I’m Pressing ON!

Onward I press.

Like David fighting Goliath, I won’t fail!

The next two and a half weeks will be eventful.

Not only will I be facing all the fears when it comes to my brush with death, but I’ll be finding out the game plan.

The initial plan was to seek a vascular specialist a few hours out of town towards Northern KY, but thanks be to Jesus, my family Dr (whom I also call my friend and godsent) decided to also send me to the local specialist here at one of our finest (sarcasm, winky face) hospitals in east KY. She wanted me to have advice from two specialist instead of one. My heart is warm with her. Our hospital here in EKY may have a bad reputation but I reckon the doctor that I will be seeing is spot on. When panic manic set in over going to this facility all I could hear was “Do you trust God?” Why, yes I do! I do! I do!

Did I tell you; I hate doctors? God is using this for his good. Not only is my faith being pushed to the max beyond what I was ever able to get myself, but my fear is being shattered and I am being healed in areas I didn’t even know I was broken.

My first appointment is the 20th, and my second is the 28th.

I am scared, nervous, in tears, mad, hateful, overwhelmed, and overreacting. I am a ball full of emotions that I don’t want to feel.

But I am not alone.

I have Jesus, mom, my sisters, and my niece going with me to these appointments. I’ve got the whole army of heaven fighting this battle with me as my King stands front and centered. So, as I fall apart, I’m being held together. Why so shaken? You would be too if you were 37, with both your carotid arteries filled with plaque, not to mention the pain. I have pain that feels like a blood pressure cuff on my left arm, pain that radiates in my left artery, pain in my left shoulder, pain under my left breast, under my rib cage, and I have pain on the back side of my left rib cage in a similar spot. While I’m praying for a healing and I know it’s possible, this pain would have to leave for me to be convinced it took place before seeing these physicians. Otherwise, I’m left to believe that I’m going in to find out a resolution to the issue, whether it be surgery, medication (Please Jesus not the M word.) and or both. I’m out of it. But I refuse to believe this struggle will be the end of me. I know this struggle is making me stronger.

I see signs everywhere (owls, ladybugs and butterflies); almost daily. Sometimes I look for them, sometimes they find me. When I see the signs, I am reminded of Jesus. I am reminded that he is with me. These sweet signs comfort me when I am at my lowest and brighten my darkest of days. What do the signs mean to me, and how do I relate them to Jesus? I relate them to his promises, and he reminds me my work isn’t finished yet. Do you see Jesus when you see them? Do you feel Jesus when you feel them, or do you feel the hurt that comes alone with them. They’re not intended for pain; they’re intended for joy. They’re there for a reason. They are there for a reminder that he’s not left you, and they’re there to make you think of him also.

This brings me to another though. One I was thinking of while in my car pondering on writing.

What does the bible say about signs?

No such sign shall be given!

Matthew 16:4 A wicked and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign; and there shall no sign be given unto it, but the sign of the prophet Jonas. And he left them, and departed.”

You’re probably thinking “Crazy girl, what are you trying to say?”

I’ll go farther.

We do not know when are going to die. We, meaning you, me and everyone else must always have our hearts ready to meet Jesus. There isn’t going to be given some miraculous twinkling diamond sign that says he’s on his way, get ready or a bulletin board that says you’re going to die in 10 days, be ready. No, it doesn’t work that way. If it did, we would all live our lives how we wanted to and wait to the last second to prepare to meet Jesus. We are to live in the preparation, we are to prepare ourselves daily, and work on preparing others to meet him. How do we do that? Let’s look at the 5 wise and 5 foolish virgins, (I know I’m preaching a little, I’m confident in Jesus, not to be confused with arrogance. Let that sink in.-(I was a tad arrogant there. smile-)

Matthew 25: 1-13 Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.  While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.  And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out.  But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.  And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.  Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us.  But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not.  Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh

Now, I’ll explain. Here we read about 10 virgins. 5 virgins were wise (meaning they were ready, waiting, and kept preparing themselves daily) 5 virgins were foolish, they didn’t care how they lived, they just expected him to let them in because they were pure. You can be pure but without Jesus. You can be a good person but be without Jesus. You have to have Jesus in your heart. You have to have Jesus in your life, and you have to be ready, waiting on Jesus. We do not know when we are going to pass from this life to the next life, and we may very well be here when he comes back, but I assure you this, there is danger in delay when it comes to pushing Jesus away. It’s time to climb aboard that old ship of Zion with Jesus. It’s time to rededicate and let him back in, its time I say its time you have pushed me away for too long. (that last part, I’m going to leave it right there, I won’t say I don’t know where it came from because I do.) How can we heal the broken if we don’t allow him to heal us. Think about it. We can never really heal others unless we allow him to heal us. The minute we begin to heal a memory will rip off a scab and we’ll fall back. Its ok to mourn forever, but it’s also ok to smile beautifully because he’s working on you. Make amends with the maker and let him love you. He’s got a heart so big for you, and he cries when you cry. It’s beyond the tears of angels, like he wept for Lazarus, he weeps for you.

And just like that it leaves.

I’m going to be ok. I have Jesus. But I worry. I worry for you. — I won’t stop praying.

I’ll post updates as I get them and process them.

Welcome to my journey with God. Welcome to my real life as it happens, welcome to me falling apart, but being made whole. Watch me rise, take my hand I’ll help you up. You’ve never fallen to far down to where you can’t be picked back up. It’s not me that picks you up, and what I have to give you is not of myself, it’s of the Lord Jesus. Accept him, —

Acts 3:6-7 Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I thee: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk. And he took him by the right hand, and lifted him up: and immediately his feet and ankle bones received strength.

I love you ❤

My Jesus, now he’s the man! and he loves you the most! ❤

Christie ❤

Do you feel me smiling. It’s real even though I hurt. ❤ insert broken heart too.

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