Four-hour naps make for 3am writings.
Here I am God. You and me. My computer, my hands, your leadership, bring it out. Bring out the fire within me, bring out the pain, bring out the words, use it for your gain. Whatever you see fit, put it to words, God I’m your willing vessel, I’m the canvas, you’re the pen, I’m your servant, and I know you live within.
I’m struggling. I’m trying not to complain. Instead, I’ll just vent.
I’m broken beyond words. Some things just don’t measure up. I know there’s patience when the trying of our faith is pushed beyond the limits, and when boundaries are crossed, that don’t involve a finish line. I know there is patience in your eyes that is valued as more precious than Gold, but God this don’t feel good. This doesn’t feel comfortable, so what sounds like me complaining is really me crying out in despair.
I’m reminded through song in this late hour that you know my name and every step that I take. You know every tear that I cry, and when I’m overwhelmed, and you remind me that even though I can’t see the light of day, that I’ll be just fine. –Well, this doesn’t feel fine. This is one of the toughest battles I’ve gone through, but I feel you whispering that victory has gone from being on the horizon to within my presence. I can’t feel it. I must still be numb, but again you’re telling me, “My child you’re going to be just fine. Because I know your name, and you are called according to my purpose, and in order to get to the finest of wines, the grapes must first pass through a winepress, and be pressed beyond measure, and before diamonds are formed under pressure. You are more valuable in my eyes than you know, and this pain is only temporary. Serve your purpose with gladness of heart, and be happy in me, and I in ye, for I know your pain, I see you cry, and it’s me you seek in the midnight hours when all are asleep, when no one awake. It’s me you look to take your pain away. When none can comfort it’s me that you turn to, and when no comfort comes, you still press on. Remember weeping endureth for a moment, but joy cometh in the morning, its written in my Word and I am not a God that can lie. I am a consuming fire, and I shall consume ye, and all that ye come across, shall know that I am in thee, and thee are in me. For I have chosen you to rise for this very occasion and ye are not under any condemnation, but you are under pressure, pressure to break, pressure to fold, but remember it’s me that you are holding on to, it’s not you that is walking, but it’s me that is carrying you. For I love thee beyond words, and my plans to restore thee are at hand, you only have to open your heart and let me in to the darkest parts that say for I am not good enough, for I am not worthy. I thought ye worthy when I died for you, and I thought thee good enough for I died for you. So, continue to speak to the dry bones in the valley and continue to speak to the mountains, and say with full assurance that everything ye are speaking shall soon come to past, for I am walking in the midst of the. I’m about to send the latter rain. I’m about to dry your tears, I’m about to make ye happy, I’m about to move.
I’ll be quite honest, I don’t even know what was just written, I myself will have to go back and read all that. At that moment above I offered myself, and as I began to stumble, I said I can’t and was told to put my hands back on the keyboard so I listened.
I know a few things about me that I can tell you,
- I’ve been broken. I’ve been broken most of my years, if you go back and read my other blogs you’ll realize the brokenness has been there since childhood. But I’ve always knew that Jesus was present. But I don’t confess to be anything except his child, and I confess to wondering in the desert for so long that I’ve gotten to where I wonder if he’s even there.
- I know that I am being made whole. I know that my redeemer lives. And even though I’ve been numb for sometime now, he’s showing me that he’s still there. Even though loving is one of the hardest things for me to do, he’s showing me that his love for me is relentless, and it’s worth everything in this life. He’s showing me its ok to love again, beginning with loving him, and accepting his love towards me.
- I know my heart’s desire is to lead others like myself to Jesus. The broken ones, the drug addicts, the lost, the prodigals, the ones who have wondered just a little bit too far from Jesus (but not quite backslidden), the ones who feel like they’re hopeless. The ones who struggle with wondering is God real (been there done that a whole different blog; example when I was younger, I even dabbled in the occult world of fairies) It’s my heart’s desire to see God move in this lost world. It’s my heart’s desire to see people turn back to Jesus with full assurance that he’s with them no matter what. — And the only way I can do this is to have lived it.
As I bring this blog to a close, I speak to all the dry bones in the valleys, its time to come alive, I speak over the dry bones and say arise, I speak it. I speak it out loud, I say with authority. Jesus says its time. Its time to trust again, its time to breathe again, for he’s going to breathe breath back into you.
❤ I love you
❤ Jesus loves you most & he paid it all for you!!
❤ Christie. Forever his, Forever Chosen
” ❤ I’m tired, I’m worn, my heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve let my hope fail, my soul feels crushed by the weight of this world. And I know that you can give me rest. So, I cry out with all that I have left. — ❤ Let me see redemption win, let me know the struggle ends. That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn. I want to know the sun can rise from the ashes of a broken life, and all that’s dead inside can be reborn. Cause I’m worn. ❤ — I need to life my eyes up, but I’m to weak, life just won’t let up. And I know that you can give me rest, so I cry out with all that I have left. My prayers are wearing thin, I’m worn even before the day begins, I’ve lost my will to fight. So Heaven come and flood my eyes. — ❤ Cause I’m worn ❤ –Tenth Avenue North “Worn, Lyrics”
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