For His Glory

Sometimes, I’m followed. But that’s ok. You following me has been one of the greatest blessings in my life, you following me, has been the sweetest calms in the biggest and most raging storms of all my days. I praise God for my followers, and I thank him for gracing me with your presence. Jesus knows I needed this or I would have never held on. He’s used you to even help me hold to him in my darkest of dark days, and I know he’ll continue to use you even if my dark days get pitch black, or turn snow white. — Though I never knew any of you, apart of my heart will always care and appreciate all the help you have given me, and even if the signs stop appearing, I’ll be forever changed by the experience of Hope and faith, I’ve been given though my Journey with the Lord, and how he’s used all of you to mold me when I’ve been coming undone, and being made whole — Thank you so much.

Meet Chloe – I got a feral kitten about 7 months ago and named him lucky, little did I know God was going to use Lucky to lead me to her.. Lucky was feral and too mean for the inside, so I decided to go on a quest for a kitten for Lucky, a buddy, a mate. While scrolling through Facebook looking for a Siamese looking kitten, I randomly came across this post with a white kitten, named “Chloe”, the owner was wanting to rehome her. Initially her looks stood out, then I saw her name and knew the Lord was speaking to me again. I contacted the owner immediately and asked if she was serious, because she was so pretty. She had this glow about her. Sure enough, she was serious and we made plans for me to pick her up the following day after I got off work.

Lucky meeting Chloe didn’t go so well, Lucky got meaner, and was even more feral, so I had to place him outside, where he quickly adapted and is no longer feral (for the most part.)..

Chloe on the other hand was different, she stood out. She was calm, non-aggressive, and had this personality that drew you in. Everyone that comes to my house loves Chloe, her looks are adorable but she’s soft paws. She doesn’t sink her claws into you. She’ll play and act like she’s eating you up, but in reality she’s only hugging you with her paws and not using claws to dig in (unless you have pork rinds, yeah she’ll eat you for those, and tear into my garbage if she smells them ❤ )

At first it was, you’re not getting in the bed with me, less than a week later, and from there on out she like to sleep with me and wake me up about 3am every morning just letting me know she’s there and purring in my face, that’s her routine. I can count on Chloe. Usually I respond with “I love you too Chloe, but I gotta work and you gotta lay down.” Sometimes, she even decides to lay on my chest, or just sleep at my feet.

Eli loves Chloe, they’re best friends, she’s his buddy, but my Baby. I could have searched the whole world over and never found another like her. She’s perfect. The right about of spunk, and the right amount of Sugars.

These past few months have really been the hardest for me, spiritual battle after spiritual battle, attack after attack. I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but sometimes I just wonder when I’ll catch a break.

The morning after starting my blogs on here, all hell broke lose in my house (coincidence, I think Not!) I got so upset, I was ready to lose it all, and throw in the towel, and say No More, and Lights out. (let me tell you, I’m a warrior for Christ, for me to be ready to say that, know the storm was rough, and if I hadn’t came out of one almost as bad as that a few days earlier, I wouldn’t have survived this one.).. Never the less, I blocked a few of my closest of friends, my ride or dies, and said thank you, and they went to praying. — I went to my bedroom, with my airpods and Ipod, and these songs started playing that I hadn’t heard before. I’m a gospel music buff. I love the old hymns, but I also love the new stuff too. I just love Jesus music. Did you know they also had dance fit, Jesus music? Let me tell you, me and these thunder thighs of mine are all for that. ❤

Sailing back to my story, during this storm of storms, after I went to my bedroom, the spiritual, and emotional pain was so bad that it became a physical ache in my body. I quickly became balled up, holding my knees tight to my chest, crying my eyes out, wishing I was dead, while hiding myself in the floor on the side of my husbands bed.– I was paralyzed, I couldn’t move, I didn’t want to move. My husband had just told me he wished that dream would come true, what dream you ask? The one that the Lord showed my sister in Christ, and my 6 year old son that I was going to die, by me going in the water and never coming back out. I will not pretend to be a perfect little Christian, he cut me deep, and I retaliated, but not with words that harsh, I’m mean but I’m not that mean. My husband wished me dead. & I was going to give it to him, as soon as I picked myself up from questioning God why me while, being helpless in the floor. –

Then here came Jesus and Chloe.- ❤ Weary Traveler by Jordan St. Cyr started playing in my ears. First the lyrics started standing out to me, I Knew Jesus was speaking to me.. “Weary traveler, Beat down from the storms that you have weathered. Feels like this road might go on forever, Carry on. You keep on giving, But every day this world just keeps on taking. Your tired heart is on the edge of breaking. Carry on. Weary Traveler, restless soul, you were never meant to walk this road alone. It will all be worth it, so just hold on. Weary traveler, you wont be weary long.” – ; Chloe also positioned her self in my lap, my legs now stretched out on the floor so she could get comfy, and she was super loveable, and carried a calm in her that stood out to me, almost as though she was sent to pet on me, instead of me petting on her. You see, during this time of the day the kitten in her usually comes out ,she’s still in that adolescence stage; but not this day, She was my peace, I needed Chloe this day. A shift came upon my heart so strong, I knew I had to tell my friends I was ok, and I knew then God had more for me, so I dusted myself off, and went to church, remembering what Jesus had just done for me, and praising him all the way.

I don’t know what my future holds, but I know the one who holds my future. I know I can trust him in my darkest of times, and I refuse to be silent about what Jesus does for me. He is my story and he is my song. I’ll be praising my savior all my days long..

As for Chloe, I’ve placed my Christmas tree up, and before I could get anything on it, she made her way into it. Heaven help me, the tree will go before she goes. ❤ ❤ ❤

I love you all, & remember Jesus loves you Most.

❤ Christie

Do you ever sit and think:

I know Jesus loves you, and I know that he’ll forgive you but he can’t possibly do the same for me? ; I’m just too bad for him to love and for him to forgive. ; Do you ever say “I know his word applies to you, but it can’t possibly apply to me, I’m to far gone, and I mess up so much and I’m impossible to love.

Since giving my heart to Jesus in January 2017, I have struggled with accepting his love for me.

I know my salvation and repentance was real.

In one of the many unstable parts of my marriage, the devil offered me everything that had a name. A man in uniform (Army Boy), sex, laughter, fun-times, someone who loved and lusted after my body, and someone who was my age. I was beginning to question the very foundation of my marriage, and why I said my vowels, and the direction my life was taking. I was still on drugs at the time, and was lost in an unknown world that was eating me alive. I was fixing to walk out on another child because of my fleshly Misery. But that’s when Jesus stepped in.

While questioning what Daddy would want from me, (I had questions that needed answers, ones only a Daddy could give.) God sent me helpers, and they began to feed me the anointed word of God, you see these were Holy Ghost filled Christians. They had the goods to back up their spirit, they were filled with Jesus himself, and they radiated. I’ll never forget my first true encounter with him, I was talking to a friend and all I could do was cry. She even said “Christie, you’re going to have to get control over yourself.( I literally cried every time I talked to her).. Next thing I know what came out of my mouth was “Jessie you don’t understand, I feel God with you.”.. Jesus was so present in her life that he radiated from her, and I was drawn to him through her. She became my vent, she became my friend, but she never swayed from his words, and his direction. When I was seeking direction from my daddy, I got directions from my Father.

Christmas 2016 came and went, I had more dreams, even a few startling ones that shook my heart, not knowing why things were happening and why I was seeing stuff, I got scared.– But Jesus kept pressing and showing me stuff. And he kept his presence near me. I remember the Army boy coming in for a visit, and buddy was it fun, but it wasn’t me. I knew it but my flesh was like “freedom”. My spirit was like, “misery, madness, chaos, and you’ll never be satisfied, there’s more, ask him about God.” I remember even asking him about what God wanted from me because Jesus was drawing me in already. – He didn’t know what to tell me because he wasn’t saved. He spoke from his flesh.

January 2017 came like a rocket, I was at a very trivial state of mind, lost in a world of what If’s, living in sin and adultery, I was miserable, I hated life, I wanted to go on to be with my Daddy again,. But My Jesus stepped in.. My husband was leaving one morning to do something, maybe go to a doctor. We wasn’t really speaking, but we were married and had Eli together, so we had to have some kind of verbal words here and there.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Eli had made a mess in the floor with books, he was barely a year and a half old, and Danny was picking them up, and he picked up the bible and started to put it up, and told him ” I was going to read that bible, but I’ll just read Daddy’s bible instead” — I kid you not I never thought to read the bible, Jesus had already gotten ahold of me. Danny left, and it was me and the baby and Jesus at my house.

I remember pulling out my bible, and looking up everything on Salvation and repentance in the concordance and reading these bible verses out loud with snot and tears flowing my face, and it was then I asked the Lord to Forgive me and to Save me,– & just like that John 3:3 & John 3:5 came alive to me. It was though I had died and was born again in my living room floor. -I remember telling my friend “I’ll see you on the other side”.

Then it clicked, God wanted me to stay married to my husband, but for what reason, I was miserable and sometimes still am. — For his glory. To lead him to him.

Its been almost 5 years, I still struggle with accepting the Love of Christ I felt the day I got saved, I struggle with being that same changed person, I struggle with his direction for me. I’m unhappy with my fleshly life, and I hate it so bad at times. But if God be for me who can be against me.

The past year has been the most difficult year in my marriage, not only with my husband but with my Marriage to that Spotless Lamb of God Jesus my savior. I’m just not happy, I’ve waited and waited and feel forgotten at times, but every time I’m close to letting go, god speaks and reminds me of his promises, giving me reasons to hold on. I’ll see signs that go by, names appear, I’ll see quotes on facebook, or hear a random song that tells me to hold on a little longer.

My last 3 months have been the hardest, details only few know, but God is still here. For months I didn’t even feel him, but because of those promises, I still held on to Jesus. He gave me hope through those promises, he gives me reason to hold on through those promises, he gives me the ability to breath when I see signs of the promises. I take a deep breath and let in flow out.

The last month I’ve been shaken to my very foundation, mentally, physically, and spiritually the enemy has fought me tooth and nail, trying to kill me out. – I’m still holding on, and when I was to the point of backsliding, he God sent me angels, and my church family.

The last 2 weeks I was delivered what I call the separator in my marriage, (the lowest of low blows) but I’ve held on. And in the midst of all this Jesus is showing me songs, and the lyrics are beginning to speak to me, he’s sent people to pray for me, and he’s having me pray for people that keep flooding back that I keep shutting out. I’ve started a new job in my career as a CNA where the signs are all around me. Names are appearing more often, I see owls, butterflies, and ladybugs daily, all pointing to God’s promises are close at hand.

I’ve felt the presence of the Lord for the past 3 or 4 days so strong and mightily in me, and around me and its the most humbling experience I’ve ever felt. I thought I was forgotten and that he didn’t love me because its been 5 years of pain and agony of not being in love or feeling loved by a spouse whom I only feel like a trophy wife to, (I’m no trophy, I’m mean and can be so hateful at times. I work constantly, and barely home to help with the house, then I get wild hairs up my butt and clean all day). When I’m home I want to sit down and just vent to my music. — I love my kids so much, they’re my little terrorist. They like to push buttons and then laugh in my face only to see me turn red, and me bust out laughing because I can’t stay mad long. I’m an example to them, and they see me as their best-friend. They’re my comedians, my pride and my pain. They’re my all-stars. —

God’s been speaking and showing me he’s closer now than ever. He’s nigh unto the broken hearted and I know now he’s now nigh unto me. Accepting the Love that Jesus has to offer me is the best thing I’ve ever done, allowing myself to take a backseat to my marriage, and not worry about anything but the Lord, and his grace and love is the best thing I could have done. —

Love is a choice, Jesus loved us when were the most un-loveable, he loves us when we turn our backs on him, and he loves us when we say God not right now.

Today, and forever, I chose to soak up the Love of Jesus, I accept that he is for me, and that I have work for Jesus to do.. And I chose to show it to those who are the most un-lovable because often I’ve been the most unlovable to the one who died for me.

Accepting his love is the hardest, but feeling his love is the greatest.

❤ Christie

“Dear Father God in the name of Jesus Christ, please forgive me of my sins that I’ve made today, that my prayers be not hindered.” — Nightly, and sometimes twice daily I pray this prayer, because I stumble.

I stumble at following Jesus through and through. I stumble at trusting an everlasting god and creator. I stumble and realizing I’m loved and understood beyond measure by the one who hang the moon in the sky, the creator of our universe. I stumble at accepting that no matter how much I try to run from him, that his love is relentless for me. I stumble with accepting that Jesus is for me, (I know he’s for you, but knowing he’s for me, yeah that’s a big deal.). I stumble at knowing he’s with me in all my fires of life, and that his love will be my shield until my work here is done. I stumble with accepting Grace instead of wrath. I stumble with knowing he choses to give me grace instead of wrath. I stumble with forgiving myself so he can fully forgive me.

Today I stumble.

Proverbs 24:16 -For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again; but the wicked shall fall into mischief.

Psalm 30:5-For his anger endureth but for a moment, in his favour is life, weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

But…Tomorrow, I shall rise.. simply because Jesus lives ❤ ❤ <3.