Beautiful Disaster

Waking up at 4 am when you’re sick, ugh! Sleep why have you left me? Oh yeah, I forgot, it was that 8pm bedtime yesterday. Two Tylenol, later, while waiting on 7am antibiotics, lets write.

This title was on me this morning. Jumping on YouTube to hear the beautiful Kelly Clarkson, —Memories of a Childhood, / past life representation flood my mind. Let me say this, I love Kelly Clarkson, and in my opinion she’s probably the most iconic American Idol there has been and next there is the lovely Carrie Underwood, (up for debate, yes, but I won’t argue, I’ll admit I don’t know any of the others, I’m not a TV person, unless you’re talking NEWS, SONIC the Hedgehog, and Super Mario, I’m pretty sure the last 2 are video games, so you get my point…) I love music, TV is too out there and consuming, and I get convictions, so I don’t watch it.

So how could a simple phrase like “Beautiful Disaster” apply to me, or you? I’ll tell you how. That’s how I feel at times, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

If people could only see the pain, I mask. If people could only see the mental head game of me battling Satan with every breath in me. I feel like I’m in one of those old school Kung Fu video games, you know the ones on Super Nintendo, where you can’t move backwards, or side to side, but only forward, and the ninja dudes are coming in all directions and all you have is a Katana, and you’re whipping that thing in all directions, slaying the enemy. round one complete, here comes round 2 there’s twice as many ninjas now, it’s never ending. In the video games as a child, I’d always get tired and stop playing but this war I’m in, I’ll never stop fighting, though I be tired and weak, I will not stop fighting.

Who am I fighting for? Myself, my family, my best friend and her family, YOU! and everyone else who’s path I’ll cross or that my blogs will cross paths with.

You see I walk with Jesus. He’s my armor, he’s my shield, he’s my anchor in these storms. I sway, I go back and forth, I beg God, please just let me catch my breath, (and he does) but its right back to the battlefield. I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a seashore, with my fist held up, screaming at the storm and raging waves telling them to take me if they can. While they roar, my spirit roars even stronger.

I know my maker. His name is Jesus. And he tells me in his word:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man, God is faithful, and he will not allow you to be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

A new commandment that I give unto you, “That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. ~ John 13: 34-35

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. ~ Ecclesiastes 12:13

While studying God’s word during my lunch break yesterday, (yes, I’ve had to work while sick, fast forward). I came across John 13:34-35, and I’m sure I’ve read these verses before but this time they stood out to me differently and I began to think upon them for a few minutes, pondering the meaning “to love like Jesus“. How exactly did Jesus love us, how exactly does Jesus love us now?

Jesus Died for us, while we were yet sinners, he gave his life for us, as a ransom, to pay for all of our sins, because he knew that was a debt that we could never pay. He was human, he lived it, and he knew what it was like to suffer as a mortal being. He understood all the temptation, the indulgence, the ungratefulness that we would possess in our hearts at times, and the anger that rages within us, and let us not forget our lashing out. He knew that we are just physically uncapable of holding back because the pain is so bad at times, he knew because he experienced it and he was the only one who remained spotless and sinless, while experiencing life as we / he knew it. You don’t believe me? His word tells me he was tempted and remained sinless, and he’s able to give assistance or aid during such hardships.

 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.~ Hebrews 4:15

 For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted ~ Hebrews 2:12

Continuing on, while meditating upon the way that Jesus loves us, he gave us an example to follow when he washed out feet. Feet symbolize the dirtiest part of man, the hidden part, the hidden sin that lays deep within our hearts. The washing of the feet symbolizes cleansing of that dirty part, the part that has to be cleansed before we can have a part with Jesus. Jesus humbled himself and got on our level and washed feet as a servant. How many of us do that nowadays? I don’t. Not always. I’m so caught up, not selfish, but I’m so busy that it’s hard for me to stretch much farther than my inner circle, much less the outer circle. The part about being a disciple, we are to reach not only the inner circle, but also the outer circle, you know that big smelly fish that lays on the bottom of the oceans pit, the unsavable, even those are savable, by reaching out to them. We may see them as dirty and hard to get to, but Jesus sees them as beautiful and worthy, and chances are you and I both were a big smelly fish at some point, at least in someone else eye (even if they won’t admit to it).

Jesus Healed us. How do we heal people? Again, we reach out and let them know they are not alone. We let them know they are loved by the master, and by us, we give them an ear to listen, we give them sound advice, with gentle words, softly speaking the words of our savior to them. We can tell people who we are without beating them with a bible, and I assure you, you won’t get many people to come to Jesus if you’re busy judging them, when you yourself aren’t so flawless. Boy let me tell you, you want flaws, I can give you hundreds, but my Jesus, he’s not a flaw, through him I’m an overcomer, and I’m flawless under the blood and in spirit, but in my flesh, shew.. yeah. I am my own worst critic, drumroll here…

How else did Jesus love us? He left us direction, – he shows us how to follow him in his word. I know his word, his word, his word, I keep saying it, but we need it. I don’t read like I should but when he tosses me a nugget, I’m telling you it’s the best ever, and like with my nuggets, the more you or I read the more nuggets we’ll get. He tells us how we should walk, and talk, he tells us about modesty, He tells us about a life that not only transforms us, but that will also transform the lives of others when we live it in front of them.

Jesus listens, he corrects, and he gentle. Just like when we correct our children, sometimes he’ll correct us. Believe me chastisement from our Lord is for our well-being, it’s there when we get out of line. It doesn’t always feel good, and unlike us or our own children, we can’t turn around so easily with our tongue stuck out and our fingers to our ears saying do it again, it didn’t hurt.

For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receives. Hebrews 12:6

I’m almost finished, I promise, but how else does Jesus show us that he loves us? By showing us how to act in the face of our enemies. He’s humble.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. Isaiah 53:7

Again, we are human, and I know it’s easy to lose our cool, especially when people are rude to our face, to our kids, family or friends, or when we watch an innocent person fall victim to someone else uncalled for arrogance. But what about the simple fact that we to wake up on the wrong side of the bed at times, are just grumpy in ourselves, and our families, friends, loved ones, or simple strangers get the butt end of our attitude? It happens. What do you do? It’s simple, you ask Jesus for forgiveness, and ask him to help you, sometimes I need this daily, I love everyone but grrr…

Now back to the beautiful disaster part, and how does that play into all this? I’ll tell you. We are the Lords Beautiful Disaster. We are his masterpiece. We are made in his very image. This world is going to knock us down, beat us up, leave us feeling less than human, but remember Jesus overcame the world and so can we and will we!

Our brokenness is for his glory, he wants to glue us back together the way we were originally meant to be, and it’s the world that broke us not Jesus. Just like he freely died for us, we have free will to follow after him. The world will always break us as some point, even if you’re self-made, you’ll break, we were born with a God size whole in our hearts that only Jesus himself can fill.

Last night I had a dream, well 2 of them actually, one of them I was in a race, and I was going so fast, that my racecar came unplugged, and it started a fire. The other one, I remember lounging in front of a someone who was doing an interview on me, I remember telling this person my ex stripped me of everything but my dignity, and then I began to flip through a magazine and my most favorite flower was in there, it was lilies, all sorts of colors and types, even the calla lily that looks like a blub, able to catch all of heavens tears as they fall from the sky. Then I remember my best friend being there, and me saying I prayed for years for her, and then God gave her to me, and that it was all a part of his plan. Then I remember the person doing the interview timed me out because the interview was over. Then I woke up.

Let me tell you this. When I write my blogs, my goal is to tell you about Jesus, and his mercy and grace, and how he can transform your life if you just let him. It’s to let you know that life happens and the unexplained happens to everyone. I know it’s not always in the same context as others, but we have Jesus who’s always there for us, holding us, and its ok if you don’t want to be held, he’s right there, waiting for you.

My blogs are designed to let you know you are not alone, and that I am always here for you, even if I am slow to respond. As a recovered addict, who’s lost it all, but gained my reason for breathing and pressing on, I know this life isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Simply because, well “JESUS”

I just want to make it home to him someday, and I want to lead as many people to him as I can. We are begotten and kept by his word. And if we don’t get it in us, we will believe anything. you think life is crazy now, just wait, it will get worse.

❤ I love you all, remember Jesus loves you most!

Email me and reach out to me! I am eagered to hear from people.

Just for giggles, I bought a small motion sensor owl at family dollar yesterday for $1. I placed it on top of Danny’s Coffee Pot, now every time we walk past it, it goes “Hoo, Hoo” I absolutely love it.!, and so far he’s not moved it or turned it off, and Chloe hasn’t destroyed it either.

❤ Christie

2 responses to “Beautiful Disaster”

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