For His Glory

I’m suffocating. There, I said it, point blank, I’m suffocating.

Day after day, this war rages on, and I’m still here. Mentally, I’m out of it, physically I’m still standing, spiritually, I’m crying out to God.

My world consists of me living in a glass box that’s only big enough for me. This glass box is floating on the ocean, near ridged ocean cliffs. The ocean is my tears. The depth of this ocean is bottomless. I went running off this cliff years ago chasing a big fish, and well I’ve finally caught him, only it’s a constant tug-o-war. You know the kind if tug-o-war that takes place when you go fishing, and you have this really big catch of a lifetime. The biggest fish ever, think dreams, people, loved ones, and or salvation for someone you’ve been praying for (at least in my case anways)..

And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. Matthew 4:19

I’ve been praying for this fish for years, standing, falling to my knees, crying out, beating on the floor, begging and pleading with the Lord, just save him. Finally, somewhere along the line I decided to go off the deep end and I just jumped and said ” I know you made me a promise and I know you’re going to do it, I laid it all down, and went head long I took the leap of a lifetime when I jumped off that cliff about a 2 months ago, (a mental, emotional, and spiritual cliff) I’m all in. Somewhere along the line the fish got on the line, I’m not sure when, but just like a big ole fish, once its snagged and it feels that hook, it starts to fight. —- Welcome to my world.

This fish is fighting me. I have it on the line. I didn’t place it there, Jesus did. It’s all a part of his plan. The glass box that’s around me is the Lord’s protection and his presence. I can’t always feel his protection, or his presence, especially when this fish is pulling and tugging and creating waves so high that they began to come into my box and drown me alive, funny thing, just when I think I’m going under Jesus clears the box long enough for me breathe and catch a break, short lived only a day or so, I get a little wiggle space and I start to reel again, oh its getting closer and closer, then it feels the tug again and its back out plugging into the deep and once again I’m in the fight of my life.

I may be beat down spiritually, and mentally but one thing is certain, I’m coming out of this victorious. I may only be talking to the Justice Family, but I’m coming out of this a warrior and stronger. Emotionally, this fish has forever scarred me. I have cuts so deep and wounds there that I wouldn’t dare let anyone near, they’re too deep to let anyone fall into, People will only scratch the surface of the real me.

My blogs tell most, but as for getting close to me on a personal level. I’m to damaged, to let anyone deeper than my blogs. I’d never put someone else through that. Jesus just whispered “I will heal”—- Right now all I want is for him to use his hands to reach down and dip up this big fish for me. It’s much too strong and I’m growing weak.

As I began to type this earlier, there was a song that played, “child your cries have awakened the master”……I’ve awoken him, but when will he move? I personally can’t tell you that, but I will tell you, I know my master well enough to know what he said he would do, he’ll do. so, I’m standing.

Just like Paul and Silas when they were bound in jail and when they were in stocks and bonds, they cried out to Jesus and sang songs of praise. I may not be physically beaten, but this big fish has done all but take my life from me, and I won’t lie to you, there’s been times where I’ve cried out to God to take it from me. I don’t do that anymore, nor will I ever do it again, (please don’t think I’m suicidal, I’m not, we all go through lows, where we wish we could just go home, and if you’re perfect and never have had that happen, I applaud you, go you, two thumbs up for your perfect life, ).. anyways, I will tell you this, I know who and what I’m fighting with, and its not flesh and blood. But Greater is he who is in me that he who is in the world, and we are more than conquers though Christ Jesus. —

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.–Ephesians 6:12

The devil can knock me to my knees, he can take everything I have, but he’ll never take my Jesus! And he’ll never pluck me out of his hands! I may not be a social butterfly like I used to be but I’m still here. I’m still breathing, I’m still loving, and I’m still fighting for the Army of Jesus!

On a smiley note: My precious Chloe is in heat! She’s driving me bananas! No BOYS ALLOWED! I’ll soon be adding to Chloe, I’ve got the perfect named picked out, I’ll do a name reveal, later, a beautiful Siamese / Persian mixed kitten I’m super excited, — Cat Mom’s rock! — My real kids are still cool too!

Remember I love you all, but Jesus loves you Most!

Email me!—

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie