For His Glory

Round two!

Rodeo!

Deep breath!

Let’s go!

For starters, where do I begin? I’m not sure exactly how long it’s been since I have written, but the title of this one I have known since 6/11/23.

Before beginning, I’m going to pray! Not just out loud, in mind, but also written in blog. It’s something I feel led to do. — I’d rather go with the approach and direction of Jesus, than to try and do anything on my own. – Of myself I can do nothing, but with him I can do all things! (Philippians 4:13 reference)

Dear Father God in the name of The Lord Jesus Christ,

Father as I come before you, I pray almighty God for forgiveness of sins. I pray God that you would lighten my eyes to who you are, and how you are moving in my life, even when I can’t see the whole picture yet to be completed, let me see you work in the little things. Open my spiritual eyes to discernment, and my heart to you, your word and your spirit. Jesus take the lead in my life. Everything that I have is because of you, and everything that I am is because of you. My past, my future, my present, you know it all, and you see it all. Despite all my failures, setbacks, flaws, you still love me, and you relentlessly pursue me, even when I try to run, you run faster to my heart, shielding it from the unknown, and shielding it from hell. God, I pray use me more, I pray you use me boldly, and I pray you use me to build up your kingdom. I pray Jesus that you remove those that don’t need to be in my life, and those that do need to be in my life, I pray you open the door so they can walk thought. I know your timing is not my timing, so please my Lord, help me to be patient, while I wait, and help me to know that even though the whole puzzle isn’t together, you are a promise keeper, you cannot lie. Everything you said you would do, you are still going to do it, and everything you said you would fulfill, you are working to do so. You are not slack doing it. Blessed are those who believe and have not saw (John 20:29), help us to realize God, that all things work together for the good of those who are called according to your purpose (Romans 8:28); even the bad unexplainable, that too works for your glory. God save us from our sins and set us on that straight and narrow path. In Jesus name I pray. AMEN.

Now, here goes.

For those of you that follow my blogs, you know my story. I’m a recovered addict, who has been set free from the chains of addiction for almost seven years. I’ve suffered a lot over the years, but looking back through spiritual eyes, I see God’s hands all over it, even on the bad stuff, that isn’t God’s fault. (I know what you’re thinking, God can prevent things from happening) listen, not everything is God’s fault; but he will get the glory if you allow him to, he’ll take the bad and turn it for good. — Back to my story. God is good even if times aren’t.

Since recovering, Jesus has led me back to school, first was to be a CNA, (completion date 10/2021) and this time it’s to become a registered nurse. – I finished my first two semesters of general education courses with 3.5 or better: praise Jesus.

Onward.

As semester two came to an end, I knew I still had to push to get into the nursing program. I’m on a time limit, one can only take so many pre-requisites, and I’ve completed them all with the exception of micro-medical & that’s optional in or out of the nursing program, I plan to tackle it next semester: beginning this fall. —

Marching farther.

In order to get into the nursing program, I also have to take the ACT, and TEAS exam. I knew I needed to take at least one of these exams during my summer break, and the other one during my upcoming semester; I’m pushing to be in the nursing program in the Spring of 2024; and graduating in the fall/winter 2025.

With time winding up, I prayed, and talked to Jesus, and within my spirit, and I felt led tackle the ACT! – Continuing on towards my goal, I prayed and prayed and prayed, and reached out to find dates the exam would be given. I asked the Lord to make a way, and I prayed God, please just work it out, you are leading me into nursing Jesus, you know I need this. I can’t do it without you, God, I need you. The date and the venue were given, 6/11/23 @ JCHS. –Jesus, now I need you to prepare me. I’m not asking for a huge score, just enough to get into the nursing program. I can’t do it without you, but I trust i will do it with you.

6/11/23@8AM

I walk into the venue, drain my nervous kidneys, take a deep breath, and enter the classroom.

The class was small, actually only five people were scheduled that day, and we were all given assigned seats. Think high school, and kids being spaced out to prevent cheating.

As soon as I started towards my seat, I saw it! – Like a thud to my heart to jump start my pulse, screaming yooo hooo, look at me. I had to get a second glance.

I was sure of what I saw, but in my mind, I was like… Jesus, I need to see that again!

I asked to step out for a second prior to the test starting just to take a double look, but I know what I saw; I just wanted to see it again.

The name on the first chair was CHLOE—–

I’m not making this up.

Jesus showed up, and he showed me he was there in a language that only I would understand, with a sign that gave me peace.

I continued to pray through the exam; it was lengthy and extremely hard. During the exam, I could hear him telling me, go with this one, just trust me. I filled in every bubble, and left there knowing, I’m either going to pass it or this will prepare me to pass it next time.

That sign though, it was heaven sent. —

Inhale, exhale.

About a week later, I got the multiple choice back, and I passed with an 18. While I’ll never make it to space, I’m certain one day, I’ll be a nurse, working for Jesus.

Fast forward

While I face my future, knowing Jesus has big plans for me, I’m also facing another valley, I’m going head long into it, at a speed that can’t be stopped. On 6/30/23; I’ll be having surgery on my left ear, the tympanic membrane.

I’ve cried and cried and cried, I’ve been scared, and afraid. I’ve wondered why God, I don’t understand. Why I do I have to face this, while in reality, I hurt. There’s a mass that has to come out. I’ve witnessed Jesus take this mass from a cholesteatoma which was behind the ear drum, to a cyst that’s in the middle ear canal- But still, I have to undergo the surgery. I’m sure he is healing me, but this doesn’t feel good. I’ve wondered about every aspect, from the IV, to the droopy gas meds they give you prior to sedation, and the over the face mask of gas. I’ve wondered about recovery, and will they give me too much pain meds, I’ve considered telling the anesthesiologist not to give me any fuddy duddy drugs unless I ask for them. I’ve went around every scenario that is possible, even the part where I do not make it out. — Sounds crazy right? Maybe it is, but mentally I’m being shaken, while spiritually I’m being strengthened.

On the way to church this past Sunday, I was praying and talking to Jesus, and telling him, I just don’t get it, I don’t want to be afraid, but I can’t help it, that’s when I saw it. I saw a warrior, she was in the air, with a raised sword in her right hand and a shield in her left, there were flames of red, and amber all around her, underneath her was a solid rock, and in front of her a mighty dark blackish / maroon dragon, — This warrior, she is me, and that dragon is fear, and all of satans army. You see, he came knocking at me with everything the flesh could feel, steal, and take, but my Jesus, he came in and raised the bar. He has called me his, and I only answer to what he says to do, and I only want to do what he has called me to do, including slay this dragon, to my nemesis, you came to me with dagger of heart ache, fleshly emotions, adultery, fear, death, and suffocation in your hand, and I, I tell you I come to you in the name of the LORD.

6/30/23 is the day my Giant will fall- Fear you don’t own me, it’s time for you to go back to HELL. — HEAR ME ROAR. I refuse to be scared anymore!!!! God is not done with me; this is only the beginning.

Jesus, I pray for a double portion of Elijahs anointing. I’ve been beat down and battered to long, God raise me up to be your warrior, fierce, bold, gentle, loving and dedicated to the walk you have called me into. I raise your name up, I could care less if they know who I am, I just want them to know you. I want them to know what an awesome God you are, and how close you are to them, even when they pretend to not hear your voice, even when they act like you aren’t there in the midst of them, when they ignore the nudges you place within them like a child nudging at its daddy, you nudge them. God raise them up, raise them up Lord, lead them to be strong and mighty, like you have called them to be. Help them father to be mended of the pain you did not inflict, help them Father to give their heart back to you. God show them your love and show them your mercy. Jesus be near to them, as they walk that last mile out of the valley, they have been lost in for so many years. Help them to cry out all the tears, each time the band aid is ripped off, help them to seek comfort in you like Lazarus on your bosom. Jesus you are near, you are near. God, I praise you. –Lift me up, lift me up Lord. Lift them up, lift them up Lord. — Let them feel your peace and keep your angels around us all. Until you call us home on high, Lord, lead us to lead an army great and small, young and old to you lord. — For you are not slack concerning your promises. We are just impatient.

Deep breath, let it out some more.

I don’t want to sleep tonight, but I will, and I trust Jesus will help me.

I have another message for you–

God is near to you!!

I’m still praying. I’ll never stop.

I just got to breath, I want to listen to music and keep this night going forever, regardless even if I stayed awake until surgery time on Friday, I cannot stop the clock, I can however fight this with the sword of God, that everlasting word. —

Heaven and earth shall pass away, but his word will forever remain, (Mark 13:31 reference) we can’t be halfway in and halfway out. (Matthew 6:24 reference)

Another thing I saw, I’d like to share before I close.

While praying about my surgery, and meditating on Psalm 23, I saw a man holding lantern. My surroundings were dark, as though I was in that valley of the shadow of death, but this man, he had kept looking back motioning me forward. — Dawn was ahead.

YOUR DAWN IS COMING, are you preparing, or are you stuck in the waiting?

I’m a little mean. Grrrr.

I pray I’ve said something to help you,

Let’s pray this out.

Father God in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ,

Lord, I come to you, and I thank you for helping me write another blog. I thank you for the words you have given me to write, and I praise you for the valleys. I praise you for the opportunities to grow even when it hurts. Father, I thank you for sending Jesus to die for me, when I deserved to die instead of him. I thank you for loving me, even when I try to run from you, and I thank you for the souls you’ll touch. Father, I pray whosoever reads this, that you touch them Jesus, and you mend their hearts. I pray that you open their hearts to receive you back into it or simply into if they have never received you before. Jesus, I pray, for closure to those who are searching for closure, and I pray for peace for those who need peace. I pray that you lift them up, and set them on wings of eagles, so they can soar. I pray you give your angels charge over them in all their ways, so they can begin to work for you and your kingdom. I pray Jesus, not just for them, but for me also, God see me through the next few days, I rebuke any fear, and I stand on your infallible love for me. I know Jesus you have big plans for me, and I declare it over my life, my soul, and my mind! God flood my mind with your presence, and clear any rubbage that lingers of the enemy, you hold all power over me, my mind, my heart, and I am yours. Father, make your abode in me, and open thy word to me. Jesus let me life a life that mirrors you, and Lord, whatever thy will is, I accept it for my life. God, I thank you, for interrupting my plans and replacing them with your pathway to everlasting life. Though I fall short, you never fail to pick me up. I praise you forever, and ever, AMEN. Oh, and Jesus, let this message fall on good ground, if the ground isn’t good, plow it up and plant it deeper. — You’re holy and true, and its only you Jesus that has the power to save men from sin, destruction and hell. — All praise be to you, AMEN take 2.

You all have a blessed weekend.

If you need me message me.

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

I love you forever, and Jesus loves you most, the extra mostest, ever!!! & Jesus, he himself is the best!

insert giggle.

❤ Christie.

Are you stuck? Do you feel like this is lasting forever? Once, again welcome to my world. This chapter / season seems like the longest one of my life. While Spring has now made it here, and a new season has officially begun, the lingering effects of Winter still remain, and however spiritual Winter is wanting to drag out as if the groundhog showed up twice and predicted a double season instead of just 6 more weeks.

A new chapter has begun for me. I started a new job, one I feel like I can stick with until I graduate college, (unless Jesus show’s me otherwise). I now work as a customer service representative for Appalachian Wireless. I get to sit at my desk and help troubleshoot people about these handy little devices that seem to be taking over the world. The staff is the finest I have ever met. They have gone above and beyond to exceed expectations, of how a corporate office should treat their employees, they are bending over backwards to accommodate my hearing disability, and as soon as I walked into my area the signs started appearing. The signs are everywhere.

I live for Jesus, my family, and these signs. I’m surrounded by the love of Jesus, Butterflies, ladybugs, and owls. When I am weak Jesus sends me a sign. When I am questioning, I see a sign. Believe me when I say, I question everything. I question things down to the fine details that people often don’t read, I question. I’m like a child who stomps their feet and shout’s ” I need to know, and I need to know now!” But God’s plans don’t work that way. His timing / direction is perfect, and his timing/direction is the one I’m waiting on.

Spiritually I believe he is strengthening me. I went through a recent decline where I almost let go. Struggles got hard, I almost caved, while I was saying God was still Good, I personally almost fell due to the pain. Marital issues can hurt. I cry silently almost every day begging Jesus to move, to save, to restore, to perform his promises. I’ve always known he’s going to perform that which he promised me, from the first till the last, he’s going to perform, but I’m learning the details I don’t know, and I’m not going to know them. I’m not going to know the when, or where. But I do know the way. The way the promises are going to be performed are through Jesus, and him only. (John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me), WHY, because Jesus is faithful and he’s not a man. (John 1:1;10 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.; He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not.)) God hates liars, and he himself is not a liar. He made several promises, and he himself is lining everyone up. God’s promises are closer to unfolding than what people realize. The problem is we are getting tired in the waiting. Instead of growing tired, we need to be preparing ourselves in Jesus so we can receive what he’s been preparing over the years.

Galatians 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

ME of all people, I almost let my own weary heart knock me out of God’s personal promises to me. I’ve stood for years. I’ll keep standing. He’s making me stronger. I’m gaining battle wounds. I feel like I’m in the fight club. Mentally, I’m battling a battle few understand. I pour myself into Jesus, my mom, my sisters, and best-friend. One of these days, though, Oh! What a glorious day it will be when I cry to the world about the full filling of them all, down to the very last one. That last promise is what helps me to hold on, even when I want to throw in the towel.

Trust in God’s timing, let him prepare you for what you are waiting for. I don’t know all the details, I only know that one day, one by one by one every personal promise that Jesus has made to his children pertaining to their lives will come to past, that is if we cling to him and be obedient to what he calls us to do. You can’t preach to the world, if you don’t first let him preach to you.

While part of the 2nd promise has already began to take place (my family has taken me under their wing, I call them mom, dad, my sisters, etc.) it is waiting on the last three that take my breath away. The first promise has made me want to throw the towel in so many times its unreal. But there’s Jesus and those signs. The sign of the last promise. I cannot express in words, the IMPORTANCE of waiting on that last promise, (In my darkest of dark, we are talking midnight when the thieves break in to steal and kill,) is what’s kept me going when I don’t want to go. I cannot express that I’ve wondered how it will take place, but I will confess I know all I was told is Witness. One day, I’ll bear you witness face to face, and you’ll know I was silent so God could work.

Waiting on the first promise is making my anxiety and PTSD worse. I don’t trust anyone outside my family. I think people of the oppose gender are pretty, but best left alone. One day I feel like I’ll be taking care of my kids with just Jesus, and my family and I’m okay with that. I can’t dare seeing myself ever trust anyone again because of the pain of the first. But I’ll keep holding on and praying. The darkest hour is right before the dawn. When it’s good its good, and when its bad, I’m isolating to my family. I try to shut my mind down, but it wonders like the wind. I shut the last promise out and pray, pray, pray. I speak life and not death. I speak life from the first promise until the last. I speak life and salvation over all of God’s creation. I speak life over my family, over my husband, over my kids who hate me, over Eli who suffers from Autism. I speak life over my family’s family, I speak life over all the darkness that you are battling. I speak life into the darkness. I know Jesus hears me, and I know Jesus wants me to stand, and I know the devil wants me to let go. I am the bridge between my family, and these promises. Sure, it’s hard to believe when I’ve only saw part of one take place, but believing is all I have left to do. I believe because of Jesus, and I believe because Jesus is faithful. I believe because he helps me believe. I believe when I can’t breathe. BUT I won’t go against Jesus not for a minute, even if it would bring the last promise in sooner. I been there done that, and all I done was place a halt on it. God’s timing isn’t like our timing, there’s stuff that he wants us to learn, do in preparation. Pruning sucks, growth is painful. Imagine the caterpillar and the butterfly, what a beautiful transformation, but the middle part where the caterpillar forms a cocoon, isolates in the dark, becomes mooshy and undone, only to be place back together more beautiful than ever before; yep, that ending is the part I’m waiting for. Consider this my cocoon, I am here, but I’m busy being transformed while in waiting.

I am Job, but one day I will be Esther,

I love you all, I pray I’ve said something to help you.

Email me. I’d almost put my personal email on here, but my WordPress email is plenty.

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Jesus loves you most, he wants you to trust him, and get back out to his house. (Sorry, not sorry, that’s what came to me)

❤ Christie

Do you believe?

I keep preaching it, and speaking it, but do you see it? Sometimes it’s here and we are so caught up in our fears that we cannot allow ourselves to receive it, because we are bound by the madness.

Inhale, exhale. Deep breath. Dance with me. Come into my mind, and I’ll show you the darkness, and madness. I’ll also the light that’s extinguishing everything that’s not beneficial to my wellness. (I’ve been fighting the light, if you follow me closely, you’ve saw it’s a bit of a habit.)

In November I started a new job as a medical receptionist. – In January, circumstances around my job started making me second guess my whole being there. I started closing up. I started isolating (the pattern is omnipresent). I started distancing myself from coworkers and finding myself closed up alone in my own little world. I begin to feel the “I’m not up to their standards feeling” I started wanting to escape. From that moment forward, I begin to watch it all, every motive, every talk, every whisper. I began to pay attention to tone, appeal, and how individuals communicated with me and with each other. I begin to notice, me being out of place, not just in my own head, but in others’ opinions. I begin to be in want of an escape. During lunch I’d splurge to exercising, and music. I’d get as far away from people as I possibly could. There’s just something about displacement and not belonging.

I’ve been suffocating since January. – I have to heal. (Stop thinking, Girl, you have been suffocating since I’ve known you, I have, and I haven’t been. I’m just slowly getting to where I need to be, and so are you).

Between the stress of school, work, health, and me being mentally nonexistent at home I am pooped. I’m taking a break. — A much needed break, before I collapse. I’m quitting work for about a month to focus on Jesus, my health, and my home life. I need Jesus, I have to pass this semester, and my family needs me. Right now, all anyone is getting from me is how I am constantly overwhelmed by some dumb crap at work that keeps throwing me off balance.

But my Jesus, he is healing me. Look at the big picture. I’ve found acceptance with my family, walls are dropping and raising. I am mending. I love those around me, but I’m also protective of myself. I’m learning to trust Jesus even if I can’t see his bigger plan, and my faith is growing more and more.

Today I reached my ledge –with work. I’m jumping. I quit. Jesus, catch me. I didn’t use wisdom, I used the wings you gave me, help me to fly.

Oh, kudos, vascular appointment number two came and went, and you know what? My arteries are clear. God confirmed it twice! He’s so amazing. Guess what else, at the end of the appointment, I looked over, and there it was… a ladybug tattoo on some random person’s arm! I knew Jesus placed that there for me. I find comfort in the signs he gives me. I know he walks with me.

I go for an MRI on my brain and inner ears on March 10th. Then on March 13th, I follow up with an ENT specialist to look primarily at a mass in my left mastoid. I personally think its fluid, it feels like fluid, but whatever it is Jesus has this and he has me. I won’t be shaken. —- I look forward to having this resolved and enjoying my summer with my family and rug rats while chasing rollercoasters, swimming pools, hot tubs, and long road trips.

But right now… I just need to let the almighty physician heal me. Mentally. Spiritually, and trust he also has me physically. He formed me. —

Darkness my friend, –We are breaking up.

Madness, –I’m madly in love with the healing my savior Jesus is bringing to me.

Light, –infiltrate me, pump life into my lungs that have been drown for so long. Resuscitate me. Bring me back to life, surround me with your presence, and never let me go. — Give me thy word, for thy word is life, with it I shall not stumble, but rather I’ll dance on the water and keep my eyes on the promises that lay just ahead.

I’m pressing into this revival that’s here. I want all Jesus has for me. —

I love you ❤

Jesus loves you most ❤

Christie ❤

–Today after venting to my bff Sarah about the chaos at work and life in general, she sent something to me. I know it had to be at the hand of God–

When I arrived at the cliff in the valley, there was no room in my soul for fear, for I knew that God had brought me this far and He would still be with me. And though I am patiently waiting to see what miraculous thing He will do, I hold on to His promise “I know the plans I have for you”

It’s time for healing, time to move on
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong

Time for a milestone, time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything, I surrender

Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly, something Heavenly

Time to breathe in and let everything out

❤

Yesterday, Jesus told me that I needed to start posting videos to my blog.

This is new to me, but whatever he bids, that I want to do.

❤ Remember I love you,

❤ Jesus loves you Most

❤ Christie

If you need me reach out to me.

(2)Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/christie.rogers7373/videos/1649288008837410

I should be sleeping. It’s my day off. But I’m not. I hear a voice telling me “You need to write in the back of my mind.”

While wrestling with thought, sleep, ear pain, and the creeping sleep I grab my computer, a NEHI peach, Tylenol, and my headphones.

Prayers first, music, and hands on the keys– Jesus you take the lead.

The week of February 20th came in this year untamed and very much thought of. Beginning with Friday the 17th, I had to call in work due to flood waters keeping me from getting home the night prior, (causing me and my boys to have to crash at a hotel). Friday, Saturday and Sunday the tensions built daily. Normally I don’t think and normally I don’t allow myself to reminisce. This year was different. –Then I paired the two.

On Friday the 17th, I joined my family in a Karen Peck concert. One of my favorite locals was opening for them (Chosen). Just three days before deadline. Tick tock, Tick tock. —

On Saturday we participated in Kingdom Connection. (Oh, what a feeling, to set at his feet, and press when I can’t feel nothing but fear and what if.) Tick tock, tick tock two days left.

Sunday was church morning. A warrior’s cry for prayer, one day left. tick tock, tick tock. (The clock never stops)–

I’ve begged and pleaded since the news. Jesus, spare my life, I’ll do anything, (Truth be told, I’m so drained of energy, I do well enough to function. Welcome to the truthful part of me)

Sunday night hit me differently. –“Daddy’s been dead 8 years on the 21st, and the day of my fate, (tick tock, tick tock) will mark the 8th year anniversary of when I last saw him alive”—- Coincidence, I think not!

Monday, February 20th,2023 let’s go to Lexington. I get up, shower, attempt to straighten my hair, (humidity you suck; thank you covid, and blonde bleach for the fuzz bucket look). My mom drove, and I was surrounded by my sisters, and niece. –

I want to back track a little; follow with me, I promise there is always a point, and relevance. — In December I celebrated Christmas. This Christmas was different. My Jericho walls were broken. — Every fiber in me now lives and loves (the catch, I’m so guarded, that it takes Jesus himself to show me its ok, when to guard and not guard) it took Jesus years to show me it’s ok to love these people, (note they adopted me in, just like Jesus grafted the gentiles into his Kingdom, and shows no difference, My Mom, Dad, grafted me in. I wasn’t biologically born of them, but they took me and my kids in as if I was and always have been one of theirs. – After celebrating a quick Christmas at home with Danny, Eli and my stepson, Me, Eli and Syrus went to Moms and Dads where we were surrounded by new siblings, my niece and nephews. — I really only thought we was going to and eat, (I always eat with them,) but no, as much as they done for their biological children, they had done for me Eli, and Syrus. But why; I wasn’t theirs. Because they loved me and they accepted me despite my flaws, setbacks, tears, and despite how many times I try to run from Jesus (do you feel me) Mom and Dad took me in. (Mind you, this was part of the promises of Jesus). — They’re coming to past.

Now, fast forward to my fate date and anniversary of the last visit, I had with my daddy. —

God, you take over. — I’m weak and wearisome.

Daddy, I’ll write to you.

I love you, and I miss you. I pray you know I spent that day wishing you was going with me. I pray you know I thought about you the night before and I posted about you on Facebook as the tears fell. I pray you know even though I don’t allow myself to sit and cry daily, I love you, and I pray you know that even though I call them Mom and Dad that no one will ever or could ever take your place or my mommy’s place. I’m hardheaded but not hardhearted. I’m numb, and think people are full of it (including myself,) but I’m not selfish and rude. I love them Daddy and they love me. They accept me, and I accept them. With all the hell I went through as a kid, (I know, I know my mom done her best; but still, I have scars from years ago) The Justice family are my normal, and I’m their adopted daughter/jokester. They can’t take me in a store, or well anywhere without me saying something, even while praying, I’ll throw it out there, (Jesus help me to sing, because I can’t follow a tune.) I make random jokes about loosening people up with mag citrate (just because they’re so tight). I think I get that part from you, but when I say I go overboard, it’s to the deep end where the anchor rest. I’d rather see them laugh than to see them cry. I’d rather keep the mood happy than show the sappy that lays inside me, you know what though, they know the sappy parts within. I talk their ears off, and they know all the hidden details. Mom and my sisters know all the brokenness, and they know things no one else ever will, and they love me. They never let me walk alone. — They are meant to heal me daddy, — Heal me from the brokenness of losing you. Jesus gave you your healing in heaven, and I was left with an open wound, shattered heart, and darkness. –They’re teaching me love don’t have to hurt. They’re showing me its ok to drop the walls. I needed them, they loved you daddy, and they’ll always lead me right daddy. One of these days, you and dad will dance on the shores of Jordan, with Jesus, and rejoice because all 3 of you have been my dad, but for now I’ll praise Jesus with them and dance on earth as we lead people their last mile home. I know you understand.

Now on to Monday February 20,2023. Tick tock, tick tock, the day is here. — As we got to UK, the appointment was in the hands of Jesus. Me and mom went into the clinic, as my sisters and niece waited outside. I checked in and took a seat. My vitals were taken, and I was called back shortly. As I set there, I notified people via messenger of the status (I’m in the back, pray!) I asked Jesus for peace, and for him to lead the doctors. —deep breathe, I’m not alone. I have people who love me and I won’t be scared.

The results were in. Remember– I was diagnosed with 50-69% blockage in both main arteries. —

But my Jesus (insert scene where you see a desk person throw their whole folder all over the floor)….

First, I saw an apprentice, and then I saw the specialist. — I was shown pictures of arteries with blockages, and I was shown pictures of my arteries. —-I was shown a miracle at the hands of the Father. — I WAS SHOWN NO PLAQUE, AND NO BUILD UP, MY ARTERIES ARE 100% CLEAR! I HAVE BEEN HEALED. oh, how I praise his name. My Mom spoke up and said “Christie, that’s because you have gotten in all those prayer lines, the apprentice looked completely confused, but he was given a powerful testimony of Jesus.– Was it a miss-reading from the original results NO! My doctor heard the sound of the arteries, the blockage was there, but I stand to tell you, my Jesus is a way maker, a promise, keeper, a light in the darkness, and he’s making a way in this desert that you feel you are wondering through. — Just hold on his promises are nigh!

He’s so good!

I spend the rest of the day testifying to everyone. The day of Daddy’s death came and went, but mind you, I’ll never forget the Miracle on the 8th Year! — What was supposed to be a day of sadness, turned to Joy because of Jesus. — And your Joy is coming back too! Just a little farther.

OH, random fact, — I have owl socks, I got them for Christmas from my family.

I want you to know whatever you are facing; you are never alone. I am praying. Jesus loves you more in a moment, than anyone could their entire life.

I love you!

Jesus loves you most!

❤ Christie ❤

Give God a little more time. He’s not rushing. –We are.

Random Fact, Jesus led my sister to make me a blanket and have it anointed. it is covered in pictures of the youth group children’s hands, photos from church, and it was anointed- I carry it everywhere. —One particular handprint is pictured below. – I hope you smile.

Isaiah 61:1-3 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;  To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do

For whatever reason, this title has been on me the past few days. I’ll pray and ask Jesus to have his way with it.

Shall We?

This time I pray silent because I have a lot going on inside my mind and heart.

Bow your head and pray to if you choose and ask the lord to help you receive whatever he has prepared for you though this/his writing. I say his because I cannot even finish a blog unless his hands are upon them.

About a week ago right after laying down for bed Eli (my youngest rugrat) came and put his arms around me and said, “I’m going to marry you Mommy”, He then told me “And I’m going to give you a kiss.” He then gave me the biggest kiss ever on my forehead. I asked him are you going to give me a ring too maybe a blue one? (I was referring to wedding bands) he told me “Yes, but a little one, so you can’t get away or go far.” It took me a second to catch on, but I finally realized he was referring to “Sonic’s ring’s”, you know the ones Sonic tosses in the distance when he’s in trouble or just wanting to teleport. Yea, Eli was willing to give me a ring, but not one I could use to get away from him with. Gosh! love it. His precious conversation has replayed to me daily.

OK, Jesus how is this supposed to turn into a blog?

Just like the child like love of Eli towards me, Jesus feels the same way about all of us. Before we make our vowels to him, after we make our confession and daily when we are renewed in him, his love never changes. And… he doesn’t want any of us to get away from him.

Marriage is a unity. It’s for better or worse, good times, bad times, highs, lows, cuddles, snurls, cold shoulders, and shoulders for pillows. Whatever life throws at you when you are married to someone, they are your person. (Unless you get a divorce, and God hates divorce. Infact the bible tells us there’s really only one legit reason for obtaining a divorce which is adultery. Agree to disagree, but still, it doesn’t change his word.) Anyways, just like Eli wanting me to stay close to him because he loves me, Jesus wants us to stay close to him because he loves us and guess what he doesn’t give us a reason to divorce him. He’s always faithful to us. He provides, cares for, nurtures, and he is always there, even when we can’t feel him (I’ll raise my hand, wipe my snotty nose, and be the first to shake my fist in the air screaming his name) So… you’re perfect? I’m not.

I’ve wanted to throw my hands up. I’ve wanted to scream. Do you know how long I feel like I have been praying, then I see everyone else lives turning out so perfect. There’re times I’m like “Really, Jesus you only care for the perfect ones.” Look I’m only being real. At times I am a real mess. Then I began to think, there has to be a message in this mess. — Then it came tonight (after me telling Jesus the whole him only loving perfect people.) Broken heart symbol here.

“Flowers don’t grow without rain.”

Life is a flipping mess. I am up to my eyeballs in homework. I sleep in a separate room than my husband, (courtesy of Eli– its ok he’s autistic and I like my big old bed to myself and him. I’d rather roll over and cuddle someone I know feels safe with me, than to be around someone who makes me want to run away. Just saying) My arteries are like clogged Pipes. I’m on a strict diet 4 out of 7 days a week I live on fruits/veggies/whole grains. Then on the weekends I cheat a little. I exercise now almost every day. Everything I can do to better my crumbling health (except the cheat days, momma loves Mexican) My point is, Jesus doesn’t want us perfect, he doesn’t’ expect us to be perfect, he wants us loyal. He knows we are full of raw emotions, and he can handle them all, even when we can’t handle ourselves. —

The rain is falling. But I’m nearing my finish line, the same tears I’ve been crying I’m going to spit in the devil’s face. — That serpent, He don’t own me, and at times I may sound like him verbally, I’m not his or nor will I ever be.

My fat mouth (-10000) Jesus ❤ ❤ ❤ (1000000000) the devil –(he’s about to get knocked out)

–random fact–

Today I bought me 2 stuffed owls (one a key chain, the other a plushy)

God is with me. I won’t fear.

❤ I love you. ❤

❤ Jesus loves you most ❤

❤ Christie ❤

IMPRESSSION: Findings compatible with stenosis in the 50-69% range in the right and left internal carotid arteries. REPORT SIGNED 1/23/23 at 5:21PM.

NARRATIVE: PROCEDURE-US CAROTID DOPPLER BILATERAL: 1/23/23

CLINICAL INFORMATION: bruit

COMPARISON: none

There is visible atheromatous calcified plaquing in the bilateral internal and common carotid arteries. Mildly elevated peak systolic velocity in the right internal carotid artery measures 130 cm/s. Elevated peak systolic velocity in the left internal carotid artery measures 138 cm/s.

Flow in the vertebral arteries is antegrade.

&.. Just like that my perfect little world came crashing down.

I sat at my desk holding back raw emotions, as I text my mom, and my doctor. I saw the results and I knew it didn’t sound good. I wanted to know the depth of what damage I had done to myself through years of careless living. While talking to the receptionist at the clinic, my heart raced, and my throat tightened.

Both my main arteries that pump the blood from heart to my brain were filled with plaque, good news it’s below 70%, I’ve not yet made it to stroke range, but I need to see a vascular specialist.

Here comes the wind & oh, how she blows havoc.

God,

I know you’re there. I’m only 37. I’m so young. I have my whole life to live. I have children. Please spare me. If you will spare me, I’ll do all that you tell me to do, and I’ll lay everything aside for you. I’ll stop being so covetous. I’ll stop the wasteless spending. I’ll seek you more, trust you more, pray more, and I’ll do all that you would for me to do. I beg you please extend my years like that of Hezekiah in the bible. Please Jesus, spare me. I need you. I don’t want to die. I’m not ready to go yet. I know I’ve been disobedient, but I’m begging you, while bargaining for my life, please let me live. I love you and I need you now. I’m willing to trust you. Just please spare me.

My brush of death came like a whirlwind, when I never saw it coming. My only symptoms were and are a blood pressure cuff feeling on my left arm, and pain in my left carotid artery. I’m stubborn, I’ve felt this for about a year or so, and I accepted it as vitamin D deficiency. After taking vitamin D supplements and getting no relief. I finally decided I had to know what was going on, and I began to pray about it, that’s when Jesus showed me. This can happen to anyone. Life is not to be played with. This is not a game that we are playing. We have one life to live, and I believe firmly in living life for the Lord. I believe everyone is given one Life. I believe in life others are given more chances than some, but no matter what, we are not to take these chances for granted. I believe I have taken many chances/prayers for granted. I believe I have wasted so much of God’s time doing what I wanted in my flesh instead of serving in my spirit, that he had to shake me. I believe this is not the end for me or for you. I Believe this is only the beginning and that victory will soon be here. We just have to hold on to what God has promised, and to what has been shown. I believe in Miracles, and I believe that I am a miracle.

I am scared. I am not shaken. What the enemy meant to shake me, Jesus is using to make me kneel and trust him. I do not like doctors or medicine. All in all, trust maybe one or two doctors and the same applies to medications. I just hate it. I’ve went from drug addict to anti medication all together. Hating on doctors/medicine is the dumbest thing ever for someone like me who is going to school to be a nurse or possibly more if Jesus tells me to go farther. It clashes, it doesn’t mix. I can’t tell you to take your medicine, if I’m like nope I am not touching it. Double standards. I can’t heal you metaphorically speaking if I don’t let Jesus heal me not metaphorically speaking.

He’s healing me.

I see it all around me.

Walls are breaking.

He’s teaching me to love, forgive, accept, and move forward with him.

I’ve tried to control him over the years. You can’t control God. No one can. We are to submit ourselves to him and let him alone lead our lives. We are to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to him. Precious are we in his sight, but another twist, is rebellious are we in his sight (Ouch. that one hurt.) Hi, I am rebellious. I like to do what I want, when I want, and when I get in trouble, I like to cry out, “Jesus, save me!”. It doesn’t work that way. Jesus loves us the way that we are, but he doesn’t want us to continue to be stiff-necked and stouthearted. He wants us humble, broken, polite, sincere, true, and kind. He wants us as we are but wants us to be made into who he’s called us to be. He wants to transform us from who we are and into who he is calling us to be. He can’t do that if we are always living life according to our own agenda. We have to lay our agenda aside and say, “Lord, not my will, but thy will, be done.”

Genesis 1:27– So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them

Matthew 6:10–Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven

What image is this. It’s the image Jesus portrayed when he walked the earth. Jesus was the son of God. He came to this earth being born of the virgin Mary. A holy seed placed within Mary’s womb by God the father, God the spirit, God the HOLY GHOST. He was God in the flesh. Jesus left the example for us to follow by how he carried/handled himself in everyday situations. Yet, he humbled himself in obedience by dying the death on the cross for us. When he was spit upon, he never lashed back. He kept his mouth shut. Most of us including me, would have been throwing arms. I can’t imagine the look on his face, as he looked at them with the love in his eyes. When I think about the rejection Jesus felt, I get this image of a child in my head. I see a child who has just been hurt by someone they love, possibly a parent, or friend. I see the feeling of rejection, but silence of brokenness upon the child’s face. My heart sinks and I think of my own babies. His love for us is so pure, he just wanted to be loved. He loves us beyond what we could ever fathom.

Hebrews 4:15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

He never riveled / fought back. He set the church in order. But he never lifted his hand to do harm to another.

John 1:14- And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth

Matthew 18:3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

I don’t know what you are going through today. But I do know Jesus has been pressing on me to write for some time now. I do know that you are going to be ok, and what was meant to break you is supposed to grow you, and make you grab ahold of him. I do know that Jesus loves you (and I’ll never stop telling you that, even if you end up hating me, I’ll still tell you Jesus loves you). I know Jesus is near in the fire, and he’s near in the darkness, and he’s near when the dawn begins to break.

I want to share this before I come to a close. I was praying the other day at the foot of my bed. As I was praying, I saw it flash before my eyes. I was in the wilderness/woods. It was dark. I could see the shadows of the tall dark trees all around, as I knelt to the ground beneath. It was as if I was praying there instead of at my bed. I glanced up and saw the dawn breaking over the horizon. —

Dawn is just a head. The pain will stop. You will have understanding. You will have closure. You will be set free.

As for me. I’m going to keep on following Jesus. I know he’s going to heal me. Since finding out the news I’ve stood in every prayer line I could. I know God is going to work a miracle on me. He is able to heal me without any procedures to clear my arteries, but even if he doesn’t, I will not fear. Just like the three Hebrew boys, My God is able, and but if he doesn’t, I still won’t surrender my faith, love and hope in him for anything the devil has to offer. Fear is not of God. Fear is a sin, and sin won’t have dominion over me! Jesus has dominion over me. —I know the 4th man, and he’s in this fire with me!!

Daniel 3: 16-18, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up ,

Daniel 3:24-25 Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astonished, and rose up in haste, and spake, and said unto his counsellors, Did not we cast three men bound into the midst of the fire? They answered and said unto the king, True, O king. He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.

Nebuchadnezzar/the Golden image= Fear

THE 4TH MAN = JESUS

I have God on my side, and so do you. You, just need to be obedient and listen to that still small voice and pray for his spirit to lead and guide you.

For the giggles– I am surrounded by cats. I now have 3 Siamese cats in my house. Owley is my baby. She’s named after my love of owls. Bug is a lovebug, He’s named after my love for ladybugs, and Callie is the newest member of this clan of kitties. She got her name from her odd coat reminding me of a calico, turns out she’s a snowshoe Siamese. No more cats for me until I get my RN license and splurge on a Savannah cat. (Jesus forgive me, I said no more covetousness, in my defense this isn’t more covetousness, its continuing covetousness, I’ve wanted one forever. A domesticated housecat that gets a big as medium dog, me want, me want!) Carry on ❤

I love you, ❤

Jesus loves you most! ❤

Don’t never fear, you have Jesus! ❤

God’s Got this, you just have to be patient. ❤

Christie ❤

It’s time for healing, time to move on It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long Time to make right what has been wrong It’s time to find my way to where I belong There’s a wave that’s crashing over me And all I can do is surrender Whatever You’re doing inside of me It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see. Time for a milestone, time to begin again Re-evaluate who I really am Am I doing everything to follow Your will Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills? So show me what it is You want from me I give everything, I surrender Time to face up, clean this old house Time to breathe in and let everything out That I wanted to say for so many years Time to release all my held back tears. Whatever You’re doing inside of me It feels like chaos but now I can see This is something bigger than me Larger than life, something Heavenly, something Heavenly– Sanctus Real

I’m hurting.

Obedience means compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another’s authority.

Jesus tells me in his word “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

Obedience is hard at times. It requires us to make decisions that are beyond what our flesh wants, but when it comes to our personal walk with Jesus obedience is required.

What you’re witnessing is my obedience to his command. It’s not absence, or denial, it’s not even turning my back or my face. Its obedience to the cross that carried and still carries my sins away.

The upcoming days will be the hardest days of this year I’ll face. I’ll be living dead, smiling, giggling, rejoicing, empty, numb, lifeless, and alive all at once.

I have got to be about the father’s business-like Jesus was. I want you to read, I want you see, but I want you grow closer to Jesus.

Hebrews 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.

Philippians 3:14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus

One day, I’m going to walk on Heaven’s shore with my master, but for now I’m called to the front line to battle this world of wickedness.

I cannot battle this world of wickedness if I’m holding on to something Jesus told me to lay down. –And neither can you. (The fear has to go too. We have to be willing to trust Jesus with every fiber in us. We have to be willing to trust an unknown future to an all known and all loving God. We have to we willing to walk on the water even if we can’t stand in it)

Today is Christmas, I go back to work tomorrow (Monday). I’m broken. Her birthday is Wednesday.

As I deny my flesh, I’m holding to his promises. I’m still holding on, even though I had to let go.

Watch me grow and allow yourself to be transplanted into his arms again.

To love like Jesus means to lay down my life for the well-being of others. To love like Jesus means to lay down my own wants so much, to where my wants begin to look like his wants. To love like Jesus means to be obedient even when it cost us what feels like everything. To love like Jesus means to serve, believe, and stay humble. To love like Jesus means to press on even when the enemy is closing in. To love like Jesus means to give it all I have, even if all I have is my last breath.

I can see an image of a warrior fighting as I’m typing. There are two warriors fighting side by side, the light from the rising sun is shining on the warrior on the right. The one on the left is almost standing in darkness, it’s as though the one on the right is doing most of the fighting for the two. The crowd is many, but the slaying is great, for they are not outnumbered, they have the army of the living God fighting for them.

Ezekiel 33:1-6 The word of the Lord came to me:  “Son of man, speak to your people and say to them: ‘When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman,  and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not heed the warning and the sword comes and takes their life, their blood will be on their own head.  Since they heard the sound of the trumpet but did not heed the warning, their blood will be on their own head. If they had heeded the warning, they would have saved themselves.  But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes someone’s life, that person’s life will be taken because of their sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for their blood.’

Jesus is coming back! When I first started this journey with him, I was given a dream by him in the middle of the night. I saw Jaylah, and she told me, “We have to leave soon, and you need to prepare.”

The words I speak to you, I speak to all. We have to leave soon; I urge you to prepare.

God’s promises will be fulfilled but, in the waiting, there is preparation, dedication, rededication, meditation, supplication, and separation that has to take place. We have to have our hearts fixated on him. We have to keep our minds clear of the entanglements of this world.

We are to rise to the front lines, go out on the battlefield, and lead the lost back to him.

The bible says also, not everyone will enter in.

Matthew 7:21-Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

It’s time to look to Jesus, and not look back.

I love you all ❤

Jesus loves you most ❤

Christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

Christie ❤

Obedience. One little word that requires a lot at times.

The full meaning of obedience is to comply with an order, request, or law or submission to another’s authority.

Now, let us go a little further.

Obedience to Jesus. – Ouch. I’m stepping on toes; believe me it steps on mine too. Often when I think I am in the right, I am found in the wrong, because I am only found right in my flesh, and I’m found unright or unrighteous in my spirit, what spirit, the spirit of the Lord that lives within me, the spirit that corrects me, guides me, leads me and also (ouch here it comes again,) the spirit that convicts me.

Do you pray for conviction over your wrongs? I do. I always want Jesus to convict me. As long as he’s convicting me, he’s keeping my sinful nature in line, and it reminds me I am his, and I know he does it out of love, just like we discipline our children out of love.

For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth —Hebrews 12:6

So, what is obedience to Jesus?

Obedience to Jesus is fully surrendering to Jesus. Its fully giving him your heart, soul, mind and life. It’s taking everything and laying it at the foot of Jesus. Its saying God, this life is not my own, you gave it to me, now Jesus, my Lord and King, I surrender it back to you. Take my life and let it be what you will have it to be. Only say the word Jesus, I’ll go, say and do all that you would have me to do. Fill me with the Holy Ghost Jesus so I can withstand against all that life throws at me. Fill me with the Holy Ghost Jesus, so I can fully understand your word, your ways, and your plans for my life. Jesus let me as bold as the prophets of old. Let me be like Daniel who slept with the lions, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego who danced in the fire. Let me be like David who slew his Goliath. Let me be like Job who lost it all, begged for death, but still refused to curse you and die. Let me be like Joseph who was sent ahead of his brethren, although Joseph didn’t understand, he persevered and all things worked out for not only his good, but their good, because You my Lord, hold the bigger plan. You my Lord, know the ending before we ever know the beginning. Most importantly Jesus, let me be like you! Harmless as a Dove, but wise as a serpent. I’m not sure I could ever hold my peace if someone spit in my face physically, now spiritually people spit all the time (Confession, at times I fail at holding my peace. I am not perfect. I am human, But Jesus, I desire to be like you, even if I have to bite my tongue off, swallow it and choke on it. Bad reference but we all know serving Jesus is the best thing in life, but it also has its challenges. We go through FIRES).

So, why the topic of Obedience this time…

Because recently, I’ve had to do one of the hardest tasks I never wanted to. Jesus knows what exactly it was and if you know me well enough you know I had to do too for HIM (meaning there was no getting around it.) Like Abraham, I had to lay down my ISSAC. My Issaac was my clutch, my Issaac was my wonder, my Issaac was what I cleaved to more than Jesus. My Issaac was what I wanted in my flesh more than obedience in my spirit. My Issaac is what I desired in my life more than the cross, there I said it. I loved Jesus, but I was placing my Issaac and how I thought the events surrounding my Issaac should or would play out. I daydreamed constantly about my Issaac.

But then Jesus.

Jesus began to deal with me over my Issaac. The more I prayed for Issaac, the more he would tell me to really lay Issaac down, or I was going to lose everything he ever promised me including, the salvation of my husband, and my best friend having a child, much less bearing witness to Issaac. The only thing I was showing Issaac was its ok to keep adulterous feelings hidden within your heart. But you see, Jesus knows all, sees all, reveals all, and deals with his children on all. Even though there was no physical sin taking place between me and Issaac, there was a hidden sin within my heart that Jesus began to deal with me on. Jesus tells us no sin will enter into heaven. Jesus knew I loved him, and desired to serve him, grow with him, and become who he has called me to be, but Issaac was standing in my way. It’s not Issaac’s fault. Issaac saw light, but I dimmed God’s true light by not listening a year ago when Jesus first told me to lay him down. I wanted Issaac so bad in my life, that I would create excuses to keep him, excuses don’t work with Jesus. God’s word tells us faith without works is dead. Abraham was willing to sacrifice Issaac on the altar, he was really going to kill him, but God made a way.

I had to sacrifice Issaac. I done it for Jesus. But God made a way, and I still selfishly pray God as long as I am fully obedient this time, please let me bear witness in person. I even placed it in the prayer box at church, nevertheless, Oh Lord, even if it doesn’t happen, thy will be done. I accept thy will over my own life. My righteousness is but filthy rags, meaning even the saints of God sin, and we are scarcely saved, we are saved because we have an atonement /advocate with God for our sins which is Christ Jesus. We can pray and seek forgiveness but let me place this warning of Urgency, I also know no sin is going to enter into heaven, how a tree falls, so shall it lay. If we die in sin, we will be raised sin also.

All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away. Isaiah 64:6

My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:-1 John 2:2

I laid Issaac down on the altar, the nights that followed were hard. I cried, I snotted, I swore that I’d fight the enemy still, I promised I’d go after every soul the devil was taking from me, I promised I’d seek God in my prayer closet, and that I would not go down without vengeance. For the enemy to use Issaac against me of all people, the signs, the waiting, the hurting and the pain. I became livid. I’ll not stop until I make Hell empty and Heaven full. I won’t stop, I won’t stop. I won’t stop. Sin is sin, I don’t stand for it, but pain is pain, and Jesus used Issaac as a wakeup call to how easily the devil uses cracks in our Armour to make us fall.

Love, hopelessness, pain, depression, bad romance, in contentment –all my cracks. My Issaac filled them all. Jesus said no, he filled them with sin, and as my child, I expect you to purge it. It wasn’t Issaac’s fault, again it was mine. Now, Jesus has filled these cracks.

So, how did Jesus make a way for me to keep my Issaac?

My Blogs. Issaac is to read them; Issaac is to reflect upon them. Issaac is to see that God isn’t finished yet! Issaac is to see that Jesus is raising up a standard against the enemy and he wants him/her/them/they to be a part of it. Issaac is to lay it all down on the foot of the Cross and say, God I cannot but you can. I placed all the pronouns because I do not know what your Issaac is, I only know what mine is,

You know I even started doubting God’s promises, especially when I had to lay Issaac down, but Jesus showed me, again it’s in his timing not mine, but it requires full not, partial, not half, but full obedience.

Let me witness to you how fast Jesus has started working, 2 days after I laid down Issaac, Danny went to church, my best friend even encouraged me to hold to God’s promises, and to not stop church, because let’s be real, I wanted to. God has shown me the signs are following my daughter too. I had a dream, and the owls were everywhere hidden, she may not see them but, it was comfort knowing Jesus is surrounding her. I see the signs more prominent now, and I am an avid collector. Cracker Barrell Country store is my favorite place to shop, oh the owls. A lady walked in work on the day of our Christmas party, the ladybugs on her shirt caught my attention. Eli took a test at school, at the top of his paper was a ladybug. I’m overwhelmed, but I have comfort in knowing I am forgiven, and Jesus is about to take me to the next level with him, because of Obedience.

You see, Jesus told me if I wanted real growth, and to be his witness, I had to lay my Issaac down. My heart is broken, but now my Heavenly Father is proud.

Follow my blogs.

I pray you have the strength to lay your Issaac down, or Issaacs, because to some there is more than one. Also, an Issaac doesn’t always have to be a person, it can be anything that you are cleaving to more than Jesus. Whatever Jesus is telling you to lay down, trust he’ll make each day easier, but the first day or so will be toughest. I know I’m living it.

Jesus has my Issaac, and I’m that Warrior, Issaac first saw, not the harlot I portrayed.

Oh! and Bonus Blessing!

I passed my first semester in college!

2 A’s and 2 B’s 3.3 GPA— Jesus was helping me so much on that last anatomy exam that I was giggling. I never studied. I got a 90%. My God is faithful!

Child of God

Warrior of Faith!

I won’t be shaken!

Nothing is better than Jesus!

I’m not afraid to you my weakness, my failures, and flaws he’s saw them all and he still calls me friend.

Remember I love you!

Jesus loves you most!

He’s making beauty from Ashes, and the broken pieces are coming back together because he has spoken it.

Email me if you need me. Let’s talk Jesus!

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie

He gets all praise, he’s turning my mourning into dancing.

Abraham prayed for the day God would give him a son, blessed Isaac was his name, The greatest gift he’d ever known. Then came the day, who would have dreamed God would say “Give him to me, on this mountain you will prove,
It’s you and Isaac, or it’s me and you. Most of us I’d dare to say, we have an Isaac in God’s way on the Altar God will prove it’s not your Isaac that he wants
He wants you. When I lay my Isaac down with a Broken heart but my Fathers proud On this altar here he lays Just to find it wasn’t him he/(God) wanted me

Here’s a song about a life from darkness I believe, you’re only getting started. (Jeremy Camp)

❤ 1 Corinthians 13:13 ❤

The past few days have been different.

Unusual? No, but different.

I’ve recently encountered a bible study on Joseph, and his life. I’ve encountered a study that has taken me into the details of Joseph’s life, from the beginning to the end. I’ve been reading on how Joseph had these God given dreams, only to boast, and then be thrown into a cistern, and sold into slavery. I’ve been reading how everything that Joseph had to experience was for God’s glory, even though while it was happening, he himself didn’t quite understand why he had to go through it.

I’m not yet finished with the study, but I can say that Jesus has used this to open my eyes to my current moment and state of mind.

I put on a really big front. I smile a lot. A girl with a smile is contagious, and quite beautiful, but sometimes behind a smile is a heart that shelters herself from the world and those that are in it.

Like Joseph naming his children symbolically after his past afflictions, I too try to hide hidden meanings into all that I do.

 And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father’s house. And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction. Genesis 41:51-52

I’ll put this simple. I have to heal.

I’m being told its time to heal.

Its time I lay everything down about myself before the feet of Jesus, although I have sworn, I have laid such things down over and over again, yet somehow, I keep picking things up and holding to them, even after I plead with Jesus to take them, things are so personal to me I hold to them like prize gold. Nothing, I say nothing is more important to me than Christ himself. So, why pick stuff back up after I have laid down? Because it feels comfortable, and it feels normal to me, without such baggage, I am free, and Jesus knows I don’t know how to be a free man. The baggage keeps me grounded, it keeps me in a state of mind that I am used to and comfortable in, and it keeps me happy. The baggage lets me know I am ok, because I am used to processing such thoughts.

Completeness, being content and having freedom, oh my I may just break out in dance like David did, but instead, I grab the chains and wrap them back around myself and I say no, Jesus, I’m not ready to let go.

A few deep breaths let’s go deeper into this journey.

I changed jobs again.

All of my life I have suffered abuse mental, emotional, intentional and unintentional. PTSD has been a diagnosis since I was a child, but it comes in its forms.

Being teased, made fun of and often being unaccepted as a child has followed me into my adulthood. I see now why people commit suicide. Is this a cry for help, no! I’d never do such a thing. But I understand the brokenness, and I’m telling you don’t do it. I care, and I’m here even when it seems like I am not here, I am here. I’m just taking care of me, all while praying for this chaotic world in the process.

I’m healing now.

I see my brokenness from my youth, I see all my scars. I see all the wounds I have professed are healed, only to do a little picking and be left bleeding again. Crying and snotting in the middle of the night, make-up all over my shirt, raccoon eyes, and many why God, whys!

I see a savior with his arms wide open, telling me, you and anyone else who needs to hear it, “My child, I never left you, only you tried to leave me, I had to let you get a little slack, so you’d be like Peter and fall once you got fully distracted. You see I have picked you up once again, now this time stay. I’ll mend your tears and that broken heart, but you have to trust me and not yourself. I know trusting me is hard, you can’t see me, but you know I am near, you can’t hear me because you have me tuned out thinking all I have to say is bad, and judgement. I am love; I have loved thee from the beginning.

It’s time for me to heal and move beyond all the hurt. It’s time for my smile to be real, it’s time for my tears to be joyful and it’s time for me to let go.

Behind this curtain there is a heart that’s hurting. It’s been taking a beating
It’s starting to fall apart. And I feel like such an easy target. Dodging bullets, I’m exhausted. How can every moment be this hard? I’m holding nothing back from you doesn’t really matter what I lose got a heart that’s open I’m broken and I want you to know. I’ve got a list that goes on and on it’s overflowing with memories of everything that I’ve been doing wrong and I’ll be the first to say I’ve chased after so many foolish things Looking for a way to kill the pain Jesus, I don’t want anything coming in between you and me. Jesus, it doesn’t matter what I have to go through I’m holding nothing back, nothing back from you. –Ryan Stevenson

Remember I love you and Jesus loves you Most!

Christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie