For His Glory

I am Ok.

I am doing good, and I have God on my side.

I’d like to fill you in on all the details, but I will only write what the Lord wills me to write, again I refuse to lead myself, and I always pray prior to writing. Lord lead, me to do thy will, and to hear what the spirit has to say. I always pray, he takes over and leads me.

Today, was eventful. —

I left home about 8:30AM arriving at my mom’s house around 8:45AM and leaving for Lexington about 9:10AM. My arrival time was set for 12:00PM, with surgery scheduled to being at 2pm, however while stopping and getting gas, the hospital called and said they were able to get me in sooner. I proceeded to tell them, I live about three hours away and 12:00PM was the best I could do. With that being said, the Journey began.

The trip down to the hospital was topsy turvy. I had a presence of peace on me that surpassed all peace. I had God’s presence with me, Jesus himself was in my midst. I could feel him. I was nervous to say the least, but I still had peace.

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

Here comes the topsy part; one minute I was up, the next minute I was down. One minute I knew Jesus had me, the next minute I knew he still had me, but I was worried about all the wrongs I had done in my past that went against his word. I know people mess up daily, but I am also aware (not to be a know it all) (again I type how he gives it) How a tree falls so shall it rise. If we fall in sin, or without JESUS in our hearts, we will go hell. Even Christians can go to hell, why because they take wrong turns and get entangled on the wrong path, following the world, and deterring away from the ways of the Lord. When he says to not do something he means it. — This part, I’ll eat myself, (I always preach to myself and reread these blogs, so I eat them myself before posting for anyone else) Which brings me to this part, That do not fear and unbelieving part in the bible refers to me. I fought fear to hell and back today. The nerves were normal, but the fear, I rebuke that in the name of Jesus, and today, I prayed my way through it, while freaking out in the process.

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death (Revelations 21:8)

I’ll elaborate further.

When I got to the hospital, the turvy came.

While registering in the surgery waiting area, upstairs called to make sure I was arriving, boy was they waiting and ready for me. Jesus please slow time down, I’m not ready, but you are, and they are. I know you are going to heal me through this, but I’m not ready, nevertheless, not my will but thy will.

Arm band on, time to go upstairs to pre-opt. I can’t breathe, I do not want this, Jesus why.

Inside the pre-op room, the process started moving fast. They began asking me a hundred required precautionary questions. Are you allergic to this med or that med? Are you pregnant? When was the last time you ate, and have you ever had any issues with anesthesia?

And my mouth begins to open! (You can roll your eyes)

I told the anesthesiologist that I didn’t want his drugs and I asked them if they could gas me like a turkey? I was crying, fearful, and pouting, and I asked my mom to have the surgery for me. I further told my mom that if it wasn’t for her bringing me, I would have bailed out of it. I still felt Jesus telling me to let him have his way, but I made sure those doctors felt me and my concerns as well as my fears, tears, and country holler fed mouth. They asked me what I was so scared of, and I told them, your drugs; I do not want them, and I’m scared they’ll stop me from breathing and I am scared I won’t see my son again. I just wanted to see Eli’s face. FYI, the anesthesiologist informed me, that they’d stop my breathing in the back and take over breathing for me. Mentally, I was thinking excuse me, buddy here I am freaking out and you’re telling me you’re going to stop my breathing, way to go buddy. Later I found out, my mom was beside me shaking her head, like shut up, don’t tell her that, but verbally she kept her words to herself, I’m thinking I was blabbing enough. The doctor himself came in and asked what I was so scared of, and I explained those drugs, and he proceeded to tell me, I had gone through rougher surgeries in my past under Dr, Jones, gosh, love his personality too, he told me I could not tell him how to do his job. – yes, I rolled my eyes, these doctors pretty much told me to suck it up, they couldn’t force me to do it, but it needed to be done. I’m pretty sure I told them, I’m just worried, I’d get over it. while grumbling the whole time, crying my eyes out. They walked out, and was ready to take me back, I’m like no wait a minute! I need to talk to my husband and kid. (Eli was asleep when I left and I hadn’t saw his pretty face yet, and I told Danny I’d call him back, and I hadn’t never let him know I was at the hospital). First, I got my friend Jessica to call me, (she’s special, the Lord used her to lead me to him, and she’s my helper in Jesus, while I am your witness, she is my helper- I don’t know what the difference is, but it is what it is). She called and I told her I’m scared I won’t wake up, I gave her the spill I gave the doctors, her prayer was soothing, but little ole me was still frantic, next I called Danny, I could see the nurses walking back and forth like hurry up, while acting as patient as can be with me. Seeing Eli lit up my eyes, my precious boy, who loves me more than the sky is blue, I just don’t want to leave you alone without a mom, God he’s already loss so much with losing his brother and sister (please bring them back soon—> I’m rambling) just hearing him talk to me made me cry some more, I told him I’d be ok and that I had Jesus on myside. Saying and believing are two different things but today, I and every day from here on out I refuse to believe anything less than what Jesus says to me, I am his child, and he is for me. OH, and Danny too I knew he was worried for me, and he loves, and I’ve fought too long for his soul to stop fighting now. The war has only begun. I knew it was time to get off the phone and get the show on the road. I motioned for the nurse, and the little man with the fuddy duddy drugs, it was show time!

Fear lets fight!

Rock and roll,

Jesus holds my life in his hands, and I surrender to him, not to you!

I’ll never bow to you, and I’ll forever bow before Jesus. He is for me, not against me, and he has my back, even in the fire, floods, rain, wind and hailstorms, he has me. —

Praying while the meds go in, this stuff isn’t phasing me. –maybe a little, but not like I expected it to, and no anaphylaxis, take that devil! (Spit in face like a boxer) You can’t cross the bloodline.

They push me out, I see an exit, and tell them, you can just take me to my car if you want. – I got to pee. Can I go pee? That didn’t work, they gracefully informed me it was my nerves, that I had just peed right before that.

OPERATING ROOM.

I scooted over to the operating table and started to pray. I prayed and prayed and prayed and talked to Jesus. That’s when I first saw it. AN IRON CLAD GATE. it had two large gates that were to open in the middle, the color was brass and there was a round handle on each gate used for knocking. (Think fancy mid-evil period; or hell’s gate) behind the gates I saw red like flames but not actually flames, you could tell there was flame lit lighting and it was as if when you opened the gates it would be directly behind the entrance, laying on the ground, leading to a burning bottomless pit that leads to a fire filled abyss. A place no one wants to go.

I continue to pray and press on; I can’t turn back. Please Jesus I want to see my family again, I promised you I’d do everything I can do to please you, and I’ll press in, I’ll read, pray and fast (not advertising when I fast, I do not believe in boasting of fasting, it is done in secret before Jesus, and he will reward openly). I’ll speak what you would have me to speak and go where you would have me to go. Lord I’m praying for a double portion of Elijah’s anointing, and I’ll press in to get it.

But why the gate?

I continue to pray, the nurse tried to mask me, but I couldn’t breath or pray with that thing on my face, I could tell she was doing this eye talk with the anesthesia guy, I felt the knockout juice flow in, and I still pressed to pray. I prayed and prayed and prayed, assuming she turned on some gas, she asked me to take some deep breaths, and I was out. — I kept his name on my lips as I took my last breath, and they restarted it.

Recovery–

They began to wake me up on the way back to the room shortly after the surgery was over. While they were wheeling my bed to the recovery room, I started rubbing my eyes, and telling them I needed to pee. They told me not to rub my eyes, and I insisted on rubbing them, again they told me not to do it, I was like you do it then, they’re itchy. (Turns out not being allowed to rub my eyes directly after surgery was to prevent a getting a possible cornea abrasion, which sometimes occurs after surgery because the eye muscles aren’t back functioning properly) Still, they were itchy, and I was bratty. And I was telling them to get my Mommy! I’m pretty sure they doctors got a kick out of me, being as old as I am, and as whiney as I was. I had to pee, and I made that clear, they offered to let me walk, but I wasn’t ready to do that, but I needed to go, they got some wand thing, what on earth was that. I’m not wetting the bed, get me a bedpan. I’m a feisty one LOL.

I requested something for pain, and I requested meds to take home.

Mommy came back to my recovery room. I was back to myself quicker than normal. Another prayer was answered!! I was only in recovery about 45 minutes to an hour. –I called Eli, and started posting updates in messenger. I made a vow to Jesus this morning, and awhile back that I’d write. I’d write through my blogs. I’d write whatever he gave me, and nothing more or anything less.

Turns out, they ended up removing a cholesterol granuloma, which is a rare, benign (noncancerous) cyst that can occur at the tip of the petrous apex, a part of the skull that is next to the middle ear. Cholesterol granulomas are expanding masses that contain fluids, lipids, and cholesterol crystals, surrounded by a fibrous lining, if left untreated, it can eventually cause hearing loss, facial numbness, bone depletion and severe headaches.

I’ll be staying with my sisters tonight, tomorrow night, and maybe Sunday night, while I have to take the pain meds. I won’t over do them, but I would also rather be here during the first few days of my recovery. —

I’m so thankful for everyone that has reached out to me and checked on me. To the ones who let me know they’re there, and they care. I’m so thankful. My heart is at peace, and I promise to be a better vessel not only for Jesus but for you all, if my light is dim, how am I really leading you? It’s the same as trickery or living a lie and that’s not me.

—-

Let’s backtrack a little bit,

While we all fall short of the glory of God, Children of God are on deadly ground when they choose to deny Christ and play with sin. Have you ever heard if you play with fire, you will get burned? Well, if I / you choose to walk away from the light, more so me, and to walk into the fire I would have found myself burning in a devil’s hell. — I love Jesus more than I love myself, but I was falling away. Hence, he lead me away, he protected me then like he protected me today during surgery.

I’m still here, waiting patiently for Jesus to fulfill his promise. I’ve only left it in his hands and removed it from my own. I laid it down at the altar, and said “Jesus, not my will but your will.”

One thing I’m realizing is, we can wreck God’s plans by taking them into our own hands and rushing things; think Issac and Ismael, — Sarah, told Abraham to go into Hagar, even though God had clearly said she would bear a child herself.

so she said to Abram, “The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.” Abram agreed to what Sarai said. (Genesis 16:2)

I don’t want to wreck God’s plans when I know he is faithful, and he won’t lie. When God fulfills his promise there won’t be sin in it. Why because God hates sin. Not saying he hates you, but the very acts and deeds that separate us from him, are not pleasing in his eyes. I cannot live in the moment, because I know he controls my moments, and he’s the keeper of my breath. He tells me, to follow him, and he’ll give me the desires of my heart. — The part that says follow also means do not take detours, to get to it faster than he has planned, why because it messes things up.

I encourage everyone, who is reading this, or who will read this to get closer to Jesus, let him prepare your heart to receive his promises he’s made to you, and don’t be deceived, take Jesus for his word, and his word alone.

Oh, and as for the iron clad gate, — I’m going knocking on it, and your soul is one of the ones I’m fighting for!

I pray I have said something to help you.

& Thank you again to all who messaged me–

Faith, love and hope, the greatest of these is love! (Corinthians 13:13)

Spero- As long as I breath, I hope.

He told me witness, nothing more, nothing less, but I pray often Lord, let me be your witness. —-

email me,-

christie7373@halfwayhomeministries.com

❤ Christie.

(I saw this beauty on Thursday, while having a moment, Jesus never fails to amaze me)