For His Glory

IMPRESSSION: Findings compatible with stenosis in the 50-69% range in the right and left internal carotid arteries. REPORT SIGNED 1/23/23 at 5:21PM.

NARRATIVE: PROCEDURE-US CAROTID DOPPLER BILATERAL: 1/23/23

CLINICAL INFORMATION: bruit

COMPARISON: none

There is visible atheromatous calcified plaquing in the bilateral internal and common carotid arteries. Mildly elevated peak systolic velocity in the right internal carotid artery measures 130 cm/s. Elevated peak systolic velocity in the left internal carotid artery measures 138 cm/s.

Flow in the vertebral arteries is antegrade.

&.. Just like that my perfect little world came crashing down.

I sat at my desk holding back raw emotions, as I text my mom, and my doctor. I saw the results and I knew it didn’t sound good. I wanted to know the depth of what damage I had done to myself through years of careless living. While talking to the receptionist at the clinic, my heart raced, and my throat tightened.

Both my main arteries that pump the blood from heart to my brain were filled with plaque, good news it’s below 70%, I’ve not yet made it to stroke range, but I need to see a vascular specialist.

Here comes the wind & oh, how she blows havoc.

God,

I know you’re there. I’m only 37. I’m so young. I have my whole life to live. I have children. Please spare me. If you will spare me, I’ll do all that you tell me to do, and I’ll lay everything aside for you. I’ll stop being so covetous. I’ll stop the wasteless spending. I’ll seek you more, trust you more, pray more, and I’ll do all that you would for me to do. I beg you please extend my years like that of Hezekiah in the bible. Please Jesus, spare me. I need you. I don’t want to die. I’m not ready to go yet. I know I’ve been disobedient, but I’m begging you, while bargaining for my life, please let me live. I love you and I need you now. I’m willing to trust you. Just please spare me.

My brush of death came like a whirlwind, when I never saw it coming. My only symptoms were and are a blood pressure cuff feeling on my left arm, and pain in my left carotid artery. I’m stubborn, I’ve felt this for about a year or so, and I accepted it as vitamin D deficiency. After taking vitamin D supplements and getting no relief. I finally decided I had to know what was going on, and I began to pray about it, that’s when Jesus showed me. This can happen to anyone. Life is not to be played with. This is not a game that we are playing. We have one life to live, and I believe firmly in living life for the Lord. I believe everyone is given one Life. I believe in life others are given more chances than some, but no matter what, we are not to take these chances for granted. I believe I have taken many chances/prayers for granted. I believe I have wasted so much of God’s time doing what I wanted in my flesh instead of serving in my spirit, that he had to shake me. I believe this is not the end for me or for you. I Believe this is only the beginning and that victory will soon be here. We just have to hold on to what God has promised, and to what has been shown. I believe in Miracles, and I believe that I am a miracle.

I am scared. I am not shaken. What the enemy meant to shake me, Jesus is using to make me kneel and trust him. I do not like doctors or medicine. All in all, trust maybe one or two doctors and the same applies to medications. I just hate it. I’ve went from drug addict to anti medication all together. Hating on doctors/medicine is the dumbest thing ever for someone like me who is going to school to be a nurse or possibly more if Jesus tells me to go farther. It clashes, it doesn’t mix. I can’t tell you to take your medicine, if I’m like nope I am not touching it. Double standards. I can’t heal you metaphorically speaking if I don’t let Jesus heal me not metaphorically speaking.

He’s healing me.

I see it all around me.

Walls are breaking.

He’s teaching me to love, forgive, accept, and move forward with him.

I’ve tried to control him over the years. You can’t control God. No one can. We are to submit ourselves to him and let him alone lead our lives. We are to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to him. Precious are we in his sight, but another twist, is rebellious are we in his sight (Ouch. that one hurt.) Hi, I am rebellious. I like to do what I want, when I want, and when I get in trouble, I like to cry out, “Jesus, save me!”. It doesn’t work that way. Jesus loves us the way that we are, but he doesn’t want us to continue to be stiff-necked and stouthearted. He wants us humble, broken, polite, sincere, true, and kind. He wants us as we are but wants us to be made into who he’s called us to be. He wants to transform us from who we are and into who he is calling us to be. He can’t do that if we are always living life according to our own agenda. We have to lay our agenda aside and say, “Lord, not my will, but thy will, be done.”

Genesis 1:27– So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them

Matthew 6:10–Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven

What image is this. It’s the image Jesus portrayed when he walked the earth. Jesus was the son of God. He came to this earth being born of the virgin Mary. A holy seed placed within Mary’s womb by God the father, God the spirit, God the HOLY GHOST. He was God in the flesh. Jesus left the example for us to follow by how he carried/handled himself in everyday situations. Yet, he humbled himself in obedience by dying the death on the cross for us. When he was spit upon, he never lashed back. He kept his mouth shut. Most of us including me, would have been throwing arms. I can’t imagine the look on his face, as he looked at them with the love in his eyes. When I think about the rejection Jesus felt, I get this image of a child in my head. I see a child who has just been hurt by someone they love, possibly a parent, or friend. I see the feeling of rejection, but silence of brokenness upon the child’s face. My heart sinks and I think of my own babies. His love for us is so pure, he just wanted to be loved. He loves us beyond what we could ever fathom.

Hebrews 4:15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

He never riveled / fought back. He set the church in order. But he never lifted his hand to do harm to another.

John 1:14- And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth

Matthew 18:3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

I don’t know what you are going through today. But I do know Jesus has been pressing on me to write for some time now. I do know that you are going to be ok, and what was meant to break you is supposed to grow you, and make you grab ahold of him. I do know that Jesus loves you (and I’ll never stop telling you that, even if you end up hating me, I’ll still tell you Jesus loves you). I know Jesus is near in the fire, and he’s near in the darkness, and he’s near when the dawn begins to break.

I want to share this before I come to a close. I was praying the other day at the foot of my bed. As I was praying, I saw it flash before my eyes. I was in the wilderness/woods. It was dark. I could see the shadows of the tall dark trees all around, as I knelt to the ground beneath. It was as if I was praying there instead of at my bed. I glanced up and saw the dawn breaking over the horizon. —

Dawn is just a head. The pain will stop. You will have understanding. You will have closure. You will be set free.

As for me. I’m going to keep on following Jesus. I know he’s going to heal me. Since finding out the news I’ve stood in every prayer line I could. I know God is going to work a miracle on me. He is able to heal me without any procedures to clear my arteries, but even if he doesn’t, I will not fear. Just like the three Hebrew boys, My God is able, and but if he doesn’t, I still won’t surrender my faith, love and hope in him for anything the devil has to offer. Fear is not of God. Fear is a sin, and sin won’t have dominion over me! Jesus has dominion over me. —I know the 4th man, and he’s in this fire with me!!

Daniel 3: 16-18, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up ,

Daniel 3:24-25 Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astonished, and rose up in haste, and spake, and said unto his counsellors, Did not we cast three men bound into the midst of the fire? They answered and said unto the king, True, O king. He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.

Nebuchadnezzar/the Golden image= Fear

THE 4TH MAN = JESUS

I have God on my side, and so do you. You, just need to be obedient and listen to that still small voice and pray for his spirit to lead and guide you.

For the giggles– I am surrounded by cats. I now have 3 Siamese cats in my house. Owley is my baby. She’s named after my love of owls. Bug is a lovebug, He’s named after my love for ladybugs, and Callie is the newest member of this clan of kitties. She got her name from her odd coat reminding me of a calico, turns out she’s a snowshoe Siamese. No more cats for me until I get my RN license and splurge on a Savannah cat. (Jesus forgive me, I said no more covetousness, in my defense this isn’t more covetousness, its continuing covetousness, I’ve wanted one forever. A domesticated housecat that gets a big as medium dog, me want, me want!) Carry on ❤

I love you, ❤

Jesus loves you most! ❤

Don’t never fear, you have Jesus! ❤

God’s Got this, you just have to be patient. ❤

Christie ❤

It’s time for healing, time to move on It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long Time to make right what has been wrong It’s time to find my way to where I belong There’s a wave that’s crashing over me And all I can do is surrender Whatever You’re doing inside of me It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see. Time for a milestone, time to begin again Re-evaluate who I really am Am I doing everything to follow Your will Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills? So show me what it is You want from me I give everything, I surrender Time to face up, clean this old house Time to breathe in and let everything out That I wanted to say for so many years Time to release all my held back tears. Whatever You’re doing inside of me It feels like chaos but now I can see This is something bigger than me Larger than life, something Heavenly, something Heavenly– Sanctus Real