Still Holding On

I’ve been beat down, broke down, pushed down, dragged down, thrown down, put down, placed down, and knocked down.

But Jesus who holds my right-hand lifts me back up!

2021 was the year of years for me. I lived out the book of Ecclesiastes to the fullest. I enjoyed life, sought after and ran after material, and worldly possessions. Seeking pleasure in the world and getting the fulfillment in my flesh. I searched out the world and found that it was all vain. I searched out what was the depth and height and the weight of the world. &. in the end I was left with want.

My soul was vexed beyond measure, my soul was in lack. After obtaining all the worldly possessions I could possibly want, I was still empty inside.

There was left a God size hole that only Jesus could fill.

The past 4-5 years I’ve been partially serving Jesus. I’ve been chasing after him for worldly promises. I’ve been selling the one short, who paid it all for me. You see in this world he doesn’t have to promise us anything, he paid it all. In this world, he doesn’t have to give us anything, when he himself already gave it all.

He paid the price for you and I to enter into heaven, that alone should have been enough for me to say ok Jesus you are my all in all. But it wasn’t. I served him in hopes of my family coming in, my mother and sister being saved, and several other reasons.

I’d read and study here and there, and still never fully gave Jesus all that he deserved and all that he wanted, which was simply my heart, my love, my devotion, my thoughts, my selfish ambitions, my desires, and my if you do this for me then I’ll do that for you thoughts. I served him in hopes of gain.

That’s not right, and that’s a major fault on my behalf. That’s hypocritical, and I’m the first to point the fingers and say I was in the wrong.

Recently, Jesus has allowed me to go into the dark. He’s allowed me to go into a place I never wanted to go into, into darkness and blackness. That empty abyss, where only time, emptiness, loneliness, void, absence, begging, pleading, broken promises, sin, greed, hatefulness, lust, adultery, idolatry, uncleanness, lasciviousness’, wrath, strife, sedition, heresies, and every other thing that is contrary to the word of God exist. Jesus allowed me to go where he wasn’t, so I’d realize what I needed.

He’s brought true meaning to the verses in the bible Isaiah 55:8-9–“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts, and Lamentations 3:22-23 –The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies and never come to an end, they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Jeremiah 29:11–For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans not to harm you, and plans to give you hope and a future. Psalms 139:17-18–How precious to me are your thoughts, how great is the sum of them, if I could count them, they are more than the number of grains of sand. I awake and you’re still with me. Esther 4:14–Perhaps I was made for such as time as this.

As, I look and meditate upon how far Jesus has brought me, and how much he has delivered me from, and the above verses, I now boldly say: JESUS YOU ARE ENOUGH. It’s you that’s been with me, and that the end of this life, I will not remember anything except for you. And that alone is enough to make me say “JESUS I SURRENDER.” Take my life and make it as you would have it. Take my hand lord, and lead me, and I’ll follow you. I don’t know what you’re doing, and I’m sorry, I’m sorry for all my sin, I’m sorry for all my short comings, and I’m sorry for following you in vain, and for gain. You alone are enough. You tell me that when you make the new heavens and the new earth that all former things will pass away, and I won’t remember them, but you don’t tell me anywhere that I’ll forget you. So, God I pray each and every day that you are my head, and I, even if all I am is your feet, God, direct my steps. I’ll follow. Through it all you will remain. People may come and go, but you will forever remain. I thank you for saving me and setting me free. I thank you Jesus for loving me and dying for me!

&.. Guess what Satan! –You and your plans of destruction, Jesus has used for his good, he’s turned it for his purpose and for glory. You have no authority over me, Jesus has the final say over me. I am Forgiven, I have forgiven myself, I rebuke thee in the name of Jesus. I speak not with my authority but with the authority that has been placed in me when he called my name, I am loved beyond measure, I am chosen, I am his. In Jesus is my breathe and in Jesus is my life. He holds me, he comforts me. and he loves me.


Jesus-Has won; Me -has perfect peace; Satan-under my feet!

❤ I love you

❤ Jesus loves you most

❤ Christie

You might not recognize me now, Those chains that once surrounded me are laying on the ground; you can’t keep digging up my past, you may have had a laugh or two but you don’t get the last. Maybe I was blind but now I see, maybe I was bound but now I’m free. If you want scars I’ll show you scars, all the wounds upon the hands of light that pierced the dark. If I were you, I’d be afraid, cause everything you meant for guilt the cross has met with grace, Oh, I think it’s time you met my maker, I think it’s time you remember. Satan, this is where I say farewell, Satan this is where you go on back to hell! YOU’RE UNDER MY FEET!!!!” Zach Williams-Under My Feet

One response to “Still Holding On”

  1. chattingaboutgod Avatar

    Your weaknesses are mine, to truly repent without regret, Godly sorrow, I’ll pray for you, pray for me too
    God Bless


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