Turbulence-The violent or unsteady movement of air or water, or of some other fluid. Turbulence also means conflict or confusion. Similar words are turmoil, unrest and instability.
It’s December. I can’t breathe.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, the next day is Christmas, and then follows her birthday on Wednesday. My world is crazy. My mind is a whirlwind, inside another whirlwind, that’s inside one of those little handheld tornado simulators (a child’s toy) and the devil himself is shaking it!
Then I breathe in, I exhale. I cry.
I beg and plead, Lord restore, and I know he’s going to, but this waiting is not for the faint of heart.
I suffocate. Then there’s Jesus.
The past few days have been hard to swallow. Syrus informed me his girlfriend broke up him, he relapsed, drank some, and then decided to hit a marijuana pen. At first, he said he’d never do it again; then it was all big boy, macho, living the frat boy life, when I’m only 15 years old attitude. I wanted to scream; I did. Don’t act like Ya’ll don’t at times. Them elderly woman sometimes had wooden spoons they smacked people with, my spoon is my mouth. I know it’s not well, but at times we all lose it. I lost it. I remind myself, I know, I know, I know God can and he will restore. Look at me. He did it with me, surely, he will with my Syrus. Oh, the waiting. Did I mention, it’s close to Christmas, and her birthday?
Yesterday, was awful. I had a very bad moment, (Yes, I’m a child of God and my world isn’t so prefect; Jesus is perfect, but my world, is a living testimony of a very much alive Jesus who always intervenes and shows me he’s still there). Yesterday, I found myself curled up in my bed crying, with thoughts entering into my mind that wasn’t my own. I found myself thinking about the afterlife and how easy it would be to just go. Only the afterlife that I would be entering isn’t the one that I long for. If I would have done what the devil was telling me to do, I would have woken up in hell.
No, I don’t need a shrink. No I don’t need help. I’m perfectly Okay.
I begin to talk to my Christian circle. I began to get it off my chest, and I began to let Jesus infiltrate my mind with his words, through their mouth. They’re willing vessels. Vessels willing, to listen, but vessels willing to speak what the spirit tells them. They’re the epitome of the verse, two are better than one, if the one shall fall the other shall pick them up. (Reference verse Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
I found myself in my bedroom floor and began to cry out to Jesus. I began to cry out and ask him for help, I began to cry out and tell him I was sorry for lashing out, and for my sins. I began to pour out the pain into him. I began to ask him to help me, and to comfort me. I began to ask him to anoint every part of me, from my head to my feet and to show me what to do with my family, so I could do his will.
That’s when I saw it. The mental image in my mind. It was clear, and the more I thought about it, the more details I could see, including the message Jesus was giving me.
There was a man standing on the shore, in front of him was the ocean, and on the horizon, there was a storm, the storm was the color of deep blue hues, surrounded by darkness, with shelf clouds that stretched from the sky to the water beneath. — This man was standing at an angle, with his left hand raise up, as though he was holding the storm in attention. This man’s appearance was one like I’ve never saw before. He had on a robe, it was cream white, with a rope of 2-3 woven cords tied around his waist. His hair was the color brown, and it came to his shoulders, not curly, not straight, but natural; like that typical fluffy, combed through male hair. But he was beautiful. And to see him standing there on the shore, holding back the storm…. I would say breath taking, but it was more of breath giving. I had peace come to me; a peace that came in instantly and that hasn’t left me since. I still hurt, but I have peace in my presence. A peace that only Jesus can give. I believe that man was Jesus, I believe I saw his hinder parts, or back side.
When I think about what I saw, I remember the part in the bible how the disciples were out on the sea of Galilee, and wind and storm began to rage. I remember where they saw Jesus walking on the water and at first, they thought he was a spirit. I remember how he told them to not be afraid, and they were reassured. Peter said to him “Lord if it be you, bid me to walk on the water”, and Jesus said “Come.” Peter was then able to walk on the water as long as he didn’t take his eyes off Jesus, and the very storm that was mean to drown him, became his testimony, until his faith got weak, and Jesus being the Lord he is, still came to his rescue. After rescuing Peter, both of them climbed into the boat together, and the storm ceased.
Note: I think a lot of us are like Peter at times, Lord if you will, I will, but then we get weak and begin to sink, but we as humans today go one more step and just stop, but remember in the bible, Jesus helped Peter and he carried on his mission for Jesus, he didn’t stop. –When storms arise, we are meant to go on and not stop. –A lesson from the Apostle Peter.
Yesterday, I finished up my day, by getting cleaned up and going to church.
Jesus wasn’t finished. He used my mom to tell me, he’ll bring her back, and on my way to church, there was a song that hit me. Take a minute to read the lyrics: I pray they hit you the same as they did me.
Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you? If there’s a God who loves you, where is he now? Or maybe there are things you can’t see, and all those things are happening to bring a better ending. . My friend you know how all this ends, and you know where you are going, you just don’t know how you’ll get there. So say a prayer, cause there is Good for those who love God, But. life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time, but you’ll see the bigger picture. Once you feel the weight of glory, all your pain will fade to memory. Would you dare to believe, that you still have a reason to sing, cause the pain you have been feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming. Before the Morning–Josh Wilson.
That hit me like a ton of bricks. I may not know why all this is happening. I may not know why I have to hurt or why you have to hurt, but I do know there is joy ahead. I know that there is joy in the Lord, even in the waiting. I know that one day, all this sorrow, all this pain, all this sowing, and will soon turn into a harvest that’s plentiful.
Right now, we must endure the turbulence.
This turbulence may knock you down, but it’s not intended to take you out. Just like Peter on the boat, or even me when my mind is in the air, keep your eyes on the cross, and you’ll make it to shore. You’ll see those gray sky’s fade away. You’ll see the hope of our salvation shine upon you, you’ll see why you had to wait, you’ll see why you wasn’t able to fully understand, and you’ll see, it was worth it all.
Yesterday, I did a thing. I thanked Jesus for letting me see her, for letting me hold her, and for letting me hear her speak to me, and for letting me interact with her. Even if it happens in my dreams, I still thank him for those moments, because no one can take that from me, they are gifts from him.
Romans-8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Corinthians 13:13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity
Song of Soloman 2:1,6 -And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity, His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.
Let him love you and let him hold you.
I pray I’ve said something to help someone. I pray God’s word, and his presence comes in like a flood, and he redeems you. I pray you receive his spirit, and his healing. I pray you let him nurture you. I pray you realize that even God’s children are flawed, but he loves us flawed and all. It’s his perfect love, mercy, and grace that keeps us going.
If my life was a perfect, princess fairy tale, I’d break stuff and make it messy.
Jesus has a way of taking the messy and turning it into his masterpieces. Look at David, he lusted after a woman, had her husband killed, and he was said to be a man after God’s own heart. Look at Paul, he was killing God’s chosen people, but let me tell you, Jesus got a hold him when he least expected it, and what a man he turned out to be, one of God’s very own elect!
Think about that, if we just let him, direct, he’ll take our lives and turn them into faith shaped, masterpieces. He has mine, are you going to give him yours?
As for the turbulence, its raging, as for Jesus, he’s healing, as for me I’m waiting, and serving while I wait.
Take my life Lord, and let it be all that you would have it to be. Hold me as I cry, mend me as I pray, and grow me Lord as I wait.
Wait for what you say?
All the promises of God!
I love you all ❤
Jesus loves you most ❤
Let’s talk Jesus. Not my personal life, you get that from my blogs. ❤
❤ Blessed is she who believed the Lord would fulfill his promises to her ❤ Luke 1:45
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