For His Glory

My mind never stops.

Its ever going. I’m always on the go.

Either I am working, I’m doing homework, I’m running errands, or I’m just breathing. Sometimes, I look forward to sleep, because I just get to shut down, but then I worry sleep is taking away from my responsibilities. My body wants sleep so bad, and 5 hours isn’t enough when you are working 12’s and constantly remembering due dates for school.

Sometimes my bills are late. Thank goodness for autopay. My house is messy, thank goodness for Jesus.

I breath in, I breath out.

Yesterday, was hectic. Out of nowhere I had a panic attack at work. I had woken up with anticipation on me, that I should call in, but I couldn’t for personal reasons. All day my mind was in circles, often checking back at home to be reassured everyone was ok. I knew what I was feeling wasn’t Jesus, and I knew I had to push. I pressed harder and prayed more. I isolated to my car with the AC on high. A few deep breaths and urgent prayer request to my praying sisters later, I walked back in the building.

Panic Manic sucks. It’s awful. It’s almost like a plague that takes over, and you have absolutely no control over it. Sometimes the mind swims, as the inner person cries out like Jonah from the deep. Yesterday, I was Jonah. This morning I am me again, and I’m going to worship my Lord.

Trigger warning.

I have PTSD.

As a child I had gone through some things (refer back to my earlier blogs). While I do not set and think about my childhood, and I never took a panic attack when I was a child, as I got older around the age of 28, these panic attacks set in. They’re not bad and they’re not often and many things can trigger them. Mostly they are few and far in between. The closer I get to Jesus the farther they get from me. He’s my healer and my redeemer, and I know he’ll deliver me again from such attacks. This new set of attacks is random.

I’ve been going through the fire lately. I feel like the Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the three Hebrew boys, and I have my moments of feeling like Daniel.

My job has made me bonkers, I’ve even wanted to leave, but God is telling me to stay. I’m able to go to church every time the doors are opened, and they’re compassionate about my desire to be in God’s house. I could not ask for a better facility or group of administrators to work under. For whatever reason, I’m in the lion’s den, and I’m in the fire. I pray and I catch my breath, I cry, I panic, God moves. I catch my breath; I lose my breath. I cry some more, and then Jesus stills me.

In this fire, I’m learning. In this fire I’m able to reach closer for my lily of the valley. In this fire I’m able to cry out Jesus help me; and he comes closer than anyone and takes me to safety, even in my mind.

In the still of my mind, he holds me close. In the still of my mind, he is my anchor.

Things are better at home. Sometimes they’re rocky, sometimes they’re like a hurricane, but at all times Jesus stands with me.

My heart belongs to Jesus. I will not be shaken.

He tells me in his word “All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28.

 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

For whatever reasons, this buffering is for my good and for his glory. Though I do not feel good, and I don’t like the circumstances that have surrounded my life. It’s all worked out for his good.

I want you to find purpose for your pain, but in order to do so, you’re going to have to let Jesus show you, his purpose for your life. His purpose on your life will show you that you can overcome this pain, and you can live as close to normal as possible someday; you may like what I’m about to say, but you won’t live normal without him, and you will always be at a loss. You’re going to search and search and search for something to fill that hole in your heart, that’s not a human, animal, material filled hole, it’s a god size hole that only Jesus himself can fill. Just like when we are taken from our mother’s womb, we are left as children needing to depend on our mother / dad in some cases (not that any man can ever bare a child), but we are left with the need to depend on our parents. The same applies with Jesus. We are born, at first, we depend on our parents, but as we get older, we mature and begin to get wants in our lives. We begin to search for ways to fill voids, and we being to search for our purpose in life. Sometimes we feel like, we have found our purpose, only to be knocked off track, and then Jesus steps in and shows us his grander plans he has on our lives.

Do you think, I wanted to grow up in that broken home? Do you think I wanted to lose my dad? I say these two things because they are the two things that have always been out of my control, and no one can rebuttal and say otherwise.

As a child, (don’t applaud me, give credit to Jesus.) my mother always told me to say my prayers, I would talk to Jesus and ask him why God, and I know he heard me. As a young woman, I had to forgive the one who wrecked my childhood, it wasn’t my heart to hold the pain, and I didn’t want to hold onto that.

As a daddy’s girl, I had to lose the one person in my life that held my world together. I face a birthday tomorrow without him. Its birthday number 7. It’s been 7 years since I have heard him say happy birthday. It sucks. — But Jesus!

But Jesus I say, has a grander purpose for my pain. Some pain I’ll never tell, or maybe I will, if it’s his will. The first step is letting him in.

Now nothing felt good in that broken home. I wasn’t held as a child; I wasn’t believed, and I was made out to be a compulsive liar. I was made out to be someone I wasn’t.

And losing daddy, almost cost me my life.

Jesus, used that broken home to teach me early to forgive and love endlessly.

And Jesus used the death of my dad to draw me to him.

I don’t know what you are searching for, but I can tell you, I know your purpose is in him. He has showed me in his word. You are a mighty warrior; you are made to stand and not to fall. I know, I pray, and I pray, and I’ll continue to pray.

The great commission is to tell the world about Jesus and to continue in one mind and one accord with the breaking of bread, and fellowship. It’s time to join the great commission and tell the world about Jesus. It’s time to let him heal all the broken pieces and let him love you the way you are searching to be loved. Yes, you’re still going to have bad days, but with him those bad days will be even greater millstones in your walk with him.

You are an overcomer.

My eyes are on Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith.

And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love. Corinthians 13:13

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. 1Peter 4:8

The love that covers sins, is the love of Jesus. If we love like Jesus we will forgive, we will love without differentiation, we will love without judgement If we love like Jesus, we will lead the lost, a congregation of many to the King of Kings and Lord or Lords. But I warn you, to love like Jesus, it comes with the cost of everything, and since some of has already lost everything, why not throw in the towel at this world, and say “Jesus I am yours, forgive me, save me, and lead me.”

I got to get ready for church!

I love you all.

Remember Jesus loves you most.

Join me, and the rest of the apostles, disciples, witnesses, and God’s holy army, that He’s quickening from the dead and let’s tell the world about Jesus. Let’s testify of his goodness, and how through him we have overcome it all, and how he’s coming back for us.

We don’t have to endure much longer; we just have to run with Patience.

 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews12:1-2.

email me and reach to me if you need me.

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie

This morning was especially hard for me.

Standing outside, waiting for Eli’s school bus to pull up, tension set in, my throat tightened as my baby boy, expressed he was scared I was going to leave him. The mom in me consoled and hugged him tighter as I expressed to him, I would be right here waiting for him when he got home from school this evening.

(God gave Eli this nightmarish prophetic dream once before of me drowning in water, so I’m always on the lookout for such dreams and visions again. This dream was also confirmed by someone else, who also saw it. Needless to say, I’m very watchful of how I tread the ground with my Jesus. I say my Jesus because I have a personal relationship with him, just like my children are my children and we have a personal relationship together. Jesus is mine, and I hope he’s yours too.)

As, I stood there with Eli, I asked if he had a dream, or if saw something, only to realize this was an episode where he was being a child worrying about his mommy, and he didn’t want to lose mommy. My heart swelled within me, but also the daughter of a King in me roared, for I reconized this spirit. Satan, how dare you taunt my baby!!! Hands off, this one is mine, and you won’t so easily overpower this child of mine!

I continued to talk to Eli and tell him, “Eli, that’s the devil, he’s bothering you. You need to stop watching that stuff on YouTube, it is giving you nightmares, and that’s not of Jesus. Eli, we have work for Jesus to do. We are going to be ok. Eli, we work for Jesus, and it’s time to put the devil under our feet!”

Fear is a battle I know all too well, and for the devil to try and take it to my child at such an early age, who does that defeated foe take me for? Of course, I’m teaching him to rebuke, cast down and plead the blood of the lamb at an early age.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” –Proverbs 22:6

You see, our children are never too young to fight on the battlefield for Jesus. Our children are like little sponges, they take in everything, they absorb it all, good and bad. It’s up to us, as parents and caregivers living in this perverse generation, to teach our children about Jesus, and we are to teach them to stand for Jesus. We are to teach them early on, to wear the Armour of God and how to use it. The point of teaching them young is, we are teaching them when they’re the humblest, and we are teaching them while their decision making is based more so on what they know and what they have been taught. Makes perfect sense to teach them to always wear and use the Armour of God, while they’re also learning how to use necessary skills for everyday living.

As Eli got on the bus, he sat down and starred out the window at me, his heart was heavy and so was mine. Infact, this morning I walked away in tears.

To my prayer room I go.

Jesus take a walk inside my heart.

Jesus make me who you would have me to be. Take out everything that’s not of you, mold me and create me in your image. Lord, come into even the most hidden parts of my heart, including the parts that I don’t even know are there and create in me a clean heart. I want to be new in your eyes. I want to be a willing vessel for you. I want to sell out to you. I want you to be my all in all. I want you to lead me to set the captives free, I want you to move upon me, and part the waters as I cross this dreary sea. I want to be made your beautiful, heavenly creation. I want to be yours for you are mine. I want to live with abandon, in this world. I want to abandon all I have and or think about my own life and I want all my life and all I have to be what you say and direct it to be. I want my heart, and the words of my lips to be fruitful for you. I want to love my enemies. I want to love those that are unlovable. I simply want to tell people about you. I want to warn them that you are coming back soon. I want to tell them you love them, and you are knocking. But there are those that refuse to open up to you. Dear Jesus, I know you are only obligated to knock once, but yet you, countlessly knock many times at people’s hearts because you love them much. Lord Let them feel and know the magnitude of your love and mercy. Lord let them know that today is the acceptable day of salvation. Lord let them let you in. Make a way Lord. I plead their cause before you Jesus. Have mercy. I know you have to come, but I pray my Lord send me, anoint my mouth like you done Moses, for I will not filter. I’ll speak, I’ll say. I won’t hold back. I’ll stand. I’ll teach them to stand. I’ll die for you, you died for me.

Chasing after this world makes me tired praisin’ my own name leaves me dry there’s gotta be so much more to life than this, a higher calling that I missed
I want my life to count, every breath — I wanna live with abandon
Give You all that I am every part of my heart, Jesus I place in Your hands
I wanna live with abandon I’ll drop everything to follow You it’s only Your hands I hold onto I’m not looking back I’m done with that I Wanna give You all I have.-The Newsboys

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;  To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.–Isaiah 61:1-3

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me. –Isaiah 6:8

I pray this helped you some. I’m not sure who it is for. Once again, I have to go back and read it myself. All I had was a title in mine, and when I started writing, it’s like the Lord himself took over. I don’t even know what’s written.

I love you,

Jesus loves you most, and he wants you to sell out to him.

If you need me, email me.

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie

I know who you are, and I know your name. I am not scared!

I know who I am, and I know who is within me.

Darkness let’s dance!

You take my hand, and I’ll take yours!

You may think you’re taking the lead, but remember, I wasn’t transformed from Sinner to coward. God’s word says: Though the weapon may be formed it shall not prosper! Isaiah 54:17. And, God’s word also tells me I am more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus. Romans 8:37

Life has been good. I’ve started college, Eli is in school. God is on the move.

I’ve spent the past four to five years praying for salvation for my family along with a few other prayers.

I was given a warning in a dream. I saw a storm. I saw my husband, and I saw me. The storm was bad. I tried to run for cover. Danny was driving and coming through it. I was scared and tried to search for shelter in the building where I was at. Danny told me “It’s almost over.” The storm I saw didn’t look like it was over. But just as he had told me, it cleared out, just as I allowed him to go on by himself.

I woke up.

The same day, my storm began.

This storm is spiritual. This storm is ending. Danny is coming to Jesus. I saw it. I saw my storm end. I saw the storm I’ve been battling on and off for the past four to five years end.

All the other battles I have battled have prepared me for this one.

Back-to-back-to-back, I’m being hit. The past 3 days have been anything but cozy. Really the only thing cozy is Eli, Chloe, and Owley. Eli adores me, Chloe is my climber who sheds like a mad kitty, and Owley is my comfort in my madness. She loves on me when I’m down, a personal shadow cat, who poops in the floor when her litter box isn’t top notch. Great, I have a shedder and a pooper. Really Jesus? Laugh, and smile, it’s really funny and not so funny,

I want to scream, I have been crying, but guess what I am still standing!

I’m dancing with Darkness.

I’m being tried harder than ever.

Then I remember:

That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:7

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; to morrow go out against them: for the LORD will be with you. 2 Chronicles 20:17

So tonight, I lift my head up. I turn up my Jesus praise music, and I declare I’m going to see a victory, for the battle belongs to the Lord, and just like little David took down Goliath with the Lord, I’m taking down my Giants with my Lord! He has equipped me with his Spirit, and the living word of God.

I say, and I declare,” I stand. I am standing, and I’m going to stand.”

My life is not bad, my life is good.

I have my days, and I have my battles, but I refuse to be overcame by obstacles. I know who goes before me, after me, and who is all around me and that is Jesus.

One day I’ll be a Registered Nurse, maybe even a Nurse Practitioner. But each and every day I’m going to be on the front lines fighting for Jesus and being a fire breathing Child of God!

Jesus= 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Devil= 0

Me, when all this is over, I’ll be laying my crown down at his feet, and saying “Thank you, my Lord for never giving up on me.”

❤ Christie

If you need me email me.

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

I love you,

You are fearfully and wonderfully made!

&. Jesus loves you the Most!

“Jesus your name is power, its breath and living water, your spirit guides me to the heart of the father, let your paise ring louder, every day and every hour, cause your spirit guides me to the heart of father. God, we sing praise, we sing praise!” -Ryan Ellis

“For we walk by faith and not by sight”- 2 Corinthians 5:7

I’m not even really sure how to begin this blog, its heavy on my heart, so I’ll pray to my Jesus and ask him guide and deliver. —

Father God in the name of Jesus Christ, As I come before you, I come to you with a willing heart, and my hands placed upon my keys. I ask Jesus that you guide my heart, my mind, and my soul. I ask that you unlock a message meant for someone, even if the person is me. I ask that you fill my blog with your words, and your blessings. Almost like a mini-sermon, God please lead. -Amen.

Now Shall We?

Two months ago, when Jesus told me to leave my previous job and go back into CNA work, I initially said “NO!”; you see I’m a fighter, I fight with everyone, even Jesus, and Jesus always wins. I was in a place of comfort. I was working an 8am-5pm, Monday -Friday, off every weekend, and able to go to church and all church events, every time the doors were open. Living the dream. Scribing and working on a computer all day, right up my alley. Typing is my thing. I love, love, love it. But with complacency there also comes consequences. While being able to read my bible more, there was little growth. Those that I was witnessing too were hungry at first and then towards the end it seemed as though, my witnessing at this particular location was finished. The pressing came.

Jesus and I went round. – I refused for 2 weeks before finally caving in. I remember work getting so strenuous to where I threw my hands up, ran for college, and then said “Alright God, one application, one location, two things have to be a go, they must hire me on the spot, and first and foremost, I have to be able to attend church, no questions or options I have to be able to go to church. I am not willing to sacrifice being in your house!” I told you I was a fighter. And I literally, stomped my feet like a child who sticks out their tongue when they get mad.

I got the job on the spot and sure enough the weekends I do work, da da da da.. I am to come in after church. —- Jesus opened the door at the place he directed me too.

My heart knew this place all too well (but that’s not why I didn’t want to come here, I just didn’t want to go back into the CNA field, I thought Jesus was done with me in that area. I was wrong go figure, and kudos Jesus is always right).

Back to me knowing this place. My heart knows this venue. I knew it when I came for the interview, what was locked away in this place. I knew it when I said yes to the job, what was within these walls, and I knew that I’d walk upon that very ground (or would I?)

When I began work, I didn’t struggle. I just worked and kept going, knowing, just knowing I was going in and out of that particular room (or was I?).

Before I go farther, I want to state this.

I am working in the same facility that I said final goodbyes to my Precious Daddy.

I knew walking into this place that one of these rooms, held our last conversation, our last hug, our last I love you, our last I’ll see you tomorrow, our last father-daughter advice, our last kiss on the forehead, and our last memories. As for which room it was, I didn’t know right off hand, and I didn’t want to know either. I could not bring myself to looking at the photograph that had his name and room number on it.

Where God guides, God provides, I will not question, I’ll just go. —

After testifying to a co-worker and sharing the memory of my dad and how God used his death for his good, it came upon me to look up the room, again being reluctant, I pushed the thought out. —

Which room was it, what will I feel like when I go into this room? Will I cry? Will I talk to him? Will all the memories flood my mind and my vision? Will I see the last memory unfold like a story that’s happening now in the present? Will the awful call come the next morning that tells me you have died again? What will it be like?

Sunday, July 24th, 2022, — I get up. It’s my Sunday to work late. Church was canceled today due to bad storms and power outages. I spend time with Eli, I get ready for work, pack some lunch, and then go grab my photobook from under my bed. —- Flipping through the pages, my heart races faster and faster, the feeling of I almost don’t want to know comes over me again, it’s too late the book is in my hands. I flip and flip and flip, and then I see it.

A little brownish/red house room indicator, with room number in white, your roommate’s name in the first slot, and yours in the second slot.

Room #10. Bed 2.

Who is in this room now? How many times have I been in that spot? My mind pings back and forth like a crazy game of ping pong, only I’m in a game alone, and mentally smacking myself across the cheeks as I ponder this question.

Oh, wow! I think I know! Wait a minute. Is that even possible? — Of all the rooms.

I get to work, and I ask who is in room 10? Sure, enough I was right. I will not mention names due to HIPPA, but I will say that when a patient is in their right mind and fully continent, we really have no purpose for going into their room other than to deliver their meal tray, much less, go clear across the room to the other side by the window and just sit down for a few minutes.

Of all the rooms I have been in, this one particular room, I have not been in, other than stepping into the door. — What are the odds of that? — Coincidence? I think not! Nothing is coincidence.

Today, I took a long stare into the room. I glared from the outside of the door, looking across the 10 foot of space that separated my physical body, from the physical place of those last physical memories. — Looking towards the window, my throat tightened, and I walked to the next room.

I’m not ready. 😦

I’m not ready to tread those waters.

I’m not ready to walk where my angel once walked.

I’m not ready to stare straight at the empty bed, and look out that window and see it all play before my eyes…

I’m not ready to fully let go…

…..

Tonight, I looked up the stages of grief to try and figure out where I am in this process. All I know is I blocked it out. I blocked out Daddy’s death as though it never happened. I have dreams of meeting him in Florida, I wish he’d walk right back in the door. But for the most part, I just don’t allow myself to feel. If I feel it, I will release it, and I’d rather hold it, than to ever let it go.

My stage of grief is 7 years in, 7 years stronger than I was on day one, and 7 years waiting for heaven’s tomorrow. —- Its heaven’s tomorrow, when I’ll see him again.

‘But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.– 2 Peter 3:8-9

To my Dad. I loved you while you were here, I love you now that you’re gone. I’ll love you forever, I’ll keep holding on.

To Jesus- Thank you for my Dad. He was an angel sent directly to me, he was the daddy that he never had to be, Jesus make my heart like yours so I can love like he did, for I believe that he’s only gone away with you.

To the ones reading this: I don’t know what you’re going through maybe its grief too & maybe it doesn’t make sense because your loved one had to leave. I get it. My dad was only 55. No one knows the rhyme or reason loved ones have to go, and why tragedy strikes innocent victims, or why cancer hits, but one thing we do know, we have a father in heaven who loves us and who is close during such times.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light- Matthew 11:28-30

The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit- Psalm 34:18

Remember I love you! ❤

&. Jesus loves you most. ❤

Message me if you need me, christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie

❤ ❤ ❤

Waking up at 4 am when you’re sick, ugh! Sleep why have you left me? Oh yeah, I forgot, it was that 8pm bedtime yesterday. Two Tylenol, later, while waiting on 7am antibiotics, lets write.

This title was on me this morning. Jumping on YouTube to hear the beautiful Kelly Clarkson, —Memories of a Childhood, / past life representation flood my mind. Let me say this, I love Kelly Clarkson, and in my opinion she’s probably the most iconic American Idol there has been and next there is the lovely Carrie Underwood, (up for debate, yes, but I won’t argue, I’ll admit I don’t know any of the others, I’m not a TV person, unless you’re talking NEWS, SONIC the Hedgehog, and Super Mario, I’m pretty sure the last 2 are video games, so you get my point…) I love music, TV is too out there and consuming, and I get convictions, so I don’t watch it.

So how could a simple phrase like “Beautiful Disaster” apply to me, or you? I’ll tell you how. That’s how I feel at times, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

If people could only see the pain, I mask. If people could only see the mental head game of me battling Satan with every breath in me. I feel like I’m in one of those old school Kung Fu video games, you know the ones on Super Nintendo, where you can’t move backwards, or side to side, but only forward, and the ninja dudes are coming in all directions and all you have is a Katana, and you’re whipping that thing in all directions, slaying the enemy. round one complete, here comes round 2 there’s twice as many ninjas now, it’s never ending. In the video games as a child, I’d always get tired and stop playing but this war I’m in, I’ll never stop fighting, though I be tired and weak, I will not stop fighting.

Who am I fighting for? Myself, my family, my best friend and her family, YOU! and everyone else who’s path I’ll cross or that my blogs will cross paths with.

You see I walk with Jesus. He’s my armor, he’s my shield, he’s my anchor in these storms. I sway, I go back and forth, I beg God, please just let me catch my breath, (and he does) but its right back to the battlefield. I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a seashore, with my fist held up, screaming at the storm and raging waves telling them to take me if they can. While they roar, my spirit roars even stronger.

I know my maker. His name is Jesus. And he tells me in his word:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man, God is faithful, and he will not allow you to be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

A new commandment that I give unto you, “That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. ~ John 13: 34-35

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. ~ Ecclesiastes 12:13

While studying God’s word during my lunch break yesterday, (yes, I’ve had to work while sick, fast forward). I came across John 13:34-35, and I’m sure I’ve read these verses before but this time they stood out to me differently and I began to think upon them for a few minutes, pondering the meaning “to love like Jesus“. How exactly did Jesus love us, how exactly does Jesus love us now?

Jesus Died for us, while we were yet sinners, he gave his life for us, as a ransom, to pay for all of our sins, because he knew that was a debt that we could never pay. He was human, he lived it, and he knew what it was like to suffer as a mortal being. He understood all the temptation, the indulgence, the ungratefulness that we would possess in our hearts at times, and the anger that rages within us, and let us not forget our lashing out. He knew that we are just physically uncapable of holding back because the pain is so bad at times, he knew because he experienced it and he was the only one who remained spotless and sinless, while experiencing life as we / he knew it. You don’t believe me? His word tells me he was tempted and remained sinless, and he’s able to give assistance or aid during such hardships.

 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.~ Hebrews 4:15

 For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted ~ Hebrews 2:12

Continuing on, while meditating upon the way that Jesus loves us, he gave us an example to follow when he washed out feet. Feet symbolize the dirtiest part of man, the hidden part, the hidden sin that lays deep within our hearts. The washing of the feet symbolizes cleansing of that dirty part, the part that has to be cleansed before we can have a part with Jesus. Jesus humbled himself and got on our level and washed feet as a servant. How many of us do that nowadays? I don’t. Not always. I’m so caught up, not selfish, but I’m so busy that it’s hard for me to stretch much farther than my inner circle, much less the outer circle. The part about being a disciple, we are to reach not only the inner circle, but also the outer circle, you know that big smelly fish that lays on the bottom of the oceans pit, the unsavable, even those are savable, by reaching out to them. We may see them as dirty and hard to get to, but Jesus sees them as beautiful and worthy, and chances are you and I both were a big smelly fish at some point, at least in someone else eye (even if they won’t admit to it).

Jesus Healed us. How do we heal people? Again, we reach out and let them know they are not alone. We let them know they are loved by the master, and by us, we give them an ear to listen, we give them sound advice, with gentle words, softly speaking the words of our savior to them. We can tell people who we are without beating them with a bible, and I assure you, you won’t get many people to come to Jesus if you’re busy judging them, when you yourself aren’t so flawless. Boy let me tell you, you want flaws, I can give you hundreds, but my Jesus, he’s not a flaw, through him I’m an overcomer, and I’m flawless under the blood and in spirit, but in my flesh, shew.. yeah. I am my own worst critic, drumroll here…

How else did Jesus love us? He left us direction, – he shows us how to follow him in his word. I know his word, his word, his word, I keep saying it, but we need it. I don’t read like I should but when he tosses me a nugget, I’m telling you it’s the best ever, and like with my nuggets, the more you or I read the more nuggets we’ll get. He tells us how we should walk, and talk, he tells us about modesty, He tells us about a life that not only transforms us, but that will also transform the lives of others when we live it in front of them.

Jesus listens, he corrects, and he gentle. Just like when we correct our children, sometimes he’ll correct us. Believe me chastisement from our Lord is for our well-being, it’s there when we get out of line. It doesn’t always feel good, and unlike us or our own children, we can’t turn around so easily with our tongue stuck out and our fingers to our ears saying do it again, it didn’t hurt.

For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receives. Hebrews 12:6

I’m almost finished, I promise, but how else does Jesus show us that he loves us? By showing us how to act in the face of our enemies. He’s humble.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. Isaiah 53:7

Again, we are human, and I know it’s easy to lose our cool, especially when people are rude to our face, to our kids, family or friends, or when we watch an innocent person fall victim to someone else uncalled for arrogance. But what about the simple fact that we to wake up on the wrong side of the bed at times, are just grumpy in ourselves, and our families, friends, loved ones, or simple strangers get the butt end of our attitude? It happens. What do you do? It’s simple, you ask Jesus for forgiveness, and ask him to help you, sometimes I need this daily, I love everyone but grrr…

Now back to the beautiful disaster part, and how does that play into all this? I’ll tell you. We are the Lords Beautiful Disaster. We are his masterpiece. We are made in his very image. This world is going to knock us down, beat us up, leave us feeling less than human, but remember Jesus overcame the world and so can we and will we!

Our brokenness is for his glory, he wants to glue us back together the way we were originally meant to be, and it’s the world that broke us not Jesus. Just like he freely died for us, we have free will to follow after him. The world will always break us as some point, even if you’re self-made, you’ll break, we were born with a God size whole in our hearts that only Jesus himself can fill.

Last night I had a dream, well 2 of them actually, one of them I was in a race, and I was going so fast, that my racecar came unplugged, and it started a fire. The other one, I remember lounging in front of a someone who was doing an interview on me, I remember telling this person I was stripped me of everything but my dignity, and then I began to flip through a magazine and my most favorite flower was in there, it was lilies, all sorts of colors and types, even the calla lily that looks like a blub, able to catch all of heavens tears as they fall from the sky. Then I remember my best friend being there, and me saying I prayed for years for her, and then God gave her to me, and that it was all a part of his plan. Then I remember the person doing the interview timed me out because the interview was over. Then I woke up.

Let me tell you this. When I write my blogs, my goal is to tell you about Jesus, and his mercy and grace, and how he can transform your life if you just let him. It’s to let you know that life happens and the unexplained happens to everyone. I know it’s not always in the same context as others, but we have Jesus who’s always there for us, holding us, and its ok if you don’t want to be held, he’s right there, waiting for you.

My blogs are designed to let you know you are not alone, and that I am always here for you, even if I am slow to respond. As a recovered addict, who’s lost it all, but gained my reason for breathing and pressing on, I know this life isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Simply because, well “JESUS”

I just want to make it home to him someday, and I want to lead as many people to him as I can. We are begotten and kept by his word. And if we don’t get it in us, we will believe anything. you think life is crazy now, just wait, it will get worse.

❤ I love you all, remember Jesus loves you most!

Email me and reach out to me! I am eagered to hear from people.

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

Just for giggles, I bought a small motion sensor owl at family dollar yesterday for $1. I placed it on top of Danny’s Coffee Pot, now every time we walk past it, it goes “Hoo, Hoo” I absolutely love it.!, and so far he’s not moved it or turned it off, and Chloe hasn’t destroyed it either.

❤ Christie

Today, I’m scattered.

Is it God’s fault?

NO! God is good all the time, regardless of any situation, or event.

He never promised us days without pain, but rather Jesus told us, in this life we would have tribulation, and he insured us that we would over come it, why, and how, because he himself overcame it and we are to over come it with him.

What if we are blaming him, and what if circumstances make us not want to cling to him?

What if we are blaming ourselves and others?

Its normal, to blame people when things go wrong.

But to cling to the unchanging hand of the Jesus is exactly what the enemy doesn’t want us to do.

Many circumstances and situations can evoke feelings of animosity, confusion, anger, rage, and questioning. We are human, in our human form and in this life, we so often ask “WHY?”

Truth is there often, isn’t any why, even if you can go back to point / ground zero, there often is no set or specific reason why things had to have happened and why they happened. Many events can cause certain circumstances to happen, by why those events unfolded the way that they did, who knows..

Gods word says it rains on the just and on the unjust, meaning good things happen to bad people, and good things happen to good people, and vise versa, bad things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people.

Matthew 5:43-45

⁴³ Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. ⁴⁴ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; ⁴⁵ That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

Ecclesiastes 9:2

“All things come alike to all: there is one event to the righteous, and to the wicked; to the good and to the clean, and to the unclean; to him that sacrificeth, and to him that sacrificeth not: as is the good, so is the sinner; and he that sweareth, as he that feareth an oath.

As individuals and whole’s, we have to hold on. We just have to hold on until this storm passes by. WE have to hold on until that temporary completeness comes. And I say temporary, because in this life nothing is permanent except love, and that love is in Christ. I can say I love you and mean it, but to love you like Jesus, is a how I want to love you all, with that forgiving heart, and that compassion. Even as a child of God I struggle with forgiveness. I can forgive, but the memory is still there, and it hurts. To forgive like Christ is to forget like he does when he cast our sins into the sea of forgetfulness, never to be brought up again. I myself am not superhuman and I don’t have that ability, because even if I do forgive, in this human state of mind, I’ll remember, I’ll remember even if I don’t bring it up to you again.

I hurt a lot anymore, and I question why so much. In my flesh dwelleth no good thing. And I’m learning Godliness with contentment is great gain, only I’m not content, I’m making myself to be content every day, and learning daily to make my flesh be content even if it is all over the place.

I’m facing a major surgery in the future, one I didn’t want to have. I trust God but I also question God Why!.

Circumstances surrounding my life have me questioning why and when God. But I’m still trusting and I’m still praying.

Life is good, Life is loud, life is miserable, life is great, life is contentment, life is life, and life is scattered.

I love you all, & Jesus loves you Most!

❤ Christie

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine, and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse; but thou has kept the good wine until now– St. John 2:10

Today, while sitting in my car during lunch, I read across this verse in the bible. Located in the New Testament, within the first few verses in the 2nd chapter of John, (1 of the 4 Gospels, that tells of the life of Christ).. I began to ponder and think on the meaning..

Then it clicked.

In this world, we are often over-taken and self absorbed into the care of this life. We allow almost anything and everything to over take us. New experiences, New clothes, new cars, new careers, new adventures, chores, etc. We become so in tuned to our life, and the cares, and joys around us that the “boring or bad” stuff doesn’t seem to phase us when it comes our way. In fact, we usually don’t even notice the difference in such, (unless, it’s traumatic or catastrophic, that’s different, and doesn’t go with my explanation). Like with the bad wine being brought out at the end when everyone is drunk, the little differences, or mundane things go unnoticed, because the joys and drunkenness of life have us consumed by the time they come..

The governor of the feast, noticed the taste of the good wine, even though the men were drunk. That Good wine had a different taste, it had a pure taste, a taste so delicate that it stood out no matter how drunken and consumed the wedding guest was.

You see, that’s how it is with Jesus too, and the Holy Ghost, and Salvation. It’s different. Its pure, its delightful, and it stands out. Even if you think you have had all that you can have, you can always consume more, and the taste is always refreshing.

How sweet are thy words unto my taste! yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth! -Psalm 119:103

 O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. Psalm 34:8

No matter how consumed we are with this world, when we begin to taste the anointed word of God, we can tell the difference. Its taste is distinguished among the rest. – That anointed word of God has power, and its punch is undeniable, you’ll either attempt to run from it, or you’ll towards it, or both, you may run from and the run back to it. — Either way, like the good wine, at the wedding, you’ll know it apart from the rest. And you’ll be forever changed by it, and in most cases, always left wanting it.

I’m not sure who this was mean for, maybe just for me, but I felt compelled to share it.

I love you all, & Jesus loves you Most!

❤ Christie

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

I’m suffocating. There, I said it, point blank, I’m suffocating.

Day after day, this war rages on, and I’m still here. Mentally, I’m out of it, physically I’m still standing, spiritually, I’m crying out to God.

My world consists of me living in a glass box that’s only big enough for me. This glass box is floating on the ocean, near ridged ocean cliffs. The ocean is my tears. The depth of this ocean is bottomless. I went running off this cliff years ago chasing a big fish, and well I’ve finally caught him, only it’s a constant tug-o-war. You know the kind if tug-o-war that takes place when you go fishing, and you have this really big catch of a lifetime. The biggest fish ever, think dreams, people, loved ones, and or salvation for someone you’ve been praying for (at least in my case anways)..

And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. Matthew 4:19

I’ve been praying for this fish for years, standing, falling to my knees, crying out, beating on the floor, begging and pleading with the Lord, just save him. Finally, somewhere along the line I decided to go off the deep end and I just jumped and said ” I know you made me a promise and I know you’re going to do it, I laid it all down, and went head long I took the leap of a lifetime when I jumped off that cliff about a 2 months ago, (a mental, emotional, and spiritual cliff) I’m all in. Somewhere along the line the fish got on the line, I’m not sure when, but just like a big ole fish, once its snagged and it feels that hook, it starts to fight. —- Welcome to my world.

This fish is fighting me. I have it on the line. I didn’t place it there, Jesus did. It’s all a part of his plan. The glass box that’s around me is the Lord’s protection and his presence. I can’t always feel his protection, or his presence, especially when this fish is pulling and tugging and creating waves so high that they began to come into my box and drown me alive, funny thing, just when I think I’m going under Jesus clears the box long enough for me breathe and catch a break, short lived only a day or so, I get a little wiggle space and I start to reel again, oh its getting closer and closer, then it feels the tug again and its back out plugging into the deep and once again I’m in the fight of my life.

I may be beat down spiritually, and mentally but one thing is certain, I’m coming out of this victorious. I may only be talking to the Justice Family, but I’m coming out of this a warrior and stronger. Emotionally, this fish has forever scarred me. I have cuts so deep and wounds there that I wouldn’t dare let anyone near, they’re too deep to let anyone fall into, People will only scratch the surface of the real me.

My blogs tell most, but as for getting close to me on a personal level. I’m to damaged, to let anyone deeper than my blogs. I’d never put someone else through that. Jesus just whispered “I will heal”—- Right now all I want is for him to use his hands to reach down and dip up this big fish for me. It’s much too strong and I’m growing weak.

As I began to type this earlier, there was a song that played, “child your cries have awakened the master”……I’ve awoken him, but when will he move? I personally can’t tell you that, but I will tell you, I know my master well enough to know what he said he would do, he’ll do. so, I’m standing.

Just like Paul and Silas when they were bound in jail and when they were in stocks and bonds, they cried out to Jesus and sang songs of praise. I may not be physically beaten, but this big fish has done all but take my life from me, and I won’t lie to you, there’s been times where I’ve cried out to God to take it from me. I don’t do that anymore, nor will I ever do it again, (please don’t think I’m suicidal, I’m not, we all go through lows, where we wish we could just go home, and if you’re perfect and never have had that happen, I applaud you, go you, two thumbs up for your perfect life, ).. anyways, I will tell you this, I know who and what I’m fighting with, and its not flesh and blood. But Greater is he who is in me that he who is in the world, and we are more than conquers though Christ Jesus. —

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.–Ephesians 6:12

The devil can knock me to my knees, he can take everything I have, but he’ll never take my Jesus! And he’ll never pluck me out of his hands! I may not be a social butterfly like I used to be but I’m still here. I’m still breathing, I’m still loving, and I’m still fighting for the Army of Jesus!

On a smiley note: My precious Chloe is in heat! She’s driving me bananas! No BOYS ALLOWED! I’ll soon be adding to Chloe, I’ve got the perfect named picked out, I’ll do a name reveal, later, a beautiful Siamese / Persian mixed kitten I’m super excited, — Cat Mom’s rock! — My real kids are still cool too!

Remember I love you all, but Jesus loves you Most!

Email me!—

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie

Some days I’m lost, some days I’m stuck, other days, I’m just left spinning. Everday I’m on the Potter’s Wheel.

Jesus is my potter and I’m his clay. His hands are ever upon me, and I’m ever placed within his hands. He made me a promise that he’d never leave me, nor would he forsake me, and he’s not a man that he can or could lie. His word tells me this.

The word of the Lord is my delight, and my shepherd is my husband. I seek to honor and to please him. My confession is I don’t always read his word like I should, but I do pray. I pray and I praise him. He is my portion forever.

I’ve gone into a state of isolation again. This state of isolation is different and deeper than the last. My first state of isolation was from pain of loss. My second state of isolation is also from pain, but the pain is different. My second isolation pains are from distrust. I trust NO ONE. Respect is given, trust is something that you have to earn from me. — I don’t mean to be this way, but I hurt, and I love, and I am breathing again, and I am feeling everything and everyone again, and I’m still getting hurt from everyone, and it’s ok, but it’s also making me tighten my small circle of people, making them even smaller.

I am virtually non-existent in the social media word. I have IM, but I only use it to talk to 4-5 people, all are of the same gender. I want to be who God has called me to be, and these sisters lift me up and lead me deeper into the presence of God. When I’m all cried out and praying God please take me, they remind me I have a purpose and the battle isn’t mine it’s the Lords. They remind me that God’s does not slack concerning his promises, but it’s all on God timing and not mine.

Jesus is shaping me into his image, I’m his vessel.

All the fear—GONE!

All the doubt–GONE!

All my heart–HIS!

I know God’s moving, and I know he’s moving soon. I know God’s going to come though, if you could see thing’s from God’s perspective and with God’s purpose in mind, you’d understand why I am fanatical about Jesus, and about allowing him to move.

My prayer for you is for you to seek him, hold to him, watch him move, he’s moving, and he is moving in his children’s favor. Remember it rains on the just and the unjust man. Life isn’t always fair, and I cannot tell you why bad things happen to good people. I cannot tell you why you have to face the obstacles that you have had to face or that you will have to face, but I can tell you and will tell you that with Jesus, you’ll get by, even if it’s in the stillness. Sometimes he doesn’t calm the storm, but he strengthens us as we go through the storm.

My storms haven’t stopped. But he’s making me stronger, and purer in his eyes. He’s making me faithful. My confession is I battle being faithful to everyone. I don’t want to be like that, and I refuse to be like that. That ended. I’m faithful to Jesus, and I’m standing on him. I’d rather stand on him than to fall for a bunch of lies. When I can’t breathe because the inner pain is too much, and my void of understanding has surpassed my capacity to comprehend, I cry, I cry to him. I don’t understand why things are taking so long, but I know he’s got a purpose. &.. I’m waiting, and I’ll wait a lifetime for his promises. I see them in the distance, and I hear him whisper, they’re coming soon, be faithful my servant.

This wheel has me dizzy. The impurities within me are much, but with much purging and forging Jesus is having his way, and I praise him. I praise him for the pain. Faithful starts with being faithful to Jesus. When someone loves Jesus more than they love anyone or anything, then they’ll love you correct, and you’ll learn to love Jesus because of them.

I’m so dizzy that I cannot think, and at times I think constantly. I just want to make Jesus happy.

reach out to me via email if you need me.

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

Remember I love you all, but Jesus loves you most!

Trust Jesus, the process may hurt a little, but I promise you it’s worth it!

❤ Christie

Starring out into the calm sea of life, I see the stillness ahead, and the storm behind me. I feel the waves becoming more and more calm, and the steadiness of the wind guiding my sails into the calm pink, orange sunset.

Life has been a rollercoaster over the past couple of years, and at times, it’s been a chaotic hurricane stuck in the middle of an ocean.

Lately, I’ve had this image that keeps coming to my mind of me being on a ship, staring out into the sunset, with sky’s colored pink, orange and blue, as the sun sets beneath the ocean. While the dusk has been settling, so has the storm.

I’ve been the passenger on my ship for some time now. At times I’ve been playing captain, and I’ve been the one using the oars to fight against the waves. Its only when I decided to take my hands off the oars, and lay down role as captain, that my ship began to sail in the right direction.

When doing things in myself, I failed every time. After turning over all control of my ship to the captain and keeper of my heart, the waves are getting less and less. You see, the ship that I am on is the old ship of Zion, and the captain and my keeper is Christ. I’m on board this ship of life with Christ, he is my life, and my shelter from all of the waves and storms of this life.

The past few weeks / months have been crazy. At times these past few months have almost been cataclysmic, with everything in life colliding and smashing, control is something that was missing. There was a point where I just gave up, and I gave in. I stopped fighting and I started trusting, when the waves got taller, I’d ask for more prayer. Seeing the signs all around me everything from bible verses in the presidents Easter speech, to hidden words and insect and animals that just pop out, I saw them and see them all. With every sign I praise God, with every symbol I praise God, with every ounce of faith, love and hope, I praise God.

I am still not where I want to be in life, but I am praying to do and be what Jesus wants me to be. Right now, he has got me a stand still.

I’m standing and watching him move in my life, and in the stillness, I see him moving. I still don’t talk to anyone, it’s not personal, I want Jesus to guide my every conversation, and I know he knows my every motive behind everything that I do, even my writings. I do not want or desire to be one of these people who only honors Jesus with their mouths, and my heart be far from him. I’m careful and I do not want to go against his will. I know as long as I am faithful that he will do exactly what he’s told me he would do.

Easter was sweet, my husband attended church with me, and he got prayer. Even when I don’t feel God moving, he continues to show me he’s moving.

I only want to be what Jesus would have me to be in life, and right now that’s to be faithful, to him, his word, my husband, my kids, my church, my church family, and then everyone else. — I know as long as I follow him, and allow him to lead, he’s going to put all the pieces together in his perfect time, and according to his perfect will.

 Jeremiah 29:11-For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

As for my body weight, I’ve not lost any of that, but there’s a mental and spiritual weight that I’ve been losing a little more of each day. Fear is slowly leaving me, each day I can breathe a little easier, knowing Jesus don’t expect me to be perfect, he just expects me to follow and to love him.

“Fear, you don’t own me
There ain’t no room in this story
And I ain’t got time for you
Telling me what I’m not
Like you know me well guess what?
I know who I am
I know I’m strong
And I am free
Got my own identity
So fear, you will never be welcome here”-Fancesca Battistelli

I love you all,

&. Jesus loves you most, if you haven’t talked to him today, just say hello to him, he desires to hear from you!

email me at christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie