Do you believe?
I keep preaching it, and speaking it, but do you see it? Sometimes it’s here and we are so caught up in our fears that we cannot allow ourselves to receive it, because we are bound by the madness.
Inhale, exhale. Deep breath. Dance with me. Come into my mind, and I’ll show you the darkness, and madness. I’ll also the light that’s extinguishing everything that’s not beneficial to my wellness. (I’ve been fighting the light, if you follow me closely, you’ve saw it’s a bit of a habit.)
In November I started a new job as a medical receptionist. – In January, circumstances around my job started making me second guess my whole being there. I started closing up. I started isolating (the pattern is omnipresent). I started distancing myself from coworkers and finding myself closed up alone in my own little world. I begin to feel the “I’m not up to their standards feeling” I started wanting to escape. From that moment forward, I begin to watch it all, every motive, every talk, every whisper. I began to pay attention to tone, appeal, and how individuals communicated with me and with each other. I begin to notice, me being out of place, not just in my own head, but in others’ opinions. I begin to be in want of an escape. During lunch I’d splurge to exercising, and music. I’d get as far away from people as I possibly could. There’s just something about displacement and not belonging.
I’ve been suffocating since January. – I have to heal. (Stop thinking, Girl, you have been suffocating since I’ve known you, I have, and I haven’t been. I’m just slowly getting to where I need to be, and so are you).
Between the stress of school, work, health, and me being mentally nonexistent at home I am pooped. I’m taking a break. — A much needed break, before I collapse. I’m quitting work for about a month to focus on Jesus, my health, and my home life. I need Jesus, I have to pass this semester, and my family needs me. Right now, all anyone is getting from me is how I am constantly overwhelmed by some dumb crap at work that keeps throwing me off balance.
But my Jesus, he is healing me. Look at the big picture. I’ve found acceptance with my family, walls are dropping and raising. I am mending. I love those around me, but I’m also protective of myself. I’m learning to trust Jesus even if I can’t see his bigger plan, and my faith is growing more and more.
Today I reached my ledge –with work. I’m jumping. I quit. Jesus, catch me. I didn’t use wisdom, I used the wings you gave me, help me to fly.
Oh, kudos, vascular appointment number two came and went, and you know what? My arteries are clear. God confirmed it twice! He’s so amazing. Guess what else, at the end of the appointment, I looked over, and there it was… a ladybug tattoo on some random person’s arm! I knew Jesus placed that there for me. I find comfort in the signs he gives me. I know he walks with me.
I go for an MRI on my brain and inner ears on March 10th. Then on March 13th, I follow up with an ENT specialist to look primarily at a mass in my left mastoid. I personally think its fluid, it feels like fluid, but whatever it is Jesus has this and he has me. I won’t be shaken. —- I look forward to having this resolved and enjoying my summer with my family and rug rats while chasing rollercoasters, swimming pools, hot tubs, and long road trips.
But right now… I just need to let the almighty physician heal me. Mentally. Spiritually, and trust he also has me physically. He formed me. —
Darkness my friend, –We are breaking up.
Madness, –I’m madly in love with the healing my savior Jesus is bringing to me.
Light, –infiltrate me, pump life into my lungs that have been drown for so long. Resuscitate me. Bring me back to life, surround me with your presence, and never let me go. — Give me thy word, for thy word is life, with it I shall not stumble, but rather I’ll dance on the water and keep my eyes on the promises that lay just ahead.
I’m pressing into this revival that’s here. I want all Jesus has for me. —
I love you ❤
Jesus loves you most ❤
–Today after venting to my bff Sarah about the chaos at work and life in general, she sent something to me. I know it had to be at the hand of God–
When I arrived at the cliff in the valley, there was no room in my soul for fear, for I knew that God had brought me this far and He would still be with me. And though I am patiently waiting to see what miraculous thing He will do, I hold on to His promise “I know the plans I have for you”
It’s time for healing, time to move on
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
Time for a milestone, time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything, I surrender
Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly, something Heavenly
Time to breathe in and let everything out
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