s all I can do to cry out to Jesus, and beg him to help, move, secure, lead the way, open doors, close doors and make a way.

The past week has left me speechless, hopeful, and tearful.

Faith, love, and hope has come in like a wrecking ball. I’ve been so strong, but to see Jesus move in an unexpected way, so unexpectedly, I’m left on cloud nine, but also rock bottom, my heart has sunk to the bottom of my chest, pumping with a flood of emotions, tears, and a million what ifs, when’s, where’s, and please Jesus sooner rather than later. There are butterflies, bumblebees, flutters and stings. The butterflies make me dance and the bees make me cry.

My promises are so close but yet so far away. I can see them lining up, but I want them now. But I can’t I have to wait on Jesus, so I cry.

Have you ever cared so much about something, but yet had to remain silent, knowing everything you said, could and possibly would be held against you? Jesus help me to breathe. I’m being patient down here, but I just need you to speed up the process a little bit. I’m growing tired, weak, weary, not knowing how you’re going to make a way, yet convincing myself and standing against all hell, saying you will make a way. Jesus, you know my heart. It hurts Lord, it hurts.

Why must I always feel like I’m split down the middle and in a thousand pieces. Yes, Lord, I know Danny deserves all of me, and I promise to do that (the best I can), but Lord, I just need a little help holding on. I thank you for showing me that doors are about to open, but I’m weak and weary, I worry that it’s going to be too late. Jesus help me to be still, when I’m all over the place.

I feel like I’m barely breathing, yet alive, being pushed to the brink of sanity, while screaming when God at the top of my lungs. I’m afraid to care, but yet some-how I do. I’m afraid to fall, yet somehow, I fell years ago. Somehow, somehow, somehow. —-

Lord, just help me breathe. — I feel like I’m coming undone.

Catch me I’m falling, drowning, fighting, swinging both arms with fist in the air, I promise I’m ok. The easiest way to express how I am feeling is to write it out.

The wait seems like it’s taking forever.

Jesus, I know you’re going to see me through it, you tell me you’re going to move soon, and I believe you. — Believing you is all I have left in me.

I’m just exhausted.

Inhale, exhale, I’m still alive, more alive than what I was three months ago. I felt your hands on my chest pump the life back into me as I was letting go. Just like the paramedics performing CPR on someone, you keep my heart pumping and persistently remind me I’m alive when I feel as though I am absent in mind yet present in body.

Thank you for not letting me let go, —

I’m praying for a miracle, while holding to the anchor of my soul.

Thank you, Jesus. I am forever grateful.

Lord, I love thee, I love thee more my Lord, I pray whoever is in a season of wait, that you give them the peace of knowing you’ve worked it out, and they just have to trust. You’re an on-time God, and you always keep your word. I pray Jesus, give me peace Lord, that surpasses all peace, yet I pray you grant me the desires of my heart, to be pleasing to you first, and then my heart’s desire second. –AMEN.

I love you,

Remember Jesus loves you most!

❤ Christie. R